My Hero
by Wykked As Syn
Summary: There's more than meets the eye when it comes to Harry. He's changed over the summer. The Dursley's beat him. He finds release in the form on a razorblade. Slash. HPDM. Cutting and drugs. R&R. Used to be called My Immortal. ON HOLD!
1. My Immortal

**Note:** This is **NOT** a one-shot fic. It has a plot.

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story is rate for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and maybe a few other things that with appear in later chapters.

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Chapter 1: My Immortal 

A gentle wind blew as Harry walked home, back to the Dursley's. He knew he was going to be yelled at again for not cleaning the house before he left, but he didn't care anymore. Ever since Sirius's death, he didn't care about much of anything. He felt so alone and sad, so lost and confused now that his godfather was gone. He had this empty space inside his heart that he knew no one could fill, except, maybe, the one person that he loved. But, he knew that that person would never love him back, so he was positive that the empty space inside his broken and beaten down heart would never be filled. He felt that Sirius's death was his entire fault, if only he had realized that Snape would have tried to contact Sirius he would still be alive. If only Snape hadn't acted like he had no idea what he was talking about. If only Dumbledore had told him about the Prophecy sooner. If only he had listened to Hermione, when she had told him that Voldemort was trying to trick him. But no, he had to jump to conclusions and think that Snape didn't care. If he hadn't rushed off to the Department of Mysteries to try and save Sirius, he wouldn't have fallen through the Veil; he would still be here right now. Harry felt so stupid, if he hadn't tried to be a hero all of the time Sirius would still be amongst the living. But, Harry knew that 'if's weren't going to bring Sirius back.

Another wind blew, this time lifting up Harry's hair, revealing a bruise near his right temple. Ever since the summer after his third year at Hogwarts, his Uncle Vernon began to beat him if he didn't do what he was told. Sure, his Aunt Petunia and his cousin Dudley knew that Vernon would beat Harry if he had done something to make him mad. Dudley would even help sometimes. But, what they didn't know was that Vernon would beat Harry, when they weren't around, if he had had a bad day at work or if Harry even looked at him funny. It was already four weeks into the summer vacation and Harry had already been beaten more times then all of last summer. Over the few weeks of summer, Harry's hair had grown longer and messier and he had grown taller. Also, he went and got his tongue pierced about a week into the summer vacation. If his uncle ever saw it, he would probably rip it out, then laugh at the pain he had just caused Harry, and then beat him for doing something that wasn't _normal_. Just the thought of Vernon doing something like that to him sent shivers through out his entire body.

Harry turned the corner that lead to Privet Drive and continued to walk. He sighed as he reached the driveway that belonged to the 4 Privet Drive house. He walked up the driveway and sighed again as he reached the door. He knew he was going to be in big trouble, either when he woke up the next morning or if Vernon was still awake and caught him trying to sneak up into his bedroom, undetected.

He opened the door; all he heard was silence. Harry sighed in relief; he was expecting Vernon to be waiting at the door for him to come in and then start yelling at him. He quietly shut the door and began to make his way, silently, up the stairs, remembering to skip the steps that creaked when someone would step on them. Harry was about halfway up the stairs when someone grabbed him by the hood of his sweater. He went flying and smashed his head on the wall. His head throbbed painfully with a sharp pain near his right temple as he heard the floor creak from someone heavy stepping on it; it sounded ten times louder then it actually was. Next, a foot kicked him in the side of the ribs, knocking the wind out of him.

"Where in the bloody hell were you, you piece of no good fucking shit!" Harry heard his Uncle Vernon growl. Harry tried to answer but he couldn't, he still wasn't able to breath properly. When Vernon didn't receive an answer, he kicked Harry again, this time in the left side of his head. Harry gasped out in pain, but fortunately enough for him, it was dark and Vernon wouldn't be able to see his tongue ring.

'That's going to leave a bruise," Harry thought, trying hard to keep his expression black because he knew that Vernon could see his face. If Vernon saw any emotion on Harry's face while he was beating him, he would beat him even worse. Unfortunately, Harry had learned this the hard way.

"N-none of yo-your fucking bus-business," Harry managed to say while gasping for breath.

"Of course it's my fucking business!" Vernon spat as he kicked Harry in the ribs again, causing his to gasp loudly and lose any breath he had managed to get back. "You live under my roof! You will do as I say! Also, you didn't clean the bloody house before you left, like I told you to do! I have enough kindness in my heart to take you in as a baby and let you live with me, and this is the thanks that I get from you! You ungrateful son of a bitch!"

After a few moments of listening to Vernon emotionally abuse him and catching most of his breath, Harry rolled over, painfully, onto his stomach and struggled as he tried to get to his hands and knees. When he had finally managed to do so, he was about to try and stand up on his feet when Vernon's foot connected painfully with his ribs, again, causing him to roll over, clutching his sides, and whimper in pain. He had had the wind knocked out of him again. By now, Harry had silent tears rolling down his pale cheeks.

"You stupid, no good, piece of fucking shit! I should kick you out of my house! You're fucking useless!" Vernon snarled as he stared down his nose at Harry.

"I-I do-don't fucking c-care an-anymore!" Harry gasped, trying to breath properly.

"You _will_ care by the time I'm through with you, you _freak_," Vernon snarled, his face purple, as he kicked Harry in the hips, hard. Harry had to try his hardest not to scream as an almost unbearable pain surged throughout his hips. Harry tried to speak but no words came out, as he lay on the floor, panting for breath, silent tears rolling, slowly, down he pink tinted cheeks.

"Get up, you _bastard_," Vernon growled. Harry tried to roll over onto his stomach but it hurt too much to move. After waiting a moment for him to get up, Vernon became impatient and grabbed Harry by the collar of his sweater lifted him up and pinned him against the wall; his feet were off the ground by about a foot. Harry's breaths were coming out in very short pants. Vernon looked at him, noticing the tears that were slowly rolling down his pale, pink tinted cheeks.

"What the fuck! Why in the bloody hell are you crying! Grown men don't _cry_, you're nothing but a fucking _cry_ baby!" Vernon spat as he raised his free hand, made it into a fist, and punched Harry hard in the cheek, then dropped him on the floor. He lay there on the floor, gasping for breath. He could feel that where Vernon had punched him was starting to swell already.

"Get to your room, NOW!" Vernon growled as kicked Harry one more time, this time in the leg, then started up the stairs to his own bedroom.

Harry lay there for a few moments, trying to recover a little from the beating that he had just received, before trying to make his way to his room. It took him a few more moments before he could roll over onto his stomach. It hurt so much when he moved that he had to wait a moment for the pain to dull before he could get to his hands and knees. He had to use the wall to help him stand up and walk over to the stairs. He prayed to God that he didn't collapse, because if Vernon found him laying on the ground, unconscious, he would probably just wake him up and beat him again, saying something about how stupid he was for not making it to his room or how dare he lay down and fall asleep on the stairs. It was a struggle for Harry to climb the stairs and walk to his room, he thought for sure he wouldn't make it, but he did. He had to use the wall to support him as he walked over to where his bed was. He collapsed on his bed, it felt so comfortable compared to the pain that his body was causing him. His cheek where Vernon had punched him still throbbed painfully, he reached up and felt it; it was very swollen. Now that he was laying down on his some what comfortable bed all of his muscles were starting to relax and the throbbing pain in his body was starting to dull.

He lay there staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything that had happened in his life, the good and the bad. But as he was thinking he realized that he could only remember the bad times, the good times were just a blurry image that he couldn't quite make out. Only the bad times that he had had he could remember clearly. He had had enough of everything that was going on in this life. His friends were barely writing to him, his godfather was dead, his parents were dead, and his uncle was always abusing him, emotionally and physically. He had had enough of everyone expecting something from him; he just wanted to be himself, not someone that everyone else wanted him to be. He couldn't take it anymore; it was all starting to get to him.

He was always alone, it seemed that people only wanted him around because he was supposed to defeat Voldemort or die trying. He was alone when he face Voldemort during his first year at Hogwarts to try and stop him from getting the Philosopher's Stone and returning to full power. If Harry hadn't stopped him from getting the Stone, the Wizarding World would have went back to the chaotic way it used to be before Voldemort lost his powers trying to kill him, making him the Boy Who Lived. During that experience, he remembered, he had almost died.

He was also alone when he faced Voldemort, again, as a fifteen-year-old memory during his second year at Hogwarts to stop him from letting the Basilisk roam freely around the school petrifying all the Muggle-borns and maybe even killing one, just like he had done fifty years ago. Also, to save Ginny from him. Voldemort was using his old diary to suck the life out of Ginny, who had been writing in it since the beginning of the year, to regain his power. If he had succeeded, the Wizarding World would have been a chaotic place it had been before he had tried to kill him. During that experience he had almost died, again, because the Basilisk's venomous fang had poisoned him, when it went into his arm, when he used Godric Gryffindor's sword to kill it.

He wasn't alone when he had met his godfather, Sirius, who had dragged Ron by the leg into the Shrieking Shack, to try and kill Peter Pettigrew, who was in his Animagus form as Scabbers. For the longest time he, Hermione, and Ron had thought that Sirius was trying to kill him, but he never wanted to. Harry had his friends with him when he found out that Sirius was his godfather. But, he was alone when he had to fight off one hundred Dementors at once to stop them from taking his and Sirius's soul. He didn't almost die during this experience; he almost had his soul sucked out of him. Having no soul in your body while you are alive is a fate for worse then death.

During his forth year, Barty Crouch, who was pretending to be Mad-eye Moody for almost the entire year, had entered his name in the Triwizard Tournament. During the last task he and Cedric Diggory both agreed to grab the trophy at the same time, that way they would tie. The only thing about that idea was that the trophy was a portkey to a graveyard, where Peter Pettigrew was trying to revive Voldemort. Which he was successful in doing, but not before killing Cedric right in front of Harry, who was tied to Voldemort's fathers tombstone and wandless. He was alone when that happened, he had no friends with him. When Voldemort came back to life he called upon the Death Eaters, when they all arrived he lectured them, then turned to Harry when he was done and told him something about how they were both similar in many ways. After that, he untied Harry and gave him back his wand, wanting to duel with him and kill him. He was totally alone in the duel, except when their wands connected and all of the people that Voldemort had killed, up to his parents, started to come out his wand. Eventually, Harry broke the connection with him, grabbed Cedric's body, and ran toward the trophy. While he was running toward it he had almost died, again, because Voldemort sent the killing curse, Avada Kedavra, at him.

Also, during his fifth year at Hogwarts he was foolish enough to think that Snape wouldn't have checked on Sirius to make sure that he was okay after Harry had told him about his dream. So, after Snape left and he got away from Umbridge he set off for the Department of Mysteries with Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, and Ginny. He had been so worried about saving Sirius's life and getting there before it was too late, that he didn't even listen to Hermione's advise, which turned out to be correct. If only he hadn't been so stupid , Sirius would still be alive. He put his friends lives at risk, and for what? To save someone that didn't need to be saved? To act even more like a hero? What was the point of doing that? In the end, it had cost him. He had to stand there, helplessly, and watch his godfather die. Then, when he returned to Hogwarts, he found out that Dumbledore was keeping something from him for five year; it was something important that he needed to know. And now, he was all alone, he had no one left. Everyone he loved had died, except for the one person he was in love with now.

He couldn't take it anymore; he felt like everyone was just using him, that everyone only wanted him alive so that he could defeat Voldemort or, in his uncles case, to have someone to do everything around the house and someone to beat. He had this gut feeling that they didn't even care about him, about how he felt inside. He was always alone in his life; the only time he wasn't and didn't feel alone was when he was with Sirius, but now that he was gone, he felt like he would always be alone. He felt that no one trusted him, take Dumbledore for example he didn't tell him about the Prophecy and the real reason why Voldemort had tried to kill him until it was too late. He knew that he couldn't trust anyone, the last time he trusted someone that person died, and it was his fault.

He was starting to get sick of life, everyone said that they knew what he was going thorough and how he felt inside, but no one understood how he felt inside and what he was going through. He was sick of the way that he was treated like he was useless, unwanted, unloved. He was tired of having to live his life in fear that he might not see that next day, he was tired of all of his old, painful, internal wounds not healing, not going away. He was sick and tired of always thinking of Sirius and the kind of life he left behind. Sirius still had so much he could do with his life, after, of course, the caught Peter Pettigrew. But, most of all, he was sick and tired of never having anyone to talk to, who would always be there for him, live him, and comfort him when he needed it.

He hadn't seemed to notice that, while he was thinking about his life and things that had happened in it, tears were starting to roll down his pale, swollen cheeks. It was when he turned his head to the side that he felt something wet against his face. He lifted his hand up to his face to wipe away the tears that were rolling gently down his face.

Harry lifted one of his sore arms, which felt heavier then usual, over his head and turned on the radio that Hermione had given him last Christmas. There was a man speaking. He was saying, "That was Nothing to Lose by Billy Talent. And now, here is Evanescence with My Immortal!" The soft, slow music started, and then a moment later a beautiful voice began to sing the lyrics:

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

'_Cause your presents still lingers here_

_And it wont leave me alone_

Harry rolled onto his side, his tears had stopped, and stared into the blackest corner of his room. He had heard this song numerous times before. He was still staring into the corner, trying not to blink. He didn't want the tears threatening to fall from his eyes to start rolling down his face. Still, he stared into the blackness of the corner; the room was filled with the light of the full moon that was bright enough that you could see the faint outline of almost everything in his room. He still didn't stop staring at the corner, still trying hard not to blink, not wanting the tears to leave his eyes. But, it was too late, even though he didn't blink, the tears started to roll gently down his pale, bruised cheeks. Oh, how he loved this song. He felt that it explained mostly everything that he felt inside. Almost every time he heard this song; he'd cry; the singer had such a beautiful, powerful voice that he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his face.

Harry couldn't hold back his tears any longer, he decided to do what he to do for a long time; cry. His tears started to roll freely down his face. Aside from crying, he could only think of one other way to help himself get rid of all these messed up feelings he had kept bottled up inside all of the time. His tears started to roll violently down his cheeks as he reached under his pillow for something. He pulled something shiny from underneath his pillow; it was a razorblade. He stole it from his uncles shed one day. He had been told to clean the shed and when he was cleaning it, he found a few razorblades at the bottom of a drawer. He took them; looking to see which one was the sharpest. Finally, he decided and grabbed one, shoving it into his pocket.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

Harry stared at the razorblade for a moment, tears still falling heavily from his brilliant green eyes, before took of his sweater to reveal a long sleeve t-shirt, then he pulled up his sleeve on his left arm. There were so many scars, deep one that will never fade, shallow ones that will fade eventually but will still always be there, in a way, and fresh, red ones. The scars went from his elbow to an inch before his palm. He lifted up the sleeve on his right arm, there were just as many scars on that arm as there was on the other. He sighed as he looked at all of the cuts and scars he had, but he didn't care, they were his way of getting through all the emotional stuff that was going on in his life. He started to cut during the summer after his forth year, and he didn't cut as often as he did when he was home for the summer when he was Hogwarts. This was his way of dealing with his problems. He knew that he shouldn't cut, but it felt so good when the razorblade would slide across his wrist or the way that after he cut he didn't feel upset or angry anymore, he just felt relieved and calm. He also knew that if Hermione found out that she would freak out on him, but if Ron found out, Harry doubted that he would do much of anything. Harry couldn't stop himself as a new wave of tears washed over him.

As he sat there, crying, he thought about the song, about how it was somewhat like his life, about how his wounds, internally and externally, wouldn't seem to heal. The pain that he felt seemed too real and he doubted that it would ever go away. Also, about how there's just too much in his past that time could never erase; that even over time he might not be able to get over what had happened to him.

Harry put the razorblade to the point between his wrist and elbow and put a bit a pressure on it as he slowly dragged it across his arm, increasingly putting more pressure on it as he slid it across his pale, scarred arm. He gasped as he felt a burning sensation on his arm as he took away the razorblade and put it on his pillow. He didn't think that it hurt, well, not very much anyway. He looked down at his arm as it started to bleed a little, but not much, it would stop in a few moments and then when it healed it would barely scar. He hated it when he cut himself slowly, it would barely bleed and scar.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of you tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand through all of there years_

_But you still have all of me_

Harry picked up the razorblade in his right hand again, tears still rolling freely down his cheeks, and put it to his arm, about a centimeter down from the cut that he had just made. Again, he put pressure on it, but he wasn't moving it across his arm. Instead, he just sat there his head hung low as his shoulders shook violently, tears were falling from his cheeks like rain falling heavily from a black, stormy sky; the pressure he was putting on the razorblade was gone.

This is the first time that this song had really gotten to him. As Harry listen tentatively to the lyrics, he realized how much he wanted someone to be there with him right now, to hold him while he cried, and that he had never had anyone who could comfort him when he was upset or anyone to hold him when he cried. He also realized that whenever he was scared he was always alone, no one was ever there to tell him everything was fine or that everything would be fine. He realized it now more then ever, that throughout his entire life that he had been alone. No one had ever been there for him when he grew up, alone, with the Dursley's, Dudley made sure that he had had no friends. He was even alone when he was with his so-called friends at Hogwarts.

Tears were still falling rapidly from his pale, swollen, pink tinted cheeks as he turned his attention back to the razorblade he was holding. He put pressure on the razorblade again; he hadn't moved it yet. He looked at it as if he was contemplating something. Then, finally, he put even more pressure on it. Not releasing any pressure, he slid the razorblade across is arm as fast as he could, considering that his arms were still sore from what Vernon had done to him earlier, it wasn't too fast but it wasn't too slow; it was a semi-fast pace. The skin was torn apart from the speed, it looked like a doctor had sliced it opened with a scalpel but it wasn't too deep. He let out a low hiss as his arm burned from the quickness of the razorblade cutting open his skin. The cut had started to bleed almost instantly. Harry still had tears cascading down his cheeks as he examined his arm. He felt a little blissful, but that soon faded as the tears falling from his cheeks fell into his cut. He gasped at the unexpected, yet unusually pleasant, pain he had felt. He wound started to bleed faster; he quickly reached under his pillow and grabbed some toilet paper before the blood started to drip on something. He put the toilet paper over his self-inflicted wound and sighed.

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

As he heard this part of the song, he began to think about a certain person. Harry loved this person more then words could ever explain, but he knew that they would never loved him back, or even like him in that way. He sighed as he removed the toilet paper to see how badly his wound was bleeding; it was flowing at a steady, semi-fast pace. He covered it up again and moved his thoughts back to the one that he loved. He wondered if they ever thought about him, but he doubted that they would. What reason would they have for thinking about him? He was the Boy-Who-Lived; the only time people thought of him was when they wondered who was going to die, himself or Voldemort. The person that he loved probably only thought of him in that way too, just some person that had to save the Wizarding World or die trying, and if he did succeed they would probably just forget about him and act like he was invisible. Who would want to be around someone who murdered another human being, well _barely_ a human being?

Harry couldn't stand being at the Dursley's or anywhere else, except Hogwarts. He hated being away from the person that he loved, he felt even more alone. He couldn't wait until the start of term, he would be able to see his love again, and all the work that they would have to do would take his mind off of things for a while. He yawned widely, but he knew that if he went to sleep that the would probably end up dreaming of his love and start to think, maybe even cry, because he knew that his only love would never like him in that kind of way. Sometimes when Harry would dream of them, his love, he could hear their voice. He missed their voice; he longed to be at Hogwarts so he could hear their voice again. Whenever he would hear their voice, his heart would beat faster and his stomach would do flip-flops. 'Basically,' he thought, 'Like the song, their voice had chased away all of the sanity I've had,' He sighed again.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

He lifted up the toilet paper that covered his self-inflicted wound, realizing that the wound and the scar that it would leave would never truly leave. It would be there for the rest of his life, as a scar. The same with all his other self-inflicted wounds, they would always be there, they would never truly leave, even if they did fade over time, they would still be there, barely visible. And, although the scar might not be there physically, it would always be there emotionally. Harry would always remember the emotional pain that he couldn't handle because he took the pain inside and made it real on his body. Even fifty years in the future, time could not erase the scars he had now. Time would never erase any of his scars, emotionally and physically. Sure, eventually he would get over the emotional pain that he felt, but it would always still be there, inside of him, forgotten. He knew that one-day, after he had gotten over everything, that he wouldn't have truly gotten over it. The pain that he had buried deep down inside of himself would still be there. Also, the scars that he had given himself would always be there. So, he wound never truly forget about everything. 'Unless I got amnesia,' he thought, sighing.

The blood started to flow quicker as Harry put the toilet paper back on his self-inflicted wound. He sighed as he put the razorblade back underneath his pillow and lied down on his back, looking at the blackness of the ceiling. His tears were now lightly rolling down his pale, pink tinted, swollen cheeks. If anyone ever found out that he cut, they would bombard him with questions and probably make him worse then what they already had; more then likely making him want to self-injure himself more, to release the pain that they had caused him.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

If they did question him and make him feel worse then he already did, he was afraid that he might breakdown and cry. He was afraid that nobody would comfort him, tell him that it's all right to cry, maybe even hold him in their arms and let him cry himself to sleep. He was afraid that nobody would be able to help him get rid of his pain and worry; get rid of his fears. He was afraid that nobody would tell him it's all right, that he was safe, that nobody could cause him anymore harm. He was afraid that nobody would even want to help him get through this mess of his so called his life; he was afraid that he would always be alone. He just wanted someone that would always be there for him, to comfort him, hold him, love him, and make him feel safe. Someone like the person he loved.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_And though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along_

Sirius used to always hold him when he would cry, comfort him, and tell him that everything was all right. He used to always be the one that Harry would turn to when he needed someone to talk to, when he needed someone to hold him while he cried. Sirius would always cheer him up when he was in a bad mood; he would always try to make Harry feel better by telling him a story about when he was at school with James, Remus, and Peter. Harry missed Sirius so much that he doubted that he would ever get over his death. Even though he felt that Sirius's death was his entire fault, he knew deep in his heart that it wasn't entirely his fault.

Harry knew that it was somewhat Voldemort's fault because he had tricked him into thinking that Sirius was actually in danger. He knew that Dumbledore was somewhat responsible for Sirius death because he hadn't told him about the Prophecy and that Voldemort would probably try to do something like sending him dreams to make him think that someone was in danger and lure him away from people so he could finally kill him, sooner. But, Harry knew that it was his fault as well because he had jumped to conclusions and tried to save Sirius, but only succeeding in leading him to an early grave. He knew that he should have waited to see if Sirius was, in fact, fine, but he didn't, he wanted to act even more like a hero.

Even though Harry knew that Sirius is gone, he was having a hard time believing it and trying to tell himself that he wouldn't come back. But, in Harry's mind, Sirius wasn't gone he was just behind the Veil. He knew that that's not true because he could feel Sirius's presents lingering inside of his heart. Sirius would always be with him in spirit, but Harry would still be alone.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

He lifted the toilet paper up off of his wound, it stared at it for a moment; it was still bleeding at a steady pace. He sighed as he looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand. It read 11:28. Tears started to roll faster down his cheeks as he realized that in thirty-two minutes he would be sixteen. He doubted whether anyone would send him a present. He sighed again. His tears started to slow down a little as he wiped them away with his left arm, then put the toilet paper back on the self-inflicted wound before the blood dripped onto anything.

Harry wanted to scream so badly, scream to let out all of the anger he felt inside. Cutting would only suppress that feeling for so long before it stopped doing its job, suppressing a hurtful feeling. He wanted to scream to take out some of his frustration; he wanted to yell at someone. He wanted to scream loudly then breakdown and cry. But he knew that he wouldn't ever find a place where he could be alone so he could to that.

All he really wanted was someone to be there for him; help him get through everything that was going on in his life. He wanted someone to always be there for him, just like he was for Ron and Hermione. All he truly wanted was someone who cared about him the way that Sirius did before he died and the way Remus still, sometimes, did. He sighed again as he turned off the radio, the song had ended, and rolled over onto his side.

Harry started to stare into the black corner again; he sighed. Still holding his arm, he but some pressure on it to try and stop the bleeding. He was tired and he wanted to sleep. He continued to stare at the corner for a few moments before he yawned widely and then he glanced outside and notice that the moon was round; he then remembered that tonight was the full moon. He wondered about Lupin, if it ever hurt when he transformed into a werewolf and when he transformed back. Harry would bet his Firebolt that it did, he didn't really know for sure because he had never asked Lupin when they would sit down and talk. Harry never realized it before, but the moon was hypnotizing in a way. His tears had started to slow down a little.

He stared at the moon for a few moments before he looked away and started to stare into the corner again. While staring into the blackness of the corner, it reminded him of death, the way that it was all dark and unknown. When he was reminded of death, he was reminded of Sirius. Harry felt that it was his fault that Sirius had had a premature demise, but he knew that, deep down, it wasn't entire his fault.

Harry blamed Snape for acting like he didn't care about Sirius's well-being, for acting like he, Harry, was crazy and that he had know clue what he was talking about; for not giving him a sign that he at least knew what he was talking about. If Snape weren't always so mean to him and Sirius, he would have given it a thought that Snape might have actually tried to contact Sirius.

Also, Harry blamed Dumbledore for not telling him about the Prophecy sooner, for thinking that before Sirius had died that he, Harry, was to young to be burdened with the Prophecy and what it meant. If Dumbledore hadn't been so worried about him being hurt in finding out this information, Sirius would still be alive. If only Dumbledore told him that, after the Mr. Weasley incident, Voldemort would try and trick him by sending him dreams and making him think that someone he cared about deeply was in danger. If only Dumbledore had told him about everything sooner that no on this would have happened and Sirius would still be alive.

More then anyone else, though, Harry blamed Voldemort. If Voldemort hadn't been so power hungry and greedy, he would still have his parents, he would still have Sirius. If Voldemort hadn't hated Muggle-born's and half-blood's and wanted to kill them, then no of this chaos would have happened in the first place. If Voldemort hadn't killed his parents then tried to kill him, he would have had a happy, Dursley free life, he wouldn't have a scar on his forehead; he wouldn't have been famous. He wouldn't have to live in fear everyday that he might not ever see the next day; he would be a normal boy, and Sirius would still be alive.

'In fact,' Harry thought bitterly, 'Everything is Voldemort's fault.' He sighed as he gave a quick glance that the alarm clock sitting on his nightstand. It read 11:36. Harry sat up, still putting pressure on his arm, and stared down at his scarred arm for a moment. He lifted up the toilet paper to look at his wound, the toilet paper was bloody but it looked like the bleeding had stopped. Harry grabbed another piece of toilet paper out from underneath his pillow and covered his wound with it. He then got up and walked over to the garbage bin, his legs were really sore and felt like they were covered in cement. He took out a few crumpled up pieces of parchment and put the toilet paper in, then put the parchment overtop of it. He walked over to his bed and lied down, keeping pressure on his arm.

He stared up at the ceiling for a few moments, thinking, only a few tears rolled slowly down his pale face. He wanted to leave the Dursley's very much, but he didn't want to leave Petunia. Even though she was a bitch when Vernon and Dudley were home, she was actually very nice. Sometimes, when Vernon and Dudley were gone out, Harry would go and talk with her. As much as she said she hated magic, when Vernon and Dudley were around, she was actually very interested in it. She loved to hear the stories that Harry would tell her about Hogwarts. When she and Harry would talk, Harry would tell her about things that were bugging him or about the Wizarding World. Sometimes she would hold him when he cried and tell him that things would get better.

Most of last summer and all of this summer he hadn't been able to talk to her because either Vernon or Dudley was home. Harry missed his talks with Petunia they were enjoyable. He remembered last summer, the only time he got to talk with her between the two summers, when they had talk for at least five hours; Vernon and Dudley were out of town for the night. Those five hours when they talked were the best five hours he had ever had at the Dursley's. He smiled as he remembered how happy he and Petunia were that day. He wished that it was always like that, though, it would be a lot better and it would help him cope with everything else that was going on in his life.

Suddenly, he thought the most farfetched thing; Petunia would leave Vernon because she had had enough of him and Dudley beating Harry and she and Harry would live, peacefully, together and that she would be the mother that he had never had. Sure, Mrs. Weasley had been somewhat of a motherly figure to him, but it was different, he couldn't explain it but it just was. Harry sighed, he knew that something like that would never happened, so he didn't know why he was even thinking something like that would.

Finally, there were no tears on his face; he had stopped crying. He felt ashamed that he allowed himself to do that; he thought that Vernon was right; he was nothing but a crybaby. He shook his head, trying to get rid of that thought, trying to his thoughts positive. He sat up and lifted the toilet paper off of his arm and looked at it, it looked like it had mostly stopped bleeding. Harry thought it best to leave the toilet paper on for a few more moments before taking it off and going to sleep. He looked at his alarm clock on his night table again; it read 11:44.

He lied back down and closed his eyes. He noticed that while he was thinking that his body didn't hurt as much as it did earlier, now the pain was just a dull throb. He sighed, he had had enough of living in a place were he was treated the way that he was. He wanted to leave as soon as he could. As he thought about what it would be like to live somewhere other then with the Dursley's he got an idea. He would run away, he could go to the Leaky Cauldron for the rest of the summer. He had more then enough money to do that.

Harry decided that that was what he was going to do. Then, after the school year he would find a flat and live on his own. He sat up and listened for any kind of noise. He smirked when all he heard was the snoring of three people. He stood up, walked over to the garbage bin, took out a few pieces of parchment and put the bloody toilet paper near the other bloody piece then put the parchment back into the garbage bin.

He walked to his door and looked down the hall to be sure that everyone was in fact sleeping. Then, he made his way downstairs as quietly as he could. Harry was lucky that he didn't weigh much or the floor and the stairs would have creaked under his weigh. He remembered to skip the second last step that creaked when he stepped on it. He walked down the hallway to where the cupboard under the stairs was. Out of habit, he looked down the hallway and listened to make sure that no one else was awake. He looked at the cupboard door, and then his eyes flickered up to the lock that was on it. Harry raised his hand and gave a small wave, the lock opened.

Harry had learned how to do that and many other wandless magic things before he had started his third year. However, he could only move small objects until the second term of his third year. The first time he had used wandless magic he didn't even mean too. After a while, he was still doing it without meaning too. Then, finally he tried to actually use wandless magic to bring his quill to him when he was doing his homework in the middle of the night. After that night, Harry had practiced using wandless every night until he could move any small object. It wasn't until the end of his third year that he could move any object he wanted, no matter how big or small it was. He could do anything with wandless magic that any adult could do, including making an item appear, disappear, and levitate, even become invisible. Harry had learned how to do wandless magic within a year when it would usually take the average adult many years to learn. However, he didn't tell anyone that he could do that it was his little secret.

As quickly and as quietly as he could he grabbed all of his stuff that had been locked up in the cupboard and made them all levitate with a wave of his hand. He shut the cupboard door, locked it, and then made his way back to his room. Harry made sure that all of his things where in his room before he closed the door.

Harry put his trunk on his bed and took everything out of it, then with a flick of his wrist the inside looked bigger. He had used in enlargement spell. He put all of the things back in his trunk, except his wand, and began grabbing everything he owned from his room. It didn't take long before he was done. He grabbed the razorblade that was underneath his pillow and wrapped it in a clothe with his butterfly handle knife. He began to think, and then decided that he should tell Remus that he was running way, but not tell where he was going. With another flick of his wrist a piece of parchment and a muggle pen appeared out of thin air.

_Dear Remus,_ Harry paused thinking about how to word what he was about to say. Then he decided to just say everything straightforward. Harry wrote for a moment then looked at his finished copy. He quickly re-read it, and changed the beginning.

_Dear Remus and/or Tonks,_

_I've had it! I'm not staying in the hellhole any longer! I'm leaving! I cant take much more of this shit! I don't know where I'm going but I know that it is going to be far away from here. And don't either of you two dare tell me that as long as I live with my aunt I'll be safe! I'm probably way safer away from here then being here. I don't care what you guys have to say; I'm NEVER going back to that hellhole ever again. I'd rather face Voldemort one-on-one. _

_Anyways, Remus I know that tonight is the full moon and I'm sorry for putting you through this at this time, but I need to get out of here. Either you or Tonks write back to me whenever. I hope you feel better soon. I'm sorry about this Remus, I really am. Well, later._

_Love Harry_

Harry waved his hand the pen disappeared. Just as he was about to levitate his trunk Hedwig flew in through the widow. She landed gracefully on Harry's shoulder.

"Hey, Hedwig," Harry said as he patted the top of her head, "Can you please take this to Tonks for me?" Hedwig hooted affectionately and pecked Harry's ear before she left.

Harry levitated his trunk, grabbed his wand and quietly made his way downstairs. He reached the bottom of the steps and opened the door, just as he stepped out of the house and was about to shut the door, the grandfather clock in the living room went off. Harry smiled as the clocking dinged for the twelfth time. He was officially sixteen now.

* * *

So, wutcha guyz think of the first chapter? Waz it good or did it suck? Plz review and tell me what you think. And if you find any mistakez plz don't hesitate to copy and paste that part into a review and leave a little note saying that I made a mistake and need to fix it. 

Well…anywayz…please review, flamez are welcomed.

Wykked As Syn


	2. The Knight Bus

Note This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

Chapter 2: The Knight Bus

Harry had a small smile on his face as he walked a few blocks away from Privet Drive. He was finally sixteen, which meant he was of age to live on his own. For now, though, he decided to stay at the Leaky Cauldron until the start of term and look for a flat at the end of the school year. He was excited at the thought of living on his own. Sure, he'd still have to clean, but not as much, and he wouldn't get beaten if he wasn't finished at a specific time. He smirked as he thought that nothing could go wrong today.

Harry turned the corner and looked around to make sure that nobody was there. He waved his hand and a mirror appeared out of thin air, he waved his hand again and the mirror glowed; now he was able to see himself in it. He could see that he had a black eye and two bruises near his left and right temple. He waved his hand in front of his face and the bruises disappeared, he used a glamour spell. Then he lifted up his sleeves and did a glamour spell on his arms. He raise he right hand above his head. The next second there was a loud _bang_ and a blinding light. Harry threw his arms in front of his face to shield his eyes from the light. He lowered his arms a few seconds later and saw a purple, triple-decker bus that, in gold writing on the windshield, said _The Knight Bus_. The doors opened and a young man in his twenty's stepped out.

"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Stan Shunpike, and I'll be you conductor for this morning," said the conductor.

Harry looked up at Stan; Harry had noticed the change in him. He had less pimples and he looked a little taller. Stan stepped of the Knight Bus and stood in front of Harry, Harry was about an inch shorter then him.

"Where do you wanna go?" Stan said.

"The Leaky Cauldron," Harry said as he waved his hand and his trunk levitated.

"K, that'll be eleven Sickles," Stan said, "But for firteen you get a 'ot chocolate, and for fifteen you get an 'ot-water bottle an' a toofbrush in the colour of you choice."

"For fifteen do I get a hot chocolate as well?' Harry asked.

"Yep," Stan said.

"K," Harry said as he pulled out some money. He grabbed a Galleon and handed it to Stan. "Keep the change."

"Thanks," Stan said as he stepped back onto the bus, Harry right behind him with his levitating trunk.

"You 'ave this one," Stan said, pointing to a bed near the back.

Harry nodded his head as he waved his hand and his trunk levitated over to his bed and lowered to the ground at the foot of it.

Harry walked over to his bed, took off his shoes and lied down. Stan came over to him a few seconds later with a hot chocolate, hot-water bottle and several different coloured toothbrushes. Harry took the hot chocolate and the hot-water bottle from Stan, and then he chose a green toothbrush. He put them all on the nightstand beside the bed. Stan was about to leave when Harry spoke.

"How long will it take 'til we get to the Leaky Cauldron?" He asked, somewhat coldly.

"If we go there first, about five minutes," Stan answered.

"How many people are on, not including me?" Harry asked.

"Well, the top an' middle decks are full, an' they each hold a dozen. An' there are five people down 'ere. So, that's twenty-nine," Stan answered.

"How long will it take us to get to the Leaky Cauldron if I'm the last one off?" Harry asked dully.

"About an 'our an' a 'alf," Stan said.

"Thanks," Harry said.

"No problem," Stan smiled as he turned and walked away.

Harry rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. There was a loud _bang_ and the bus started moving at a fast speed. He sighed as he opened his eyes. Stan was walking up the stairs holding onto the railing so that he didn't fall. A moment later Stan appeared at the top of the stairs and started walking down them. The bus made a sharp turn and Stan fell on his butt. When he got up Harry noticed that there where to people him. They were holding hands and carrying a lot of luggage.

'They much be running away together,' Harry thought.

He sighed as he thought about his love. But, he knew that she was in love with someone else. He had known that she loved someone else, even before he got a crush on her. Why did she have to love someone else? Why couldn't she love him? He knew that even if she did love him it would only be because he was the saviour of the wizarding world. The question that really bugged him was why did she love his best friend, Ron Weasley, of all people. She was smart, pretty, and better then that. He knew he shouldn't be thinking badly about he best friend, but he couldn't help it.

Harry also knew that Ron secretly loved Hermione, he had told him one night. And, Hermione had told him that she was in love with Ron. Harry sighed. As he continued to think, he didn't even know why he loved Hermione in that kind of way. Besides, what was the point of loving someone who would never love back in that kind of way?

As Harry continued to think about Hermione, he began to realize that he didn't actually love her. As he continued to think about her even more he realized that she was bossy, really nosy and a little to snobby for his tastes. He concluded that he didn't even like her in that kind of way. Then as he thought about why he even loved her, he suddenly he realize that he never loved her in that kind of way, he only thought he did to try and ease the pain of losing people that he loved. He did love her, but only as a friend. Harry let out a small smile as he realized that he only loved her as a friend and nothing else, he noticed that he felt much better. The pain that he felt because she wouldn't ever love him back had vanished.

Harry felt much better now, like a piece from his heart that was missing was back. He figured that finding out that he didn't love Hermione was the first step in healing his broken heart. Now, he could move onto things that are more important that he needed to heal in his heart. But, he knew that he couldn't do anything about the major hurt until he healed every other little hurt that he felt.

Harry knew that everything was going to take some time, but he knew that he could do it. He could work on some of the very small hurts during school, like having a low self-esteem, looking on the positive side on things more often, finding out if people only liked him because he was the saviour of the wizarding world. Besides, he knew that school would take his mind off of things for a while.

_BANG!_

The Knight Bus had stopped; Harry went flying to the foot of the bed and hit his face off of one of the poles at the end of the bed. He winced; he had hit the side of his face that was bruised. His eyes started to water a little as he moved to lie back down. He knew that the bruise was going to be bigger now. Harry grabbed one of the poles at the head of the bed so that he didn't go flying again.

_BANG!_

The bus started to move again. Harry let go of the pole and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. He sighed; at least he wouldn't have to ever worry about his uncle beating him again, or worry about his uncle…

Harry shook his head; he wasn't going to think about that, not now at least. But, he knew that if he ever wanted to heal his broken heart that he would have to think about that, tell someone and talk to him or her about it even. Until that day came, he wasn't going to think about it.

"'Arry," Stan said, startling him and making him jump. "Sorry about that, but your 'ot-chocolate spilled, do you want another one? I can but it in a bottle."

"Sure," Harry said as he sat up. Stan went to get a Harry another hot chocolate. A moment later, he returned.

"There you go," Stan said as he handed Harry the bottle of hot chocolate.

"Thanks," Harry said dully as he took the bottle from him.

"No problem," Stan said as he sat down on the edge of the bed that Harry was sitting on.

"Stan," Ernie called.

"Yea?" Stan called back.

"Go and get Ms Savannah McCarthy, her stop is in a few minutes," Ernie said.

"K," Stan called as he stood up and made his way to the second deck.

A few minutes later Stan returned with a girl that looked about fourteen. They made there way to the front of the bus. Harry noticed that her luggage was levitating. When Savannah and Stan made it to the front of the bus Savannah waved her hand and her luggage lowered to the ground. Harry looked at the trunk that she had, it had the Slytherin crest on it.

_BANG!_

The bus stopped, Harry grabbed a pole just in time to stop himself for flying forwards. Savannah waved her hand and her trunk levitated. She walked off the bus, her trunk behind her.

_BANG!_

Harry let go of the pole and lied down on his side. Stan was walking by Harry's bed, making his way to the second deck when Harry spoke to him.

"How much longer 'til we get to the Leaky Cauldron?" Harry asked.

"'Bout another 'our an' ten minutes," Stan said.

"How many more stops?" Harry asked.

"Stan," Ernie called, "Go and get the Castelhano family."

"Ok," Stan answered.

He stood up and made his way upstairs. A few moments later he returned with five people behind him. They each had dirty-blonde hair and green eyes. There were three children and two adults; they were each carrying a lot of luggage. They made there way to the front of the bus and stopped.

_BANG!_

The bus stopped, Harry had grabbed a pole just in time to stop himself from flying forwards. The Castelhano family walked off the bus as quickly as they could. The children were the first one to get off, then the adults.

_BANG!_

The bus started moving, and Stan started to walk back over to Harry. He noticed that Harry looked tired, like he hadn't slept in days.

"Sorry," Stan said, "What woss the question?"

"How many more stops left 'til we get to the Leaky Cauldron?" Harry asked coldly

"'Bout three," Stan said.

"Thanks," Harry said.

"No problem," Stan said as he walked back to the front of the bus.

Harry sighed as he closed his eyes. He still had about an hour until he arrived at the Leaky Cauldron he figured he might as well try and get some sleep. He lay in the bed for five minutes tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable, but to no avail, it was useless. He decided that he would just lie there until the Knight Bus arrived at the Leaky Cauldron.

As he lay there, he began to think again. Would they know where to send his letter for school supplies? If they knew where he was, would they try and send him back with his aunt and uncle? Would they let him stay or make him go with them somewhere? Would they question him as to why he ran away? Would they even care if he were gone? Would they even notice if he was missing? What would they do about it? As all these things ran through his head, he began to wonder if anyone out there even cared about him and didn't care the he was the Saviour of the Wizarding World. Harry really hope so, he knew that that would make life a little bit easier for him knowing that at least one person care about him and didn't care that he was supposed to save the Wizarding World.

Harry hoped that, if they found him, they wouldn't question him about what made him run away and what happened that they didn't know abut, because he didn't think he was ready to talk about it yet, it would be to much to deal with. He didn't think that he would be able to handle it, he was afraid of what might happen if he did tell someone. He didn't even want to think about what would happen. He couldn't stop himself, though. He knew that he would probably break down and cry and he didn't want people to think that he, the Saviour of the Wizarding World, was weak and couldn't handle what his uncle and cousin had done to him.

Also, he knew that something would happen to him uncle and cousin if he told someone what they had done to him, and he didn't think he was ready to deal with that either. He would probably have to go to court because they would charge him for the things that they did to him. That would mean that he would have to tell everyone what he had been through. He knew that the _Daily Prophet_ would have a field day about what he told everyone. He could just imagine what everyone at school would think about him if they were to found about what he had been through. Harry knew that Malfoy and the other Slytherin's would probably make a joke about it all and tease him to no end.

Harry sighed; he didn't think he would be ready for anything that was going to happen in the next month or so. If they did ask him why he ran away and what was wrong then he would refuse to tell them, at least until he was ready, but he knew that that wouldn't be anytime soon. He just hoped that they wouldn't ask him and that they would just let him stay where he was going for the rest of the summer. If they did, in fact, do that, then he would have a whole month to himself. A whole month to think about everything that he went through and to try and help himself get over most of it.

Harry knew that if they found him and let him stay at the Leaky Cauldron that he would have to work on breaking his habits. He knew, though, that old habits die-hard. He also knew that it was going to be hard, but he had to find some way to make himself feel better about everything that he had gone through throughout his entire life and to deal with everything, besides cutting, he knew he had to stop that. Harry tried to think of some other ways of dealing with everything, but he couldn't think of anything. He would probably think of something after he had more sleep or if an idea suddenly came to him, either way worked for him though.

He sighed, it was going to be difficult to get through everything, he knew that, but he was going to do it, getting through this was some he had to do. Harry promised himself that no matter what happened or how long it would take, he was going to get over everything. He knew he needed to talk to someone about it, but he didn't know if he was ready yet. First, he had to find somebody he could trust to talk to about it. Second, he had to make sure that he was ready to tell someone everything that he had been through.

As Harry lay in the bed, he began to think of some people that he could talk to. The first person he thought of was Dumbledore, but Harry didn't feel entirely comfortable around him, the look that Dumbledore would always give gave Harry goose bumps, it was as though he knew everything.

The next person that he thought of was Remus, but he didn't think that it was such a good idea. Remus was still trying to cope with the fact that Sirius was gone, forever. Harry knew that telling him what he had gone through in his life would only make things worse for Remus. Remus already had enough to deal with, what with losing his best friend and all, and feeling like it was his fault that Sirius was gone. Harry didn't need to make Remus fall into an even deeper state of depression then what he already was in. Harry sighed; maybe he could talk to Remus about everything one day.

Another person came to mind, Tonks. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to her about it either. Sure, she was fun loving and very optimistic, but he didn't feel that comfortable around her. Harry knew that she was also trying to cope with the loss of Sirius; he had been her cousin after all. Harry decided that he didn't want to trouble her with his problems, she had enough of her own without adding his troubles to the equation.

Harry sighed again; he couldn't think of anyone else that he could possible talk to about everything. For now, Harry decided to give up on trying to think of someone to talk to. All Harry wanted to do was try to get some sleep. Harry rolled over onto his side in an attempt to get comfortable, but still it was no use.

"Stan, go and get the Rathier family, their stop is in a few moments," Harry opened his eyes and rolled onto his back when he heard Ernie speak.

"OK," Stan said as he walked to the stairs at the back of the bus.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Stan disappear up the stairs. Harry sighed, he was tired, and he couldn't wait to get to the Leaky Cauldron. A few seconds later, Stan emerged at the bottom of the stairs with four people behind him. There were two children and two adults. Stan led them to the front of the bus, where they stood waiting. Harry, knowing what was about to happen, grabbed onto one of the poles at the head of the bed.

_BANG!_

The bus stopped with violent jerk, the Rathier family looked almost thankful to be off of the bus. The family was having problems getting off the bus; one of the children carrying a trunk had gotten caught on something. Stan, with a wave of his wand, helped the little child get free, and then he picked up the trunk and carried it of the bus. When Stan got on the bus, he sat down in the nearest seat, then he grabbed onto a pole that was near.

_BANG!_

The bus started to move again, Harry let go of the pole and closed his eyes again. He was tired and wanted to sleep, he knew that if he fell asleep now that he wouldn't wake up when it was time for him to get off. He had to fight the tiredness, but he couldn't think of how to do that. He had thought about reading but he knew for a fact that that would make him even more tired then what he already was.

After a few moments of coming up with nothing to do to keep himself awake, Harry decided to just lay there and do nothing. He knew that he could just lie there and do nothing; he would probably end up laying on the bed thinking about something. At the moment, Harry had so many things that he wanted to think about, he didn't even know where to begin. He sighed, he needed to find someway to keep track of his thoughts, to organize them, to get them out of his head so that he felt better about things. He knew that just thinking about things wouldn't make him feel any better it would just make him feel worse, he had to find some way to get them out of his head, so that they weren't there as much and they weren't as painful when he thought about them.

Maybe he could talk to someone about it, but he already established that he didn't think he was ready to tell anyone just yet. So, with talking to someone out of the question, that didn't leave many options. He could put his thoughts into a Pensieve, but he didn't know where to get one, so, that was out of the question too. He tried hard to think of some other way to make himself feel better about everything. He sighed in frustration, he couldn't think of anything.

After a few moments, Harry gave up on thinking of some other way to manage his thoughts. Instead, he decided to just think about something that he wanted to feel better about. He didn't really care what it was because he didn't even know where to begin thinking about everything. Should he start with the worst things first or should he start with the small things and work his way up to the worst things? Harry didn't know, he figured that he wouldn't be able to feel better about the worst things until he feel better about all the smaller things. He decided to start with the smaller things.

Harry couldn't think of anything, though. There was one thing that he kept thinking about; why his uncle always beat him? Harry had wondered that for as long as he could remember. When he was little his uncle used to hit him a lot when he didn't finish cleaning the house at a specific time or when he did something wrong. He always thought that his uncle was only disciplining him. As he got older, though, his uncle began to actually beat him.

For as long as he could remember, Harry was always told that he was useless, stupid, incompetent, and that he didn't deserve to live. For a few years Harry wondered why his uncle was always saying things like that and wondered what he had done wrong to make his uncle so mad at him all of the time.

For so long, Harry remembered crying himself to sleep because he felt that, no matter how hard he tried, he could never do anything right. Vernon had always made him feel useless, unwanted, and like he didn't deserve to live. From the ages of five to eleven were the years that Harry could cry himself to sleep almost every night. He didn't understand why Vernon would always yell at him and hit him; even now, Harry didn't completely understand why Vernon did that. He had something of an idea, though. Harry didn't think that his idea was even close to the real reason why.

Harry let out a sad sigh as he remembered all the emotional abuse Vernon had put him through. No person, especially a young child like Harry used to be, should have to suffer anything that Harry went through in his life. He wouldn't wish anyone to go through what he did, not even Draco Malfoy.

Harry was brought back from his thoughts when he heard Ernie shouted, "Stan, go and wake up the Hiwatari family, their stop is in about ten minutes!"

"Ok," Harry heard Stan call back. Harry sighed as he heard Stan walk past him; he just wanted to get to the Leaky Cauldron.

Harry rolled over onto his side and opened his eyes; he wanted this ride to end. He let out a small smile as he remembered that there was only one more stop before he could finally get off of the Knight Bus. A moment later Stan appeared at the bottom of the staircase with four tired looking people, two children and two adults. They looked in rough shape, their clothes where all torn and dirty. Also, they didn't have any luggage.

As Stan and the Hiwatari family walked up to the front of the bus, Harry sat up and grabbed one of the posts at the head of the bed, preparing himself for the stop. As Harry looked at the front of the bus, he felt sort of sorry for the family that was about to get off. He could tell that, by the state of their clothes that they were a poor family. Harry was reminded instantly of the Weasley's.

_BANG!_

The Knight Bus stopped and Harry, the Hiwatari family and Stan jerked forward slightly. Harry didn't have time to think any more about the Weasley's and the Hiwatari's, because the Hiwatari's were getting off the Bus. Harry caught one last glimpse of the family before they disappeared off the bus, they all looked sad.

_BANG!_

The Bus jerked forward as it started to move again. Seeing as he was sitting up, Harry decided to drink some of his hot chocolate before it was his stop. Harry reached for the bottle that contained the hot chocolate, took the lid off and drank some. It was still a little hot, but not to hot. Harry put the lid back onto the bottle and put the bottle back on the nightstand. He lied back down and yawned, he wanted to get to the Leaky Cauldron so he could get some sleep.

As the minutes ticked away, Harry started to worry. What if someone was already at the Leaky Cauldron, waiting for him? What if they wanted to take him back to the Dursley's? What if they punished him for running away? What if they forced him to tell them why he ran away and what was going on that they didn't know about? Harry shook his head; he didn't want to think about that unless it actually happened. Knowing the people that he knew, though, they probably would be there waiting for him.

Harry felt himself getting a little angry at the thought that people wouldn't leave him alone; just let him have time to himself. Couldn't people understand that he wanted to be left alone, that he didn't want to be bugged by anyone, that he just wanted some time to himself? He sighed, wasn't there anyone that knew what he was going through right now? Wasn't there anyone who was going through that same thing that he was, so that they could suffer together? Harry was tired of always being alone; he wanted someone to be here for him, to comfort him in his times of need. Sure, he wanted to be left alone, but this was different. He wanted to be left alone by the adults and the media, and anyone who wanted to know things that he didn't or wasn't ready to tell them.

Harry shook his head, he didn't want to think of anything right now, all he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew that he would have to wait at least twenty minutes. He sighed, he knew that it was probably going to be the longest twenty minutes of his life. He opened his eyes and sat up, he grabbed his hot chocolate and drank some more of it. Harry drank the rest of the hot chocolate in one shot, and put the bottle back on the nightstand. Harry was starting to get impatient; he wanted to get to the Leaky Cauldron so he could sleep.

"Stan, go and get Ms. Kyra -" Ernie was cut off.

"Yea, yea" Stan said, not caring that he interrupted Ernie. Stan made his way upstairs to get Kyra. A few moments later, he emerged at the bottom of the stairs with a young girl. She looked about fifteen; she had red bangs and long black hair that was tied in a high ponytail. Also, she was very pale. She had on black clothes, which made her look even more pale then she really was, and lots of chains and spikes; she was dressed in the same style as Harry, rebel and punk.

Kyra followed Stan to the front of the Bus. Harry grabbed onto the pole so that when the Bus stopped he didn't fly forward. He noticed that Stan and Kyra grabbed onto a nearby pole, too.

_BANG!_

The Knight Bus jerked forward as it came to a stop. Kyra walked off the Bus with a blank expression on her face, but Harry saw doubt and some determination in her eyes. Next second, Kyra disappeared from view as she stepped off of the Knight Bus.

_BANG!_

The Bus jerked again as it started to move again. Harry let go of the pole and lied back down. He closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them Stan would be telling him that his stop was in a moment. Harry knew that it wasn't that simple, though, nothing in life was simple, especially with him.

Harry sighed; something about the girl that just got off reminded him of someone. He didn't know whom, though. The way that she held herself, her eyes, her face, her body structure (from what Harry saw), her hair, they all reminded Harry of someone, but he couldn't think of who it was. Harry felt as if he knew her, but it was impossible, he had never seen her before.

Harry remembered overhearing Dumbledore talking to someone, Harry didn't know who, and mentioning the name Kyra. That was a few months ago, though. Harry started to wonder if that girl was the same girl that Dumbledore had mentioned. He couldn't be sure, though, because Dumbledore was cut off before he could say her last name, if he was going to say her last name, and Ernie was cut off from saying this girl's last name because of Stan.

Harry shook his head; he really wanted to know who that girl was now. He wanted to know who she reminded him of, too. Maybe she worked for the Order of the Phoenix, seeing as Dumbledore was talking about her, and he just hadn't heard about her. He figured that there must be a lot of people working for the Order and he didn't know about them. Maybe she was working for Lord Voldemort. There were hundreds of possibilities about who she could be. He decided that he wouldn't worry about that right now, though, he would ask Dumbledore about it later.

Harry sighed; he just wanted to get to where he was going so that he could sleep. He rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes; he knew that his stop couldn't be much longer. Harry figured that maybe if he closed his eyes that the next time he opened them would be because Stan was shaking him, telling him that his stop would be in a few minutes. With that thought, Harry let the feeling of numbness take over him. Harry had just about entered the realm of dreams when he opened his eyes to see Stan standing in front of him.

After Stan saw that Harry was awake he left. Harry let a small smile grace his tired face; he was finally going to get some sleep. He quickly sat up, put his shoes on and waved his hand, making his trunk levitate behind him as he walked to the front of the bus. A moment after he reached the front the bus jerked, and Harry, not paying attention, went flying into the windshield of the bus. He groaned as he got up and exited the bus, his trunk behind him.

_BANG!_

The Knight Bus took off into the blackness of the night. Harry sighed, it had been a long night and he wanted to check in at the Leaky Cauldron and sleep. Harry walked into the building and made his way to the front desk where Tom, the Innkeeper, was standing.

"Hello, how many I help you?" Tom said politely.

"I'd like to rent a room until the end of the summer, please," Harry said coldly.

"Okay, that'll be fifty Galleons," Tom said. Harry took fifty Galleons from a pouch on his trunk and handed the gold to Tom.

"Thank you," Tom said as he took at gold from Harry. "You will be staying in room eleven, but I must let you know that-"

"I really don't care at the moment," Harry said, snappishly. "I just want to get to my room and sleep."

"Yes, sir," Tom said as he handed Harry the key for the room he was going to be staying in.

"Thank you," Harry said as he took the key and turned around, walking to where his room was, his trunk floating along behind him.

Harry didn't need anyone to show him where his room was because three years previous he had stayed in that room when he ran away from the Dursley's. This time, though, he knew that he wasn't going to ever go back to the place again, no one could make him. Besides, even if he did end up back there, he would just leave again, he was old enough, now, to live on his own and he had enough money to pay for things until he finished school and got a job. If they did try and make him go back to that retched place he wouldn't go, at least, not without putting up a good fight.

Harry figured that when he got to the room that he was staying in that he would be alone, so he took down his glamour charm and continued to make his way to the room. When he arrived there the light was on, he assumed that it was supposed to be. He opened that door and walked in, trunk floating along behind him. When he and his trunk was in, he shut the door. He looked around the room and saw something unexpected.

"Fuck!"

* * *

Okay…I know that this chapter kinda REALLY sucked…but I was having a bit of writers block and I couldn't think of anything to write until Harry got to the Leaky Cauldron…. and I know some of it more then likely made no sense or just completely confused you all… please forgive me…I cant promise that the next chapter will be better…but you can all be sure that it will be a little bit less confusing. Anyways, thank you all for reading my story and stay tuned for the next chapter.

I would like to thank my wonderful reviewers!

**Elektra107:** I'm so happy that you love my story so far. And I'm glad that you like the fact that Harry has his tongue pierced, I like they idea too, that's why I used it. lol!

**Hiero Kaze: **I'm glad that you find my story interesting. I'll try to update as soon as I can, but with school starting in a few days, you might have to wait a while before I can post the next chapter. lol!

**Jujube15: **Thanks for the compliment, it means a lot to me.

**Meisme: **Well, you asked for more and you got it. I hoped you like this chapter as much as the last.

**Muttering Condolences: **I know that the song is a little cliché, but it felt like a good song for me to use. lol. I can't tell you what I plan on doing; I'll ruin the story. lol. But I'll tell you that before Harry even starts to fight in the war he has to heal a little first.

**Fifespice: **I'm SOOO happy that you think my story is good, it means a lot to me when people say that! I'll try and update as soon as I can for every chapter.

WOW! I'm surprised that I received so many reviews, and not a single flame! I'm SOO happy, all your compliments mean a lot to mean and give me the encouragement to continue on with my story! Please review with chapter and tell me what you think, and be honest, that way I know where I made a mistake, I can fix it, and hopefully prevent it from happening again. And if you think that this chapter just really sux, then say that, give me pointers and tips on how I could make this chapter better and ill fix it and reload it. Anywayz, I even think that this chapter sucks, I think that its really boring. lol. Anywayz. Please review me and tell me what you all think!

-Wykked As Syn


	3. Something Unexpected

**Note:** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Something Unexpected**

"Fuck," Harry muttered.

Another person was in the room, Harry could tell who it was from behind. It was someone he didn't want to see in school, let alone out of school, Draco Malfoy. It was obvious that Malfoy was too preoccupied because he didn't even notice that Harry had entered the room or had muttered something. Harry moved over to one of the two beds in the room and waved his hand, his trunk landed at the foot of the four-poster bed with a light _thump_. After the trunk had landed, that was when Malfoy had turned around.

"For fuck sakes," Malfoy said when he was Harry.

Harry didn't bother to acknowledge Malfoy when he spoke. Instead, he had spotted something out of the corner of his eye, a sliding door that, Harry assumed, led to a balcony. Harry walked towards it, ignoring Malfoy, slid the doors open, and stepped outside into the cool air, it was beautiful out tonight, if Harry weren't so tired he would stand outside looking at everything and admiring the mysteriousness of what the nighttime brought. He walked to the railing and grabbed something out of the pocket of his sweater; it was a pack of cigarettes. He took on out of the pack and lit it, taking a long drag as he leaned against the railing of the balcony.

Harry had started to smoke after his fourth year when Cedric died. The first time he tried smoke he had just finished his third year, he hadn't liked it. Ever since Cedric died, though, he tried it again and found that it soothed his nerves a little. From the summer after his fourth year and on, he had stolen Dudley's cigarettes, and during school he had someone send him two packs a week. He had met a witch during his the summer after his fourth year; she had just graduated from Hogwarts. Harry had met her when he went to Diagon Alley to get his school supplies; he had stayed at the Leaky Cauldron for a few nights and went out at night to look around.

During his little exploration he had found out that he could get into bars, they didn't really have an age limit, if you looked younger then fourteen then you wouldn't be able to get in. He had met the young witch in one of the bars he went to. Her name was Cimmeron, she had been very nice Harry, even before she found out that he was Harry Potter (he had put a charm on his scar), and when she did find out, she didn't treat him any differently, which he was thankful for.

Taking another long drag of his cigarette, Harry stared out into the blackness of the night. To him, the night was so mysterious, dangerous, unknown, and beautiful. During the night, you never know what to expect, someone could be following you and you wouldn't even know it, something could attack you and you wouldn't have enough time to defend yourself. Taking another drag of his cigarette, a small smile graced Harry's face as he thought back what the night had to offer.

Harry stood admiring the knighted as he smoked the rest of his cigarette, when he was done he threw down off the balcony and watched as the little red dot that was his cigarette fell to the ground. Sighing, Harry went back inside and slid the doors closed, and then he walked over to his trunk and pulled out some pajamas, then walked over to the nightstand beside his bed and placed his pack of cigarettes and lighter on it.

He looked around the room, it was white with black trimming everywhere, the frame of the doors was black, the hangings around the beds was black the dressers were all black and the carpet was black. Harry continued to look around and saw that there were two bathrooms in the room. He walked over to one, went in and shut the door. He looked around, the counter was black marble and the floor was checkered black and white, the shower had a black marble floor and sliding doors that were tinted black. In Harry's opinion it was a beautiful room, it had changed since the last time he was in it, back when he was about to start his third year.

Harry quickly undressed, then he looked at himself in the mirror, he could see bruises forming along his hips, chest and legs where his uncle had hit him. Sighing, Harry quickly put on his nightclothes and looked back into the mirror. He closed his eyes and his face glowed lightly before it stopped. He opened his eyes and looked back into the mirror, know his eyebrow had a small metal barrel through it. Harry had used a glamour charm to cover it up so that his uncle didn't do something like rip it out.

Harry had gotten his eyebrow pierced the same time that he got his tongue pierced. He waved his hand and a bottle and little container appeared on the marble counter, it was the cleaning solutions for his tongue and eyebrow. Harry quickly cleaned them both, put the bottle and container into the corner, kicked his dirty close into a corner and left the bathroom, but not before he made sure that he put the glamour up on his arms to hide his scars, because tonight he was wearing a black t-shirt and baggy black jogging pants that clung nicely to his bruising hips.

Harry walked over to the bed that his trunk was in front of and lied down on the bed. Harry yawned widely as he crawled under the black blankets; he was just about to close the curtains around his bed when Malfoy spoke.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Potter?" Malfoy asked coldly.

"I could ask you the same thing, Malfoy," Harry said tiredly, he wasn't in the mood to argue with Malfoy.

"It's none of your business what the fuck I'm doing here," Malfoy said.

"Well, then it's none of your fucking business what I'm doing here. Now shut the fuck up, I wanna fucking go to sleep," Harry said getting irritated and moody, he usually got like that when he was tired.

Harry, then shut the curtains around his bed and put up a silencing charm, the last thing he wanted anyone, especially Malfoy, to hear was him having nightmares and screaming. His first night back at the Dursley's he didn't put up a silencing charm and he had had a nightmare and woke up screaming, he uncle had come into the room completely pissed off. He had beaten Harry with a leather belt, Harry still had the welts from the belt, though, now there were fading.

Yawning once more, Harry rolled over onto his back and with minutes fell into a peaceful asleep, something he hadn't had in a long while.

* * *

Harry woke up the next morning feeling better then he had felt in years. He sat up and took the silencing charm off his bed, then he reached over to the nightstand, grabbed his cigarettes and walked over to the sliding doors. He slid it open and stepped outside. Harry was surprised to see Malfoy leaning against the railing with a cigarette in his hand. Harry took a cigarette out of his pack and lit it, then he walked over and leaned on the railing next to Malfoy.

'_Might as well _try_ and get along with him,' _Harry thought to himself. _'Seeing as I have to spend the rest of the summer with him.'_

"Didn't know you smoked," Harry said before he took a long drag of his cigarette.

"Didn't know you had your eyebrow pierced," Malfoy said nonchalantly.

"Well," Harry said. "I'm full of surprises."

"So am I," Malfoy said, looking at Harry. "Do Granger and Weasel know that you smoke?"

"No, I have no intention of telling them, either, they don't need to know every fucking thing that I do," Harry said as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"Oh," Malfoy said as he, too, took a drag of his cigarette. "Are you mad at them or something?" 

"You could say that, I guess," Harry said.

"Oh," Malfoy said. "What happened?"

"That, Malfoy, is none of you goddamn business," Harry said, a little anger evident in his voice.

"Oh, sorry," Malfoy apologized.

"Ok, what the fuck is going on?" Harry snapped. "Last year you were an insufferable prat, who hated me, and now your talking to me, nicely might it add, and not trying to rip me apart."

"Yea, well maybe I'm just trying to be civil because I'm stuck in the room with you until school starts," Malfoy snapped back.

"Whatever," Harry said as he took one last long drag off his cigarette before he threw it away.

Harry, then, turned around and went inside. He walked over to his trunk, grabbed some clean clothes and walked over to the bathroom that he had used the night before. He shut the door and quickly stripped himself of his pajamas, then he turned on the water in the shower and adjusted it to the right temperature. He stepped into the shower and under the shower faucet, then sighed as the water ran down he body.

The water was hot enough to create steam, but not hot enough to hurt. Over the four weeks of summer, Harry's body finally started to fill out, he had a Quidditch build that was more noticeable and he wasn't skinny anymore, he had muscles. Even though he had muscles, that didn't stop Vernon from beating him, sure Harry was strong, but not strong enough to stop his uncle.

Sighing, Harry reached for a bottle of shampoo, that the Leaky Cauldron provided in every room, and squeezed a small amount onto the palm of his hand and started to lather it into his hair. He rinsed it out and did that same thing with the conditioner. Then, he waved his hand and all the marks and scars on his arms appeared. He looked at then for a minute, he looked over the straight lines on his wrist where his veins were then the other side of his wrist. Instead of lines, there were designs, one of a teardrop that represented sadness, and a red one that was a broken heart that represented how his heart felt. The broken heart was still red; he had done it a few days ago.

Harry moved his attention away from his arm and focused, instead, on washing his body. When he was done that, he stood under the shower faucet, letting the water run down his body for a few moments, before he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He quickly dried himself off and got dressed.

He wore semi-baggy black jeans with red stitching and a rip in the knee. Also, it had several chains on it, two on each side of his leg and one going across the front, on one leg, one chain had a skeleton head on it and the other chain had a miniature dagger on it. One of the chains on the other leg had a broken heart on it and the other chain had a phoenix on it. The chain going across the front had many different little things on it.

Harry wore a tight black long sleeved shirt and in blood red letters it said 'Pain Is Beauty' with a picture of a male blonde angel with his back bleeding where his wings connected. Harry, also, wore two spiked bracelets on each wrist; each bracelet had a different look to it. He wore two necklaces, one was a spiked chocker and the other had a black piece on it them a spike and then a black piece and a spike, this pattern continued all the way around. In the middle of the necklace was a small metal cobra.

Harry then waved his hand and a bottle of gel appeared on the counter. He squeezed a small amount onto his hand, rubbed his hands together and then rubbed it into his hair, giving it more of a messy look. When he was done with his hair we washed his hand to get the gel off then he quickly put the gel in the corner with the cleaning solutions for his piercing. Harry quickly cleaned his eyebrow and tongue, then walked out of the bathroom.

Harry walked over to his trunk and pulled out a two socks, one black and the other red, Harry didn't bother to match his socks anymore, he didn't care if they matched or not. He sat on his bed and put them on, then he grabbed his cigarettes and went outside on the balcony. He took a cigarette out of his pack and lit it, then he walked over to the railing and leaned on it.

He took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly. Harry heard the doors behind him slid open and close the flick of a lighter, then Malfoy was standing beside him, leaning on the railing, as well. The two stood in silence for a moment before Malfoy spoke.

"Nice outfit," Malfoy said before he took a drag of his cigarette.

"Are you being sarcastic when you say that?" Harry asked as he turned around and leaned his bum against the railing. He watched as Malfoy looked at his pants, then his shirt, bracelets and necklaces.

"Amazingly enough, no," Malfoy said when he finished looking completely at Harry's outfit.

"Wow, surprise," Harry said sarcastically.

"Since when did you wear clothes like that?" Malfoy asked.

"Since the beginning of the summer," Harry answered coldly before he took a long drag of his cigarette.

"Granger and Weasel will freak when they see you," Malfoy said, smirking.

"Good," Harry said. "Maybe I should keep my glamour down then,"

"Huh?" Malfoy asked, not understanding what Harry meant.

"The glamour I use to cover my pierings," Harry said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh," Malfoy said as he took a long drag of his cigarette. The two stood there in silence as they finished the rest of their cigarettes. Both threw them down and went inside.

"Do you have any other piercings?" Malfoy asked has he walked over to his bed and sat down. Harry didn't reply, he just looked at Malfoy and stuck out his tongue. Malfoy smirked as he stuck out his tongue, revealing that he, too, had it pierced.

"Interesting," Harry said, smirking.

"Yea," Malfoy said, still smirking.

"Anyways," Harry said. "I'm going out."

"Whatever." Malfoy said as he reached for a book on his nightstand.

Harry put his shoes on and left. He walked around Diagon Alley, then went to Knockturn Alley. He was looking for a shop that he had seen a while ago. After walking around for an hour he found it. He walked into the place called 'Golden Needlez'; it was a piercing place. Harry walked up to the lady sitting at a desk.

"What would you like to get pierced," She asked as she looked up at Harry.

"My lip," Harry said nonchalantly.

"Ok, follow me," The lady said as she stood up and led Harry to a room full of piercing supplies. Harry sat down on the little bed and waited as the girl got everything ready for piercing.

"Where do you want it?" She asked.

Harry put his fingers on the center of his bottom lip, his index finger at the back part of his lip, just before his lip started to go into his mouth and his thumb right where the pinkness of his lip ended. The girl nodded her head and marked where the holes should be, put a little metal clamp on his lip and told him to close his eyes and take a deep breath. Harry did as he was told and closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The next second his lip was stinging, he opened his eyes and saw that they girl was getting ready to put the hoop through.

A moment later the girl told Harry to look in the mirror and see how he liked it. Harry did as he was told and smirked; it looked great on him. He walked back over to the girl who was cleaning everything up and getting his cleaning solution ready for him.

"Now, don't clean it tonight, but clean it three times a day, with this, for the next four weeks," She said as she handed him a bottle with a white liquid in it. "Now, that'll be sixty Galleons."

Harry paid the girl and left the store, as he walked back to the Leaky Cauldron his lip stung. The entire walk from 'Golden Needlez' to the Leaky Cauldron, Harry had a smirk on his face. Harry walked into the room, with a smirk, and kicked off his shoes. He walked over to his bed, put the cleaning solution on the night stand and lied down on his bed.

Harry heard one of the bathroom doors open and saw Malfoy walking over his him own bed and lay door. Malfoy was totally oblivious to Harry as he picked up his book and continued to read again. Harry's smirk grew a little as he thought of something.

"BOO!" Harry shouted.

"Fuck!" Malfoy shouted, jumping a few inches into the air, literally. Harry tried not to laugh, but when Malfoy looked at him with a panicked expression on his face Harry burst out laughing. "For fuck sakes, Potter."

"God, that was funny," Harry said as he stopped laughing. "You should have seen the look on your face, Malfoy."

"That wasn't funny," Malfoy said as he started to laugh a little.

"Yea it was," Harry said, smirking.

"What the fuck happened to your lip?" Malfoy asked.

"I got it pierced," Harry said nonchalantly.

"Right," Malfoy said before he went back to reading. Harry grabbed a book from his nightstand and started to read, too, seeing as there was nothing else to do.

Hours later, Harry finished the book he was reading and yawned. He looked at the clock on the wall; it read 12:25. Harry stood up, grabbed a pair of pajamas from his trunk, went to the bathroom and changed. He walked over to his bed, crawled under the covers, closed the curtains and put up a silencing charm. Harry lied on his back and with minutes he fell asleep.

* * *

There was a week left until school started and Harry wasn't looking forward to it, he knew that he was going to get lectured about running off, but at least nobody came to get him. That was the only good thing, aside from going out and getting one more piercing before school started. This time, Harry had gotten his right nipple pierced; it had hurt like, for lack of better word, a mother-fucker, but he didn't care. He liked pain.

Over the three weeks that he had been at the Leaky Cauldron with Malfoy, he hadn't really talked much with him. The occasionally little conversation when they would have a cigarette at the same time; but that was it. He had received his letter from Hogwarts stating what he needed for this school year. Which meant that they knew where he was, but they didn't come looking for him, which made Harry wonder.

He went to Diagon Alley yesterday to pick up everything he needed and made a trip to Gringotts to grab some gold so that he had some to spend when he went to Hogsmeade. Harry had a gut feeling that this year wasn't going to be all that good, hectic at the least. The only thing he was looking forward to this year was damaging his 'Golden Boy' reputation. Harry smirked at the thought of what everyone was going to say when he showed up at the Hogwarts Express with piercings and chains and spikes. He could image Hermione fainting and Ron freaking out, this year was probably going to be very interesting to say at the least.

Smirking, Harry walked out of the room and went to Diagon Alley, there was one last thing he had to do before he went back to Hogwarts, streak the tips of his hair blood red. After walking around Diagon Alley looking for a shop that sold hair dye, he finally found one. He went in, purchased a red hair streaking kit and went back to the room.

An hour or so later, Harry walked out of the bathroom with the tips of his hair red. Harry smirked when he saw the look on Malfoy's face, but neither boy said anything to the other.

* * *

It was the night before Harry had to go back to school and Harry was having a restless sleep. He kept having nightmares, except tonight; they were different then the ones that he usually had.

Hours later, Harry was in his bed, covered in cold sweat and sobbing lightly, he was still asleep and was having another nightmare. This time though, it was different then the ones he usually had.

----------------------------------------------------------------------DREAM----------------------------------------------------------------------

_Harry was standing in a graveyard; the wind was barely blowing as Harry looked at the tombstones. Then he heard it, 'Kill the spare…' Then he saw a flash of green light being shot towards a figure that he couldn't make out, but he knew who it was, he had had this dream many times, but this time, it was somewhat different because he wasn't tied to Voldemort's fathers tombstone. He looked over to see who shot the curse that had just killed Cedric, though he already knew how it was. Just like what actually happened at the graveyard, Voldemort had risen, but the way that Wormtail had taken his blood was different, he had cast a spell that made one of Harry's already open wounds bleed and the blood shot towards a vile that Wormtail had in his hand._

_The same thing had happened, Voldemort did his speech and then they dueled, but when there wands connected and people started coming out of Voldemort's, Cedric didn't ask Harry to take him back to his parents, he told Harry that it was all his fault and that if it weren't for him, he'd still be alive. Harry knew that it was true, that it was his entire fault that Cedric had died, just like it was his fault that many other innocent people died. Harry listened to Cedric blaming him for everything before he finally broke down and cried, when he did, that's when Voldemort had sent the curse that had almost killed him, but before it had the chance to reach him, the dream changed._

_Now Harry was standing in the Department of Mysteries, the Prophecy had just fallen and a person came out and was speaking, but nobody heard it because everyone was dueling. Things seemed to fast-forward and now Harry was watching Sirius fall, slowly, to his premature demise. Harry had ran over to the Veil and tried to go behind it to save Sirius but Remus had held him back, telling him that Sirius was dead and that it was all his fault. He told Harry that it was his fault that so many people had died, including his parents. Remus along with Tonks, Dumbledore, Severus, and everyone else agreed with Remus, that it was his entire fault that Sirius and everyone else were gone._

_Severus started berating him, calling him worthless, useless, trash, telling him that he should be the one that's dead, the one that should die. Then, Severus started to shove him around and hit him, causing his lip to bleed. Dumbledore stepped in, and Harry hoped that he would stop Severus, but he didn't, instead Severus stepped aside and Dumbledore started telling him that he should kill him right then and there, but he preferred to torture him. Dumbledore did what he said, and tortured Harry right there; he had used the Cruciatus curse on him. Harry screamed so loud that he thought he was never going to be able to talk again when he was done. _

_Suddenly, Dumbledore stopped, Tonks walked up to him and started telling him how much she wished he was dead and how much she hated him, by this point Harry was crying, but none of them cared, why should they, it was his fault that everyone they knew and loved was dead, James, Lily, Sirius, and countless others. Tonks, then used the Cruciatus curse on him, though, it wasn't has powerful as Dumbledore's, it was still very powerful. After a moment, which felt like an eternity, she stopped, and she laughed. _

_She looked around at everyone in the room and nodded her head; they all nodded back, including the Death Eaters. Harry had a vague idea what they were all thinking. He was right, at the same time, everyone in the room, including the Death Eaters and Dumbledore's Army, all raised their wands to his chest and said, simultaneously, the Cruciatus curse. Everyone in the room laughed as Harry screamed as loud as he could, he felt as though his head was going to explode at any given second, he felt like he was going to die, but before he did, everything went black, and he could barely hear anything except for the faint laughter of everyone in the room at the Department of Mysteries._

----------------------------------------------------------------END OF DREAM ----------------------------------------------------------------

Harry woke up, sitting straight, he was panting slightly and was covered in cold sweat; he had tears running silently down his cheeks. Harry was thankful that he put a silencing charm up before he went to sleep because he started to cry, hard. He was felling guilty, like it was his fault that Sirius and Cedric had died. _'It's my fault there died,'_ Harry thought as he cried.

If he hadn't told Cedric to take the trophy with him and just taken it like Cedric said, then he would still be alive, it was all Harry's fault that Cedric was dead. It was all his fault that Sirius was dead, if he hadn't rushed off to save him then Sirius wouldn't have come to help Harry out in the Department of Mysteries.

Still crying, Harry reached underneath his pillow and pulled out his razorblade. He waved his hand over his arm and all his scars and cuts appeared. Harry placed the cold metal of the razorblade to an unmarked spot on his wrist, added pressure and quickly swiped it across his wrist, blood started to flow instantly. Harry sighed as he relished the blissful felling, but soon it started to fade and the hurt came back. Harry put the razorblade to another unmarked spot on his wrist; added even more pressure then before and dragged it quickly across his wrist. Before the razorblade even left his wrist blood had started to flow quickly, dropping onto the sheets.

Harry sighed as relief washed over him, but it started to fade and the hurt came back again. He put the razorblade to his wrist one last time and dragged it across his wrist quickly; it took a few seconds for the blood to start to flow. Harry put the razorblade back underneath his pillow and watched as the blood spilled onto the sheets of his bed. The blood stopped after a few moments.

"Potter, are you up?" Malfoy asked, startling Harry. Harry quickly waved his hand and the blood was cleaned up, he waved his hand again to put a glamour charm on his wrists. One more wave of his hand and the silencing charm was lifted. Harry quickly opened up the curtains of his bed.

"Yea, what is it Malfoy?" Harry asked coldly.

"Get your ass ready or we're going to be late," Malfoy said before he walked away.

Harry quickly showered, cleaned his piercings and got dressed. He was wearing the same thing that he wore the night after he arrived at the Leaky Cauldron and he did his hair the same way as well. Harry and Malfoy searched the room for the last of their stuff. When Malfoy in the bathroom Harry took the opportunity to pack his razorblade.

They arrived at Kings Cross and had ten minutes to get onto Platform 9 ¾ before the train left without them. They two boys ran all the way to the gate and through it, Harry looked at the clock, they still had five minutes until the train would depart.

"Anyways, Malfoy," Harry said.

"What is it Potter?" Malfoy asked, looking around.

"Could you not bug me too much this year?" Harry asked.

"Fine, what about your friends, you didn't say them," Malfoy said looking at Harry with curiosity on his face.

"I don't care, just don't do it when I'm around," Harry said.

"Fine," Malfoy said as he stopped Pansy, and Blaise. "I gotta, see you around, Potter."

"Yea, later, Malfoy," Harry said as he spotted Ron and Hermione.

* * *

OMG! I'm SOOOOO sorry that took so long! I had it written out already but I decided that I didn't like it so I started ALL over. I just wrote this in one sitting…so it my suck…I no that Draco and Harry are a little OOC, but…they'll get more in character when they arrive at Hogwarts…well at least Draco will.

Anywayz….I just wanna say that I might not be able to update that often because school just started and I've skipped six days and ive been sick for three….so ive got tons of homework to do…anywayz….i hope you all enjoyed this chapter…polz review and tell me what you think!

I'd like to thank all my WONDERFULL reviewers.

**Quitekass: **I'm glad that you like rebel Harry, I do too…lol…and I'm glad that you like the wandless magic. I no that most people don't like the cutting, but I don't care because I'm a cutter, trying to stop. I can't tell you if it's a hate dumbly fic cause that'll spoil the surprise…but you'll find out in the next chapter or the one after that. I hope...lol

**Hittocerebattosai: **lol…no need to beg…lol…but you can if you want…I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**MidnightsRose:** I'm happy that you love my story

**Eleltra107:** I'm sooo happy that you like my story…review and tell me what you thought of this chapter.

**AnnF:** Sorry…but that's the way that I write…but I promise you that as I get further into the story that there with be more action and less pondering…sorry if some parts contradict what I said before…I didn't mean to do that…lol

**FroBoy:** lol…now you know what Harry saw…lol…review and tell me what you thought of this chapter.

**Meisme:** lol…im sooo glad that you're interested in my story…now you gotta wait to see what happens next…lol

**Goldenswmmer15:** I'm glad that you love my story.

**Jujube15:** I no…thanks for the complement it means a lot to me…I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Fifespice:** lol…your guess is write…lol…I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**EvilPlotBunnyAKABella:** Your guess is write…lol…and I like your name…its cute

**Hiero Kaze:** lol…Yup…your right…well I hope that you like this chapter…review and tell me what you think.

Thank you all my wonderful reviewers! Your reviews mean a lot to me…they encourage me to write more. Anwayz…please review and tell me what you think of this chapter.

-Wykked As Syn


	4. The Hogwarts Express

**Note:** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Also, a review told me that I forgot to mention if this was slash or not. Just to clear things up, it IS, in fact, a slash fic. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Hogwarts Express**

Harry walked over from where he was standing to Ron and Hermione; he had to hold back a smirk as they both looked at him, as if they didn't recognize him.

"Um…Sorry, but who are you?" Hermione asked. Harry didn't say anything; he just shook his head once to reveal the scar on his forehead.

"Oh my god! Harry," Ron said.

"Harry," Hermione said as he hugged him. "Wow, you look so different!"

"Yea, mate," Ron agreed.

"What did you do to your hair?" Hermione asked as she looked at it.

"I streaked it," Harry said, moving his lips as little as possible, his lower lip was still sore and he didn't want them to see his tongue, yet. "Anyways, we better get on the train it's about to leave."

"Oh, right," Ron said.

The three of them made their way into the train and to the compartment at the back, where they usually sat. Just as they sat down, the train started to move. Harry sat at the window and Ron and Hermione sat next to each other.

"So, Harry, what's with the new look? Honestly, whom are you trying to impress with all those piercings and chains and your new hair? The shirt that you're wearing is so morbid. What's happened to you, Harry?" Hermione asked, trying not to yell, this wasn't the Harry that she knew.

"I'm not trying to impress anyone, Hermione and nothing's happened to me," Harry said coldly.

"Bullshit, you would never wear something like that and get piercings unless something was wrong! Talk to us, Harry," Hermione said, trying not to yell.

"There's nothing to talk about, nothing's wrong," Harry said coldly.

"I want you to change back to the way that you were before," Hermione said, more like demanded.

"No," Harry snapped defiantly. "I'm tired of doing what everyone else wants me to do, now I'm doing what I wanna do."

"Well, I think it would be better if you did, you've never wanted to be like you are now!" Hermione snapped back.

"How the fuck do you know what I've wanted before? Maybe I've wanted it all along, maybe I'm sick of being Dumbledore's little _pet_, maybe I just wanna be me," Harry shouted.

"But Harry, who you were before was you, right now you're some completely different person," Ron said, finally saying something about the whole ordeal.

"No, this is what I've wanted all along, and there's nothing you can do about it! If you want me to change back to the way that I was before, then you were never my friend to begin with! Friends would support someone if they wanted to change their appearance, not tell them to change back to the way that they were before because they never wanted to be like that in the first place!" Harry shouted.

"Harry-"

"No, Ron. Just because I've changed my appearance doesn't mean that the rest of me has changed," Harry lied; he had changed, a lot. "Just because I don't look like the _perfect_ little Gryffindor _Golden Boy_ that I'm supposed to, you want me to change back! Because I don't look like I did before the summer you want me back so that you can still be seen with _perfect Harry Potter_! Well, if you're not going to support me and agree with what I've done, then you both can fuck off,"

Harry stood up and walked out of the compartment, he stormed along the isle of the train, looking for an empty compartment. After a few minutes of walking, he finally found one, near the front of the train. He slid open the door, went in and slid it closed. He sat right next to the window and stared out of it for a few minutes before he sighed in frustration and waved his hand. Instantly, all of his things, that were in the compartment with Ron and Hermione, appeared in front of him.

* * *

Ron and Hermione sat in their compartment, stunned at their friend's behavior; they had never seen Harry act like that. After they got over the initial shock, the two Gryffindor's sat in silence for a moment.

"What do you think is wrong with him?" Ron asked, breaking the silence.

"I dunno," Hermione said.

"Something's changed, he's completely different, and I don't just mean his looks. His personality's changed, too, even though he's denying that." Ron said.

"I know, first he runs away from the Dursley's, then he freaks out on us because we want him to change back to the way that he used to be, there's nothing wrong with the way that he used to be," Hermione agreed.

"Yea, he's keeping something from us, I know it. He would never talk to us like that or get mad at us unless something was seriously wrong. I just know something is wrong with him," Ron stated, sounding a little worried.

"Yea, but what?" Hermione asked.

"I dunno, but I know that it has to be something important if he's changing because of it," Ron answered.

"I know, but what if what he said about always wanting to be like he is now, is true? What if he really did want to change? We've been too busy worrying about other things to listen to what Harry had to say." Hermione said, feeling guilty that they had ignored what their friend wanted.

"I don't think that it is, I think that it's just a phase and it's his way of dealing with the lost of Sirius," Ron explained his opinion.

"I just don't know anymore, you know that Ron?" Hermione asked.

"Yea," Ron said. "I think we should go and talk to him, try and talk some sense into him."

"Yea, but what if he gets angry again?" Hermione asked, sounding a little worried, she didn't want to see Harry when he was angry.

"Then, we'll try and calm him down," Ron said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Hermione didn't say anything, she just sighed as she stood up. Ron, knowing what she was doing, stood up, too, and followed her out of the compartment. After looking in all the compartments they finally found Harry sitting alone near the front of the train. Hermione slid open the door and walked in, Ron following behind her and shutting it.

"What the fuck do you two want?" Harry asked, still angry with the two.

"We just wanna talk Harry," Ron said calmly as he sat down, Hermione doing the same.

"I think we've done enough talking for one day," Harry said, still looking out the window.

"Please, Harry, just hear us out," Hermione pleaded.

"You've got five minutes," Harry said, still not looking at them.

"Thank you," Hermione said.

"We think that we know that this is all about," Ron started.

"What what's all about," Harry asked, finally looking at the two people sitting in the compartment with them.

"Your new look and stuff," Hermione continued what Ron had started. "We think that this is just your way of dealing with Sirius's death."

"That your acting like this, like nothing ever happened, because you don't want to believe that he's really gone," Ron said.

"You don't know what the fuck your talking about, this isn't just some act that I'm putting on, this is the really me, and if you don't like it, then you can fuck right off," Harry snapped.

"Harry," Hermione said softly. "It isn't you talking, you would never talk like that."

"Yea, I would, you just don't want to believe it, because you don't like change, Hermione," Harry started to raise his voice. "Well, guess what, things change, so deal with it!"

"Harry, we know that you blame yourself for Sirius's death, but it's not your fault," Ron said.

"Yea, so what, I blame myself for his death, because it _is_ my fault," Harry snapped. "If I hadn't believed that stupid dream that Voldemort had sent me, and tried to rush of to save him then he wouldn't have died. He wouldn't have died trying to save me! If I hadn't been such a fucking idiot then he would still be alive, but he's not because of me and my fucking stupidity! If I hadn't tried to be the hero all of the fucking time then he would still be alive, and if I hadn't been so noble then so would Cedric!"

"Harry, we know what you're going through," Hermione said softly.

"You don't have a fucking clue what I'm going through! You want me to change back to the way that I was before Sirius died, but I'm not going to do something just because you want me to! I think that it's you two that need to fucking change! Quit trying to make me be the way that you want to be! I'm sick of always being that way that everyone wants me to be! How the fuck would you like it if everyone wanted you to be a certain way? Would you like it? NO!

"And before you tell me that you know what the fuck I'm going through, don't! You have NO idea what the fuck I've gone through! You never will either! I'm sick of hearing that everyone knows what I'm going through! They don't! So, don't say that you understand and know what I'm going through until you have actually gone through it!

"Now, you five minutes are up. Get the fuck out before I force you out, and believe me, I will and it's gonna hurt you a lot more then it's gonna hurt me!"

Hermione looked like she was about to cry by the time that Harry had finished and Ron had a look of utter shock on his face, neither of them had ever seen Harry like this. Without saying another word Ron and Hermione stood up and left the compartment, walking back to their own.

Harry sighed, he wished that everyone would quit saying that they knew what he was going through, he wished that everyone would just leave him alone. At first all Harry ever wanted was for someone to love him, but now all he wanted was for everyone to leave him be, let him do his own thing, to bad that would ever happen. As long as he was the Savior of the Wizarding World, he would never be left alone.

Sometimes, Harry had even considered letting Voldemort kill him, that way he would have to deal with everything that would happen after he defeated Voldemort. There was always another option, though, he could always kill himself, but then it would look like he was taking the coward's way out, instead of facing things head on like he usually did. If he died at the hands of Voldemort, he could make it look like an accident and like he wasn't ready to fight him yet. If Harry died at his own hands, though, he would probably go down in history, even more, for being too cowardly to face Voldemort.

Harry smirked as he thought of what would happen if he died and Voldemort took over, the terror he would cause, all the people that would die and be tortured at the hands of Voldemort. Then, a though crossed Harry's mind, what if he joined Voldemort. He and Voldemort could destroy the entire world if they wanted to, that was if Voldemort didn't kill him first. Either way, if Harry ever did join forces with Voldemort the world would be in complete chaos.

Harry chuckled at the thought, as much as it would be humorous to join Voldemort, he never would. He would rather die then do that, _'But, of course, either way, I wanna die,'_ Harry added as an after thought.

Harry was interrupted from his thoughts be a knock on the compartment door, he wondered if it was Ron and Hermione again because if it was then he wouldn't hold back his temper. If it wasn't them, then he would tell to go away, and not in a polite way.

"What," Harry said. The door to the compartment slid open to reveal Malfoy standing there.

"Do you always yell at your friend like that?" He asked coldly.

"What fucking business is it of yours?" Harry said, equally as cold.

"Well, I could heard you and I was about five compartments way," Malfoy said.

"Yea? And I give a fuck because why?" Harry asked still in a cold voice. "If that's all you have to say, Malfoy, then fuck off and leave me hell alone, or I swear to fucking god I'll hex you into next month."

The look in Harry's eyes told Malfoy that he wasn't joking and that he would, literally, do it. So, not saying another word, Malfoy closed the compartment door and walked away, which was something that he had never done before because Malfoy's don't walk away.

Harry sat in silence staring out the window as the scenery passed in a blurry of colours. After a few minutes, there was another knock on the compartment door.

"What," Harry snapped. The door slid open and Remus Lupin stepped into the compartment, closing the door behind him.

"Ron and Hermione just told me what you said," Remus said as he sat down next to Harry.

"Right, not to be rude or anything, but, what the fuck are you doing here?" Harry asked.

"That's no way to talk to your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, now is it?" Remus said, a smile on his face.

"Congrats," Harry said.

"You don't seem to enthusiastic about me teaching again," Remus stated.

"Whatever, just because you're teaching again doesn't mean that I have to get all happy and jump for joy, you know," Harry said, looking out the window.

"Yea, but anyways, Ron and Hermione told me what you said," Remus said, changing the subject.

"What did they tell you?" Harry asked, looking at Remus.

"Well, they told me about the argument the three of you had, and how you blame yourself for Sirius's death," Remus said.

"Whatever, did they tell you that they want me to change back to the way I was before? Did they tell you that they _think_ that I'm dressing and acting the way I am because it's my way of dealing with Sirius's death?" Harry asked, some anger evident in his voice.

"No, they didn't," Remus said, a little shock that Ron and Hermione left out those details.

"Well, that's because they're little fucking liars and they want it to look like I'm grieving over Sirius, which I'm not," Harry lied, he still was grieving over Sirius's death, but he would never tell anyone that.

"Harry, I know that you think that Sirius's death was your fault, but it wasn't," Remus started.

"What the fuck do you know?" Harry said rudely.

"Harry let me finish before you start yelling at me," Remus said calmly. "Sirius's death wasn't your fault, it was Voldemort's. If he hadn't sent to you that dream and tricked you into believing that Sirius was in danger, then none of this would have happened."

"Yea, but it _was_ my fault because I was stupid enough to believe that Sirius was in danger, when I should have used my logic, why would Sirius leave the house? If I hadn't rushed off to save him, he wouldn't have come to try and _save_ _me_. If I hadn't been so stupid, then Sirius would still be here," Harry said, his voice cracked when he had said the last sentence.

'_NO!_' His mind screamed. '_I wont cry! Especially in front of Remus!_'

"Harry-"

"No, don't try and tell me that it wasn't my fault, because it was," Harry said, he tried hard not to show any emotions.

"I wasn't going to, I was going to tell you that the night he died, Sirius had argued with everyone in the Order so that he could go and help you, Dumbledore didn't object, saying that Sirius needed to get out of the house. After I told Sirius that I didn't want him to go, you know what he told me?" Harry shook his head. "He told me that he didn't care what I said, that he was going because he loved you with all his heart and you were like the son that he never had."

Harry was just about to speak when the compartment door slid open; Harry quickly rid his face of all emotions,

something he had learned to do over the years. The person that had opened the door was a blonde girl that Harry didn't recognize.

"Oh, hello, Professor," she said.

"Hello, Melaura," Remus said kindly.

"I'm just going around notifying everyone that we'll be arriving at the Hogsmeade station in about fifteen minutes," Melaura said.

"Ok, thank you," Remus said with a smile.

"No problem. Later you two," Melaura smiled as she left the compartment, closing the door behind her, and moved on to the next one.

"Well, Harry I'd better go, I'll see you later," Remus said as he stood up and left the compartment.

After a moment, Harry stood up and went to his trunk and searched through it until he found his school robes, he didn't bother changing into the rest of the uniform, classes didn't start until tomorrow. He put this school robes on and sat back down, he stared out the window as he began to think.

Harry wasn't sure whether to believe if what Remus had said was true or not. Remus could have just said that to make him feel better about Sirius's death, he could have made it all up in an attempt to make Harry stop blaming himself for Sirius's death. Although, Remus could be telling the truth and he hadn't made it up to make Harry feel better about Sirius's death and to make him stop blaming himself for it.

When Remus said that Sirius loved him and thought of him as the son he never had, it took all Harry had not cry in pure happiness. Nobody had ever told Harry that they loved him before, and hearing that Sirius had said that made him feel happy and hurt at the same time.

He was happy to know that someone loved him, but it hurt because, Harry loved him like a father. A father he never had. To him, Sirius was his father, he talked to Sirius about everything, he looked up to Sirius, but now, he had nobody to look up to, and nobody who loved him or ever would.

Harry began to ponder what Remus had said before he mentioned what Sirius said. Everyone in the Order was against Sirius leaving. If what Remus had said was true, though, and Dumbledore didn't object to Sirius leaving the house. Harry's thoughts were interrupted when the train came to a screeching halt at the station in Hogsmeade.

Harry stood up and left the compartment. He had managed to get off the train before it became really crowded. Harry was totally engrossed by his thoughts again. '_If Dumbledore had let Sirius go, then,_' Harry's thoughts were interrupted when he walked into something and stumbled backwards a few steps.

"Sorry," Harry said, looking at the ground as he continued walking.

"You feeling alright, Potter?" the boy that Harry walked into asked, which caused Harry to stop and look at him.

"Fine, Malfoy, why?" Harry said.

"Well, you walked into me and _apologized_," Malfoy said.

"Oh, sorry," Harry said quietly. He turned around and walked over to one of the 'horseless' carriages, opened the door and climbed in; there was nobody else in there. Becoming engrossed in his thoughts once more, Harry realized something. '_If Dumbledore had let Sirius go to the Department of Mysteries, then, it was Dumbledore's fault that Sirius had died,_' Harry thought, his hatred for Dumbledore grew to a whole different level.

It was Dumbledore's fault that Sirius had died, Dumbledore had been stupid enough to let him go, or had he? Maybe Dumbledore let Sirius go because it was part of some plan to control Harry further. Maybe Dumbledore _knew_ that Sirius would die, so he used that as an advantage to make Harry believe that if he didn't stop Voldemort that everyone he knew and loved would die.

If that was Dumbledore's plan, then he had sunk to an all time low and Harry wasn't about to play into his little trap, but he would at like he didn't know about it, and do what Dumbledore told him to so that he didn't raise suspicion with the old man, whom he hated from having such a manipulative plan. If Dumbledore had no idea that Sirius would die if he left the house, then Harry hated him for being so stupid because he knew that Voldemort would be there along with other Death Eaters and they would obviously try and kill Sirius.

Harry believed that the former was true because Dumbledore seemed to know everything that went on and what would happen before it actually happened. It wasn't an accident that Sirius had died, it was intentional; the Headmaster had purposely let him go. Harry decided that he would play along with the old man's game for a while and act like he was fine. He would do what Dumbledore asked him to, but if Dumbledore asked him to do something that was completely against he would refuse. To Harry, it seemed like the perfect plan against Dumbledore's manipulative ways.

Harry was brought back from his thoughts when the carriage started to move; there was still nobody else in it with him, which was fine. Harry stared out the window and watched as scenery past and Hogwarts came into view. After a moment the carriage came to a stop in front of the school. Harry stepped out of the carriage and walked into the school with the rest of the student body. Harry was just about to step into the Great Hall when somebody called him.

"Mister Potter."

* * *

Wow! I had that done a few days ago…but I decided to change it…a lot…lol its still got the main idea as what I had before but some parts are little different, some parts stayed the same and some parts changed a lot…lol. Anywayz… I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.

Oh and before I thank my wonderful reviewers I decided that I wanted to put my age in my profile, but before I do I wanna see how old you guys think I am. Just tell me how old you think I am when you submit your review…lol…

Now, I'd like to thank my WONDERFUL reviewers:

**FroBoy:** I'm glad you liked the chapter. I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.

**ConstansCuriositas:** It makes me so happy to hear that you like my story a lot. And I'm happy to hear that you like Harry's new look.

**Hittocerebattosai:** I'm glad you're ecstatic about my story…lol.

**Le Diablo Blanc2**: I'm so happy that you love my story! I know that the cutting and smoking came as a surprise…but what can you expect from someone who cuts and smokes herself? Lol. Yea I wanted to give Harry a tattoo but I figured that I would wait until Christmas or something. I'm glad that you loved the involvement with Draco, but I hate to break it to you, it's a Harry and Draco slash…of course there will be other pairings the will prove to be interesting to write about. Yup, Harry will be making new friends with people that aren't from his house and obviously they're going to help out the Light Side and stand beside Harry all the way. Lol.

**Jujube15:** I glad you can't wait to see Hogwarts reaction, but that's going to have to wait for the next chapter. lol.

**Cornflake:** (Chapter 1) Thanks for pointing that out to me. I totally forgot…lol.

**MidnightsRose**: Now you know how Ron and Hermione reacted, its time to see how Dumbledore and the rest of the school will. Lol.

**WrittenWords**: (Chapter 1) I'm soo glad that you love it and think that it's a good story, it means a lot to me to hear that. (Chapter 3) Awww sorry that it almost made you cry I didn't mean for it to be that sad.

**Hiero Kaze:** I'm glad to hear that you think it's interesting.

Anyways, please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter. Just a little note, your gonna find out how Dumbledore and everyone else reacts to Harry's new look. Don't forget to mention how old you think I am…lol.

Until next chapter, Bye-bye.

-Wykked As Syn


	5. Arguements and Nightmares

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (Rape, not very graphic)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Arguments and Nightmares**

"Mister Potter," someone called. Harry turned around to see Dumbledore walking up to him.

Harry's mind was racing, _'Oh shit, what the fuck does that manipulative asshole want?'_ Harry thought angrily, but his expression remained neutral, his eyes held no emotions.

"Yes, sir," Harry said calmly.

"Please, follow me to my office," Dumbledore said, the annoying little twinkle in his eyes gone, which Harry was grateful for. Now that the twinkle in the old mans eyes was gone, though, Harry knew that he was going to be in trouble. Harry followed Dumbledore to his office, Dumbledore gave the password (Blood Lollipop) and they entered the old man's office.

"Harry, please, sit," Dumbledore said as he went and took a seat in the chair behind his desk. Harry did as he was told and sat down in front of Dumbledore.

"Did I do something wrong, sir?" Harry asked, playing innocent.

"In a manner of speaking, yes," Dumbledore said as he placed his elbows on the desk and leaned forward slightly.

"What did I do?" Harry asked, trying to keep the smirk that wanted so badly to form off his face.

"Harry, what have you done to yourself?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

"What do you mean, sir?" Harry asked, still acting innocent, he knew what was coming. Dumbledore was going to tell him to change back to the way that he was before the summer.

"You know what I mean, Harry. Your hair, the piercings, the clothes. Why have you done that to yourself?" Dumbledore asked, trying to keep the impatience out of his voice.

"Because I wanted to," Harry answered simply.

"No, you haven't wanted to before, so why all of a sudden?" Dumbledore questioned.

"Actually, I've always wanted this, just everyone was to busy to hear what I had to say," Harry said coldly.

"We've always listened to you, Harry," Dumbledore said. It took all Harry's self-control not to snort and say 'Yea, right.'

"Look-" Harry started but Dumbledore cut him off.

"Harry, if this is your way of dealing with Sirius's premature demise then, I want you to find some other way to deal with it,"

"This _isn't_ my way of dealing with Sirius's death, I've dealt with it already," Harry said, trying hard not to snapped at the old man before him.

"Then, what is it?" Dumbledore asked.

"This is who I want to be, this is me, and there's nothing you can say or do that will make me change who I am," Harry said.

"No, Harry, this isn't you. I think that your subconscious mind is telling you to do this because it is, in fact, your way of dealing this Sirius's death," Dumbledore said.

"You're wrong, this is me and if you don't like it then too bad," Harry said.

"Harry, I want you to take out all of your piercings and change back into your regular clothes, if you still have your piercings in come tomorrow then you will serve detention until you finally remove them," Dumbledore said sternly.

"I beg to differ with you, sir. I refuse to remove them, and you cant give me a detention just for having a few piercings, I've seen student with just as many piercings as me, if not more, and you've never done anything about it, so why now? Because I'm your little _Golden Boy_? Well, guess again, I'm not," Harry said as he stood up and left Dumbledore's office, leaving the man to ponder what he had just said.

'_Great,'_ Harry thought, _'I'm going to have to apologize tomorrow and say that I was in a bad mood. NO! Remember, no apologizes no regrets. Yea, but, the crazy old man might get suspicious, and meddle in my life even more. Fine, but this is the _only_ time that you'll apologize to anyone.'_

Harry walked all the way to the Great Hall arguing with himself some more whether he should apologize to the old man or not. By the time that he reached the doors to the Great Hall he came to a final decision that he wouldn't change, no matter what, he would apologize.

Harry opened the doors to the Great Hall and all head turned to look at him. People didn't recognize him but when a few people spook everyone started talking, Harry sensed, about his new look. Harry was walking over to the Gryffindor table when someone called out to him.

"Always have to make a dramatic entrance by being late, don't you, Potter?" Malfoy asked.

"Fuck off, Malfoy," Harry snapped.

"A weeks detention for vulgar language, Mister Potter," Snape said walking up to Harry.

"Screw off, Snape, I'm not in the mood for any of your bullshit right now," Harry snapped, most of the people within earshot stopped what they were doing to listen to what was going on between Snape and Harry.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor," Snape growled.

"You know, _Severus_, it seems like you're _always_ taking points from Gryffindor but I've never seen you take points from any other house. Tell me, _Snape_, do you _like_ to pick on us little Gryffindor's? I've noticed that you seem to give _me_ the most detentions and always take the most points from _me_. Just because you hated my father, doesn't mean you need to take it out on me, I've never done anything wrong to you, aside from being _born_. The only time I get rude with you is when you're an asshole to me. So, fuck off and leave me alone for once in your _pathetic, fucked up_ life," Harry was almost yelling by the time that he finished. Everyone in the Great Hall had stopped what he or she was doing to watch.

"Another fifty points from Gryffindor for talking to me in such a manner. And a months worth of detentions, every night, starting tomorrow," Snape growled lividly.

"And if I refuse to show up?" Harry asked, smirking.

"Then…then…ten points from Gryffindor for talking back!" Snape snapped.

"Whatever, I'm still not showing up," Harry said.

"You will, or else,' Snape threatened.

"Isn't it against the _rules_ to threaten a student?" Harry asked calmly.

"It's not a threat, it's a promise," Snape growled.

"So, you're_ promising _to do something that would hurt me? Isn't _that_ against the rules too?" Harry asked.

"Another ten points from Gryffindor for twisting around my words," Snape said.

"See, what did I tell you, your abusing your powers to take points, just because I said something that was true," Harry smirked.

"You're just like your useless father, Potter," Snape growled.

"Yes, well, I'd rather be like my useless father then be like_ you_. At least I _wash _my hair and I'm _nice_ to people, unlike _you_. So really if you get down to it, you're the useless one, _Severus_," Harry smirked, enjoying watching Snape struggle for things to say.

"Fifty points for insulting a teacher," Snape growled venomously.

"Afraid you can't do that," Harry said, still smirking.

"Oh, and why not, Potter?" Snape asked.

"Because we don't have fifty points that you can take away, we've only got thirty left," Harry said simply.

"Fine then, thirty points from Gryffindor," Snape said, smirking because Gryffindor had no points left.

"See, your abusing your power," Harry said, smirk gone.

"Shut the fuck up, Potter, I don't need to listen to your little arrogant mouth, I had enough of your fathers," Snape growled the first part in a whisper so that only Harry could hear him.

"Well, my _mouth_ wouldn't _be_ arrogant if you were _nice_ to me, but wait. I forgot, it's _impossible_ for you to be _nice_," Harry said in fake cheeriness.

"Two months worth of detention everyone night starting tomorrow," Snape said as he turned around and walked away.

"I never thought I'd see the day, when Severus Snape_ walked away_, it's _amazing_," Harry called to Snape's retreating form.

"Three months, Potter," Snape called as he walked out of the Great Hall.

"I'm not showing up," Harry shouted as he turned around to walk over to the Gryffindor table, then he noticed that everyone in the Great Hall was looking at him.

"What are you all staring at?" Harry snapped as he grabbed a piece of bread and walked out of the Great Hall.

Harry needed a cigarette and bad, he headed to the only place he could think of at the moment, the Astronomy Tower. Harry made his way where without running into anybody or any ghosts. When he finally arrived there, he walked over to the window and sat the ledge; there was no window. Harry pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and took one out of the pack and lit it. He took a long drag and started to think.

Why did he do that, talk to Snape the way that he did? He didn't regret it or anything and he wasn't sorry he it did, but he wondered why did. At first he was just angry because he wanted a cigarette, then he started to take some sick pleasure in watching the teacher struggle for things to say. It had landed him in three months worth on detention every night and caused Gryffindor to lose all it points, he didn't care, it didn't matter to him whether he had lost all of Gryffindor's point. He wasn't going to his detentions, either.

Of course, Snape deserved to be talked to like that, he was always such an asshole, especially to Harry. All Harry did, really, was put him in his place. It wasn't his fault if the teacher was to stupid to comprehend that Harry wasn't his father and shouldn't be treated like he was. Sure, he was his father's _son_, but there was a difference.

Harry took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowed before he sighed. He wished that people would see that he was more then the Boy-Who-Lived, that he was just like everyone else, an average sixteen-year-old boy. He wanted to be treated like one too; the only difference between Harry and then _average_ sixteen-year-old boy was that Harry had the weight of the Wizarding World resting on his shoulders because he was the Saviour of the Wizarding World, after all.

With that weight, though, people expected Harry to dress, act and think a certain way, which Harry hated. He just wanted to think for himself, act the way that he wanted to act and dress the way that he liked. All his life Harry was forced to be someone he's not.

At the Dursley's he was forced to be their _slave_, basically, and act like he didn't exist. The when he found out that he was the Boy-Who-Live, the Saviour of the Wizarding World, he had to act like he cared, he had at first, but then he stopped. He started to become fed up with being the way that people wanted him to be when all he ever wanted in life was to just _be himself_. He knew that that would never happen, though, so that led him to become who he is today, an almost heartless shit who doesn't care about anyone other then himself, a boy the had no apologizes and no regrets, a boy that didn't care about the consciences of anything anymore, a confused boy in a big lonely world.

Sure, he would never act like he was lonely, or show his emotions anymore, but just because he didn't show what he was feeling didn't mean that he didn't feel something. Harry always acted like everything was fine, just so the suspicion didn't raise and people didn't try to meddle in his life, like Dumbledore always did. Dumbledore, Harry hated him almost as much as he hated Voldemort, the old man was always interfering in his life, always making him do things he didn't want to do, and treated him like some kind of trophy pet. Harry was fed up with Dumbledore and his manipulative ways; in Harry's opinion Dumbledore was just as manipulative as Voldemort was, if not more.

Harry sighed as he threw down his cigarette and watched the red dot fall until he couldn't see it anymore, then he took out another one from his pack and lit it, seeing as he had let the last one burn out because he was too busy thinking. He took a long drag and sighed; he wished someone in the world knew what he was going through.

Someone who was treated like he was growing up, someone who knew what he was always feeling, someone who he could talk to about everything and they would understand because they went and were going through it as well. He didn't expect anyone to know how he felt or what he was going through when it came to Voldemort and having to save the Wizarding World. With that, it was either kill or be killed.

Everyone was expecting him to defeat Voldemort once and for all, if he didn't do anything about Voldemort eventually people would shun him and if he did defeat Voldemort people would stop wanting to be near him because he was a killer and they would shun him for killing another human, though Voldemort was far from being human, in Harry's mind. Either way, after the whole ordeal with Voldemort was over, or if it ever were, Harry would be shunned, either for not defeating Voldemort or for killing him.

Harry sighed as he took another long drag of his cigarette; he knew that everyone was going to be frantic because nobody had seen him since dinner. Ron and Hermione would probably freak out on him when he returned to the Gryffindor common room, but he didn't care.

Harry quickly finished his cigarette and headed back to the Gryffindor Tower. He cursed himself when he arrived at the portrait and realized that he didn't know the password. He had nobody to blame but himself, if he hadn't taken off and instead stayed in the Great Hall, he wouldn't be in this situation.

"Harry," someone called, Harry turned around to see Ginny running towards him

"Hey," Harry said, plastering a fake cheerful smile and his face.

"What are you doing out here?" Ginny asked as she stopped in front of him.

"I just got back from…where I was when I left Great Hall," Harry said, almost telling Ginny where he had went.

"Oh, so you don't know the password?" Ginny asked.

"No," said Harry.

"Oh, well, it's Bleeding Heart," Ginny said as she walked up to the Fat Lady's portrait and said the password the same time she told Harry. Harry followed Ginny through the portrait and into the Gryffindor common room and was bombarded with questions by Ron and Hermione, mostly Hermione, though.

"Where have you been? We've been so worry about you, Harry! We thought that something had happened to you!" Hermione exclaimed.

Harry completely ignored her and kept walking, heading for the boy's dormitory. When he arrived, there was nobody in there, which he was thankful for, he would have and peace and tranquility. Even though he had already had some, he always wanted to be left alone. Harry walked over to his bed and sat down, taking off his shoes and walking over to his trunk. He grabbed his pajamas and razorblade; he put his razorblade underneath his pillow for later and quickly changed into his pajamas.

When he was finished changing he lied down on his bed and went to close the curtains around it when the door opened, Ron walked in, followed closely by Hermione. When the two were in the room, Hermione shut the door and cast a silencing and locking charm on the door. Harry sighed; he really didn't want to deal with his so-called _friends_ tonight.

"Harry, where have you been? We've been so worried about you, we thought something awful had happened to you," Hermione said.

"Yea, I know, told me," Harry said coldly.

"Where have you been?" Ron asked as he walked over to his own bed and sat down.

"What's it to you?" Harry tried his best not to snap, he wanted to be left alone.

"We though something awful had happened to you," Hermione said worriedly.

"Yea, well, nothing happened, so you can be on your merry little way," asked Harry.

"Harry, what's wrong, talk to us," Hermione said softly.

"Nothing's wrong, now would you just leave me the fuck alone," Harry said harshly.

"Harry," said Hermione, softly. "Please, just tell us what's bothering you, we want to help."

"There's nothing bothering me, if there was, you know I'd talk to you," Harry lied. There _was_ something bothering Harry, but he wouldn't talk to _anyone_ about it, he refused, and even _if_ he decided to talk to someone, it _definitely_ would not be Ron or Hermione, they would blow things right out of preposition.

"Ok, but promise that you'll talk to us if there's something wrong," Hermione said.

"Yes, okay, now would get you out and leave me the fuck alone!" Harry shouted, his patients running thin, he just wanted to bed left alone, couldn't anyone understand that, obviously _not_.

"Okay, well, night Harry, night Ron," Hermione said as he took down the locking and silencing charms and left the dormitory.

Harry sighed, he closed the curtains around his bed and spelled them shut and put up a silencing charm, he didn't want anyone else to bother him. He was tired and wanted to sleep, obviously, God had other plans for him.

"Harry," Ron said.

"What?" Harry snapped viciously as his waved his and the curtains unlocked and flew open.

"Um…" said Ron, looking nervous, he had never seen Harry in such a mood before. "Don't get mad at me or freak out or anything, but I have to agree with Hermione, something's wrong, Harry, and you're not telling us what it is. What happened to before when you used to tell us everything? What happened to the nice, calm, gentle Harry that I used to know? You've changed Harry, and not for the better, either."

"First, I never you to tell you guys _everything_. Second, the nice, calm, gentle Harry that you used to know is still here, just with a _way_ bigger attitude. I'm sick and tired of always listening to people berate me and treat me like I'm some trophy. I'm still the same Harry that you used to know, only now, I don't take shit from anyone, and that includes you and Hermione. If someone pisses me off or does something to me, I'm not gonna sit there and take it anymore, I'm gonna dish it right back out. Like the old saying goes: 'Don't dish it, if you can't take it.' I can dish it out because I can take it, it's as simply as that, Ronald. Now, if you'll _fuck off_, I wanna get some sleep."

After Harry said that, he closed the curtains around his bed and spelled them locked and put up a silencing charm, again. The next person that bothered him was going to have to deal with one very pissed of Harry Potter, and he wouldn't hold back, he didn't care who it was. People were incapable of grasping the fact that Harry just wanted to be left alone, no matter how many times Harry told them, he doubted that their incompetent minds could decipher what 'fuck off' meant.

Harry sighed; he rolled over onto his back and stared up at the material that went over top of his bed, though he couldn't see it. Harry yawned widely before he drifted off into a restless sleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------DREAM----------------------------------------------------------------------

_A four-year-old Harry trembled as he sat in the fetal position in the corner, Vernon was angry with him, again. Though, Vernon was always angry with Harry, so Harry hadn't a clue what he had done wrong this time. Little Harry had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying out when Vernon's foot connected with his side. Even though he was only five, Harry was smarter then most children his age, he knew that if he did something like cry or scream in pain when Vernon was hitting him or yelling at him that things would become worse for Harry, he had learned that the hard way._

_"You greedy little pig!" Vernon roared. "Are you trying to make Dudley starve to death? Just because you're hungry doesn't mean that you need to make other people starve so that you aren't! You're pathetic and disgusting, you're a fucking freak!" Vernon's foot connected with Harry's side again._

_"I-I-I'm so-sorry, U-Uncle Ver-Vernon," Harry managed to choke out, while he tried to stop himself from crying. "Please, d-don't h-hit me, pl-please."_

_"You deserve to be hit and punished after what you just did, you filthy little pig! You deserve to be punished for everything that you do wrong, and you know it! I know you like it when I hit you, why else would you just sit there and take it? You know that you deserve what you get, you know that you deserve to be dead for ruining my life, you know that you deserve to be punished!" Vernon shouted as he kicked Harry once more in the side, before he picked Harry up but the collar of his shirt and threw him into the cupboard underneath the stairs._

_When little Harry heard the 'click' he knew that Vernon had locked him in and that he would be in there for a long time. Harry lied down on his bed and quietly cried himself to sleep, while thinking that Vernon was right, he deserved to be punished, at least that was what his young five-year-old mind told him._

_-_

_A seven-year-old Harry stood in the middle of the living room, visibly shaking, shards of glass lay scattered around him. Vernon had come downstairs as fast as he could when he heard the sound of something glass break. Dudley was standing in the doorframe with a smug look on his face. When Vernon had asked Dudley what had happened, Dudley said that Harry got angry and smashed the expensive vase, and Vernon believed him._

_Harry knew better then to say that Dudley was lying because he would get into more trouble for accusing Dudley of doing something so awful, he had learned that the hard way, too. Harry visibly flinched when he saw Vernon move._

_"What did you do, boy?" Vernon growled._

_"I didn't do anything," Harry said, he felt light-headed; he knew what was going to happen._

_"Don't lie to me, you piece of fucking shit!" Vernon snapped._

_"I'm not," Harry said; he felt like he would pass out at any given second._

_"Clean it up, NOW!" Vernon shouted._

_Harry got down on his hands and knees and started to pick up the shards of glass that were scattered around the living room, he was shaking, he knew that Vernon was going to do something, he just didn't know what. Harry soon found out what Vernon was going to do when he felt a sharp pain an inch or so above his temple. Harry knew better then to feel if it was bleeding or anything because Vernon would take a sick sadistic pleasure and cause Harry more bodily harm, just a few more hits at the most._

_Harry continued to pick up the glass on the floor, but he started to panic when he saw red drops fall into his hand. Harry knew better then to cry for it would just make things worse from himself. Harry quickly picked up the glass, trying not to pass out at the sight of so much blood on himself, knowing that if he got any of his blood on the floor that he would have to pay the price._

_Harry stood up and quickly put the glass into the garbage before he ran upstairs into the bathroom. The first thing that he did when he got there was throw up, the blood dripping from his head and into the toilet didn't help settle is stomach._

_-_

_A fourteen-year-old Harry sat curled up in a ball on his bed as he tried hard not to cry; Vernon had just entered the room, his face was red with anger. He stormed over to where Harry was sitting and slapped him across the back of his head, hard._

_"You listen here, boy, and you listen good," Vernon growled. "You're a useless piece of shit, you're pathetic, you're unworthy of living! You should die, just like you're freak parents!"_

_At this point, Vernon had moved and put his hands around the young boy's neck. Harry tried to scream but he couldn't, Vernon's hands were wrapped to tightly around his neck and he couldn't breath. Vernon squeezed Harry's neck before he let go, Harry coughed as he tried to fill his lungs with oxygen. Harry inched over into the corner, trying to get as far away from Vernon as he possibly could. Before Harry had a chance to react, Vernon had picked him up by the collar of his shirt._

_"I hope you fucking rot in hell, you're worthless, you're lower then dirt!" Vernon spat as he brought up his fist and punched Harry in the eye. Harry's glasses shattered, leaving cuts around his eye, and making a long deep gash down the side of his face, the blood flowed freely down his face. "I fucking hate you, I shouldn't have ever taken you in!"_

_After Vernon said that, he raised his fist and punched Harry in the stomach, hard, causing him to cough up blood all over Vernon. Vernon made a disgusted face as he dropped Harry on the floor before kicking him on the back of his head._

_"You disgusting little asshole!" Vernon roared as he kicked Harry in the stomach, causing the small boy to cough up more blood._

_Vernon picked Harry up by the collar of his shirt, again, and threw him on the bed. Harry was shaking violently as he curled up into a ball. Vernon kneeled on the bed and put his hands on Harry's hips, then he pulled down Harry's pajama bottoms in one swift movement. Tears started to flow down Harry's cheeks, burning his cuts, as he watched Vernon take off his own pants._

_Vernon moved and flipped Harry into his stomach before he sat on the boy's legs. Harry's body shook with sobs as Vernon entered one finger into him. Soon, he added one more, then one more. Next, Vernon scissored his fingers, making Harry's entrance bigger. When Vernon was done, he withdrew his fingers from Harry, who was crying uncontrollably, and positioned himself over Harry._

_"No…no…please, don't," Harry cried._

_"Shut the fuck up you worthless piece of shit!" Vernon growled as he leaned forward and punched Harry in the back of the head, causing him to cry harder._

_Harry screamed when Vernon entered him raw, no lubricant or anything. Vernon began pumping in and out of Harry, slowly. He began to quicken his pace when he was about to cum; he grabbed Harry's cock and started pumping it in time with his trusts. Not to long after Vernon quickened his pace, he came inside of Harry._

_When Vernon recovered a little he withdrew himself from Harry, got off the bed, put his pants back on and left the room. Harry lay on his bed, crying._

----------------------------------------------------------------END OF DREAM----------------------------------------------------------------

Harry woke up in cold sweat, he had wanted to forget what he just dreamed, but he couldn't. He wanted to believe that that had never happened, but it had. Harry sighed; he took down the silencing and locking charm on his bed, and reached under his pillow to grab his razorblade. He opened the curtains around his bed, stood up and went to his trunk. He searched through it until he found what he was looking for, his Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map.

He put the cloak on and walked out of the room as quietly as he could, putting the razorblade in his pocket. He arrived at the common room and nobody was there, he looked at the clock, it read three thirty, people wouldn't start to wake until seven. Harry exited the common room and walked around, wondering where the best place to go was.

As Harry turned the corner, he heard something, quickly he said the password to the map, it revealed that Draco Malfoy was just around the corner and that everyone else in the entire school was asleep, including Filch and Mrs. Norris. Harry, knowing that he had nothing to worry about continued walking. He cleared the map and decided to go to the Astronomy Tower; he needed a cigarette, that's when he remembered that he had left them in the dormitory.

When Harry arrived at the Astronomy Tower, he waved his hand and his pack of cigarettes and light appeared in his other hand. He took of his Invisibility Cloak and set it down on the ground and walked over to the window ledge and sat down. He set down his razorblade and took a cigarette out of the pack and lit it. He took a long drag and sighed.

He wanted to forget what his uncle had done to him, for the longest time, he had blocked it from his mind, he couldn't remember it ever happening, that's how well he had blocked it. Harry had forgotten about it until tonight when he dreamed about it, he knew that it wasn't his mind playing tricks on him because he remembered how traumatized he was the next day when he memories had come flooding back. Rape was something that someone could get over easily; it was a psychological thing that could traumatize someone so bad that they would commit suicide to escape what had happened to them.

Harry remembered the day after his uncle raped him, Vernon had told him to clean out the shed and that was when Harry found the razorblades. He remembered taking the sharpest one he could find. He had heard that people would cut themselves to release the pain of what they were going through, even though they only experienced a pain free world for a few minutes. Harry had decided to try it that night when everyone else was asleep. The first cut he ever made wasn't very deep, but he still felt better, so he had done it a few more times. Ever since that experience with the razorblade he had cut, it made him feel better about his life.

Harry took a drag of his cigarette; he wanted to forget that night. Harry sighed; he finished the last of his cigarette and threw it off the tower. He rolled up his sleeves picked up his razorblade, just as he was about to put it to his wrist, ever detail about the night he was raped came back and hit in full force, every touch, sound, sight, smell, and emotion. A wave of helplessness washed over Harry as tears started to roll down his face, 'Why did I have to dream about that? The other two were fine, but that,' Harry thought as he pressed the razorblade to his wrist and slid it across, slowly, savoring the sting and bliss.

He slid the razorblade a few more times over his wrist before he set it down and watched the blood flow freely from his wrist, dropping onto the ledge with a light, almost inaudible, splattering sound. When the blood started to slow, Harry waved his hand over the cuts, cleaning the blood from his wrist, and then he waved his hand over the length over his arm and put a glamour charm on it. He rolled up the sleeve that covered his right arm, and waved his hand over the length of his arm, putting a glamour charm on his cuts and scars.

Harry took another cigarette out of is pack and lit it, taking a long drag. He stood up and put his pack of cigarettes and lighter in his pocket, then picked up his razorblade and put that in his pocket, too, before he sat down and took another drag of his cigarette.

Just as Harry finished his cigarette and three it out the window, he heard the chime of the clock at the back of the school, signaling that it was four o'clock. Harry sighed; he stood up, put on his Invisibility Cloak and grabbed the Marauder's Map before he left the Astronomy Tower and head back to the Gryffindor common room.

* * *

Wow! That was longer than the last few chapters. I hoped you all enjoyed it. Also, if you noticed Harry didn't get in shit about leaving the Dursley's that'll be in chapter seven, because the next chapter I'll be focusing on Draco. Anywayz, please review and let me know what you think.

I'd like to thank my WONDERFUL reviewers!

**Myniepheonix:** lol…I glad that you want me to update…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**JuJube15:** lol…you're right, I never said you guys could only do one….anywayz…you were really close with the last one. Yea, you'll be seeing a lot more of Draco next chapter. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, though.

**WrittenWords:** Awww thanks for the complements, they really mean a lot to me. But I know that there wasn't much of the schools reaction this chapter, it'll be in chapter seven. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Elektra107:** I'm glad that you like Harry's new piercing, and I hope you enjoyed with chapter.

**Hittocerebattosai:** lol…I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**DarkerHeart:** I know that I kind of got boring when he became lost in thought, but I kind of goes with the story. Yea, I know that there are a few mistakes to; I noticed that when I read through it after I posted it, lol. I'll change it eventually though. If it makes you feel better about Harry having four different piercings, I've got twelve. Five on one year, four on the other, my nose, my bellybutton, and my eyebrow. And soon I'm getting my lip or tongue done. Lol…I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Shakespeares Whore:** I'm glad that you can connect with my Harry. lol…cuz I can too. I'm a cutter and I smoke and sometimes I do drugs. I'll give you I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm later chapters, Harry's going to be doing some drugs, nothing hardcore, just weed. lol…I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**FroBoy:** Thanks, I hope you enjoyed with chapter.

**Draeconin:** (Chapter 1) Yea, I do no a lot about cutting because I am a cutter, who's trying to stop. Yea, you're right, I reread the note he sent to Remus and I see where you're coming from, but also, by the time that it gets to Remus then Harry wont be at the Dursley's anymore, so. It works either way, right? (Chapter 3) Really? I didn't know that…well I had read it somewhere but I forgot…lol…thanks for refreshing my memory…lol (Chapter 4) Yea, I plan on making it a little less sad, but not for a few chapters still. Thanks for the guess, only you and one other person guessed. Just to let you no, you were super close. lol. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Itsasledgehammer:** (Chapter 1) its okay, lol. I love that song to, its one of my favourties. I'll check out the one-shot you wrote and I'll review it for you. I've never been to the US cuz I live in Canada, but I've flown over it when I went to Alberta this summer. lol. I'm glad you like me fic. (Chapter 4) lol… I'm glad to see that you like my story and want more, lol. Anywayz, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Neoshamanking212:** lol…thanks, so I guess my story is the first that you've seen with Harry like that? lol…that's cool, I've seen a few. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Just to let you all no, that I'm going to try and update every Sunday. And at the end of next chapter I'm going to reveal how old I am, so for the people that didn't guess, this is your last chance! lol…anywayz, review and let me know what you thought of this chapter! Until next chapter, BYEBYE!

-Wykked As Syn


	6. Draco's Thoughts and Crimson Relief

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters. I don't own Perfect by Simple Plan.

**Note 2** This chapter I'll be focusing more on Draco.

* * *

**Chapter 6:Draco's Thoughts and Crimson Relief**

Draco Malfoy woke up in a cold sweat; he had been having this reoccurring dream for the last week. Well, it wasn't exactly the same every night, but it was about all the times that he had had to endure his father's beatings because he had done something to displease him.

Draco sighed; he really needed a cigarette. He opened the hangings around his bed and stood up. He walked over to his desk and took a cigarette out of his pack and lit it, he looked at the clock, it read 12:16. Draco had his own privet rooms because he couldn't be bothered with the incompetent fools that he would have had to share a dormitory with, had he decided to stay there. Draco took a long drag of his cigarette as he sat down on the chair in front of his desk.

Draco sighed, he really needed to ask his godfather for a dreamless sleep potion. He couldn't keep having these dreams; they were driving him mad. It was bad enough that he had already endured his father beating him, he didn't want to keep reliving them, he just wanted to forget that they had ever happened. He took a long drag of his of his cigarette as he leaned back on his chair; the front two legs of it were off the ground.

Draco set the chair on the floor properly when he heard a pecking sound at the window. He had one of few very rooms in the dungeon with a window in it, he had specifically asked for it, it had taken him a lot of talking to finally convince the Headmaster to let him have it. Draco took a drag of his cigarette as he stood up and walked over to the window, letting the bird in. The bird was his eagle, Slayer, he had been given a few months before he went to Hogwarts. Slayer flew in and landed gracefully on Draco's desk.

"Hey, girl, what have you got for me?" Draco asked his bird as he walked back over to his desk. Slayer held out her leg and stood perfectly still while Draco untied the letter.

'_Draco,_

_I just got out of a Death Eater meeting. I was talking with the Dark Lord and he wants to see you at Christmas to give you the Dark Mark. He said that because I'm one of his most loyal supporters that you don't have to go through all the other initiations, but he also said that you could if you wanted to. I expect you to come home during the Christmas holidays, if you don't I will be very disappointed in you and I'll have to go there and bring you home by force. I know that you wouldn't want that._

_I expect you to do as I say and make me proud; I'm tired of being disappointed in you all the time. I can't even remember one time that you've ever made proud. By getting the Dark Mark, you will redeem yourself in my eyes. I've given you so many chances to make me proud, and you've always failed. This is your final chance, and if you don't, then, you will no longer by any son of mine, I will have no son, and I wont care if the Dark Lord kills you because I will no longer be burdened by your existence._

_So make me proud or face the consequences._

_Your Father.'_

Draco sighed; he took a long drag of his cigarette as he put down the letter from his father. All his life, Draco had always tried to make his father proud but it felt like no matter what he did it was never good enough for Lucius. Lucius was right, he had given Draco so many chances but he had failed ever time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------Flash Back--------------------------------------------------------------------

_A six-year-old Draco Malfoy ran down the hallway in the Malfoy Mansion toward the library on the next floor down, where he knew his father would be, with a paper clutched tightly in his little hand. He had just had the writing test that he had taken yesterday given back to him; he received an A minus on it, he wanted to show his father and make him proud._

"_Daddy! Daddy!" Draco shouted excitedly as he ran into the library and up to the leather chair next to the fire that his father was sitting in._

"_What is it, son?" Lucius asked as he put down the book that he was reading._

"_Look," Draco said, bouncing up and down as he handed the paper to his father. He had a gleeful smile on his face as he looked up at his father expecting praise for the mark he had accomplished, but the praise never came._

"_Pathetic, Draco. I expected better then an A minus from you. You disappoint me," Lucius said._

_Draco's smile became a sad frown when he heard what his father said. Draco's eyes become tearful as his father looked at him with disappointment etched in his eyes. Lucius, then, tore up the paper and threw it into the fire. Draco ran out of the room as he cried._

'From now on, I'm gonna try my hardest and make daddy proud of me,'_ Draco vowed to himself as he ran into his room and cried himself to sleep. What his father had done had really hurt Draco._

----------------------------------------------------------------End of Flash Back----------------------------------------------------------------

Draco sighed as he remembered that day, he had kept that vow to himself to make his father proud, but he had failed miserably. Draco took another long drag of his cigarette before his put it out in the ashtray on his desk and then started to contemplate his options. Receive the Dark Mark and make his father proud or choose not to get it and have his father disown him. Draco sighed as he weighed his options more carefully.

If he received the Dark Mark he would make his father proud of him, but it would only last until Lucius wanted him to do something else. Also, if he received it, he would have to take orders from a mad man. Draco knew that Voldemort had finally gone crazy, not that he wasn't before, when his only plans seemed to consist of killing Potter instead of trying to talk over the world. Voldemort would kill his own followers if that meant that Potter would be dead.

Voldemort was incapable of offering anyone power anymore because he was too intent on kill Potter. But what would happen after that? Draco knew that Voldemort was too far gone and that the only reason he was still alive was his determination to kill Harry fucking Potter.

No, Draco didn't want to take orders from a mad man. But if he didn't receive the Dark Mark then he would fail again and never be able to make his father proud of him. His father would disown him forever and would care if Voldemort killed him. All Draco ever wanted was to make Lucius proud of him and love him. Draco didn't want to disappoint his father again, but he didn't want to be in alliance with Voldemort.

Draco had no idea what he was going to do, he knew that he should do what he thought was best for himself, but he wanted to make his father proud of him. Draco had almost had enough of always doing what his father wanted him to, just to make him proud, but in the end always failing miserably. Whenever Draco would fail, his father would beat him or use the Cruciatus curse on him.

Draco sighed as he looked at the clock; it read 12:25. Draco knew that he should try to go back to sleep, lest he would be grumpy in the morning. He opened up the top drawer of his desk and pulled out some owl treats and fed them to Slayer.

"Night, girl," Draco said as he walked over to his bed, climbed him and pulled the hangings closed. It took him a while to fall back to sleep, but when he finally did it was a restless sleep.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------Dream-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_A twelve-year-old Draco sat on his bed in his private room, waiting for this father to come see him. Draco knew what was going to happen when his father arrived, he was going to be beaten. Draco curled into a little ball as he thought about what his father would do to him. Tears came to his eyes as he remembered what his father had done to him last time. Lucius had used the Cruciatus curse on him for two minutes, which felt like forever when your in pain._

_Draco jumped a little when he heard the door to his room open; he knew his father had just entered. He heard the sound of Lucius's soft footsteps grow closer to where he sat on his bed. Lucius stood before him; Draco had to suppress a shudder when he saw the anger etched into his father's face and eyes. Draco sat perfectly still as Lucius sat down beside him._

"_What the fuck was that?" Lucius asked; his voice was low._

"_I'm sorry," Draco said, his voice barely above a whisper._

"_How dare you lose to Harry fucking Potter! You're pathetic," Lucius growled as he smacked Draco across the back of the head, hard._

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," Draco said as the tears that came to his eyes earlier started to roll down his pale cheeks._

"_Sorry isn't good enough! I expected you to beat him, especially since you've had Quidditch training since you were five! You've disappointed me yet again, Draco," Lucius said as he picked Draco up by the collar of his shirt and dropped him onto the floor._

_Draco let out a whimper as his father's foot came in contact with his hip. Tears started to roll faster down Draco's pale cheeks. He tried to stop them, he didn't want to give his father the pleasure of seeing him cry, but they wouldn't stop, they just kept rolling freely down his cheeks._

"_When are you going to do something right for once in your fucking life?" Lucius asked as he picked Draco up by the collar of his shirt again._

_Draco knew that his father had seen the tears that wouldn't stop rolling down his cheeks. Draco had to bite back a scream as his father punched him, hard, in the eye._

"_Cry baby!" Lucius spat as he punched Draco in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him._

_Lucius dropped Draco to the ground. Draco curled into a ball to prevent his father from damaging any internal organs his he was kicked again. Lucius withdrew his wand from his pocket and Draco's eyes widened before he shouted, "No, father, please don't! I promise that I wont lose to Potter again! Please father, no, don't!"_

"_Crucio," Lucius said calmly as Draco started to wither with pain. "Let this be a warning about what will happen next time you fail and disappoint me, son."_

_After Lucius said that he lifted the curse and walked out of Draco's private room._

-------------------------------------------------------------------End of Dream-------------------------------------------------------------------

Draco awoke with a start; the little hairs on his body were standing on end. He really hated the dreams where his father used the Cruciatus curse on him; it always made him remember how much of a disappointment he was to his father. Draco sighed, he stood up and walked over to his desk and grabbed a cigarette out of his pack and lit it, he looked at the clock, it read three thirty. Taking a long drag, Draco walked over to his closet and grabbed a sweater; he needed to go for a walk to clean his mind.

Before Draco left his private room he grabbed something from underneath his pillow and he grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lighter. Taking a drag of his cigarette, Draco walked out of his room, he really didn't care if anyone saw, though, there was a unlikely chance that anyone would because it was so late at night, or early in the morning, however you wanted to look at it.

Draco left his room and let his feet guide him; he wasn't paying much attention to where he was going. Draco took one last drag of his cigarette before he threw it one the ground and stepped on it. Draco continued walking as he remembered a muggle song that he had heard over the summer. He had memorized it because he thought that he could relate to the song very well.

_Hey, dad, look at me  
Think back and talk to me  
Did I grow up according to the plan?  
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?  
But it hurts when you disapprove all along_

Draco sighed, the only time that he and Lucius had ever really talked was when Draco was being beaten, but Draco remembered a few times when he was a child when he and his father would play around and talk about random things. He really missed those days, now; it was like he didn't grow up the way that his father wanted him to.

Draco knew that his father wanted him to be a certain way, and Draco had done his best to be like his father wanted. Draco thought that he was exactly how his father wanted him to be, but he knew that he must have messed up somewhere if his father still wasn't proud.

Draco knew that his father thought he was wasting his time when he did things that he wanted to do, like just being a normal teenager and having fun. It always hurt Draco so much when this father always disapproved everything that he did, whether it was doing what was asked of him, or just having fun.

_And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't pretend that I'm alright  
And you can't change me_

Draco had always tried hard to make it in his father's eyes, he did everything he could to please his father, but nothing ever seemed to work. He just wanted to make him proud, he knew that he was never going to be good enough for Lucius and he couldn't pretend like everything was alright. It had become to much to do, it was hard to keep up his mask and act like he didn't care, but deep down, he did and it hurt him so much.

Lucius had tried time and time again to change him, to make him a certain way, but it never worked. Draco had, subconsciously, refused to let his father change him, he didn't want to change; Lucius couldn't change him, more matter how hard he tried. Draco, though, didn't know that he wanted to stay that way that he was, at least, he didn't know, yet. In time he would figure it out.

_'Cause we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

Draco knew that he and Lucius had lost everything that they had worked to build, at least. He knew that they had lost everything because nothing did last forever, everything changes, whether it was realized or not. No matter how hard anyone tried, everything changed, nothing could stop something from changing.

Draco was always guilty and was sorry that he couldn't be perfect like his father wanted him to. Draco would berate himself every night because he wasn't perfect, something his father wanted him to be. He wished so much to be perfect for his father, but his wish never came true.

Draco knew that it was too late for him and Lucius to go back to the way things were, when he was a small child. He really missed those days because he felt like he was perfect in his father's eyes. As he grew up, Draco had apologized profusely to his father; he had always said that he was sorry that he couldn't be perfect like Lucius wanted him to. Usually after that, he would be beaten because a Malfoy never apologizes and never tells anyone about his or her flaws, or so Lucius had always told him.

Draco looked up and realized that he was in front of the Room of Requirement. He had only found out about the room last year, but he knew how it worked. Draco sighed, he paced in front of the wall three times, thinking about a place that he could relax. He looked up and saw that a door had appeared on the wall; Draco walked over to the door, opened it, and went inside the room.

It was a comfortable room; it had a fireplace, a leather couch and loveseat, and a black four poster-bed. It looked almost identical to the room that he had stayed in at the Leaky Cauldron. Draco walked over to the leather couch that was placed in front of the fire and sat down as he sighed.

_I try not to think  
About the pain I feel inside  
Did you know you used to be my hero?  
All the days you spent with me  
Now seem so far away  
And it feels like you don't care anymore_

Draco tried not to think about the pain that he felt inside, the pain caused by his father, by his family, his friends. His father had caused him the most pain by far. Then his family, they were always putting him in the middle of family arguments that had nothing to do with him. They always made him feel like shit, like nobody wanted him around. His friends, well, they also made him feel like he wasn't wanted because they were never happy with anything he did or any of the choices that he made.

Draco wondered if his father knew that he used to be Draco's hero. The key words in that sentence, though, were used to be. After his father was sent to Azkaban, Draco quit looking up to his father, well, he didn't quit looking up to him, Lucius just wasn't his hero any longer. He didn't want to be like his father and be sent to Azkaban. Sure, he still wanted to be like his father and make him proud, but he didn't want to get sent to Azkaban for it.

Draco sighed; he remembered the days that he and his father had spent together, the good days. Now, though, they seemed so far away, like they had happened just not to him. As those days had started to go down hill, it started to feel like his father didn't care about him anymore.

Draco couldn't take the pain anymore; he reached into the pouch on his sweater and pulled out something shiny. It was a silver dagger with a snake wrapping around the hilt and a rose at the very end of the hilt. There was a hole on one of the roses petals with a red ribbon through it. Draco's godfather had given it to him before the end of last year and told him to use it well.

Draco planned on using it well, just not in the way that his godfather wanted him to. Draco sighed; he pulled up the sleeve of his sweater and looked at all the scars on his wrist. Some were old, some knew, some barely noticeable anymore, some pink because they were almost completely healed. He placed the dagger to an unmarked spot on his wrist and slid the blade across slowly, Draco had made sure that they blade was always sharp so that the cuts he was making on his arms were perfectly straight.

_And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't stand another fight  
And nothing's alright_

Draco had tried hard to make it through everything that was going on in his life but found that he couldn't. It was just to hard, that was when he started to cut, he wasn't really sure how he started, but he knew that it had helped him get through everything that he had went through and everything that was going on. Majority of the shit that he was going through was his father's fault because Draco had tried hard to make it through everything just so that he could make his father proud.

However, it always seemed that he was never going to be good enough for his father. Draco put the dagger to his wrist again and dragged it across, slowly. He watched as the blood flowed out. He couldn't stand to have another fight with his father because he knew that he was going to lose and be beaten in the end. As much as he told everyone that everything was all right, it wasn't. Everything was far from being all right.

_'Cause we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

Draco and Lucius had lost everything that they ever had together because nothing lasted forever, that's what Draco thought, at least. Lucius, on the other hand, had blamed Draco, saying that it was entirely his fault and that if he had actually tried to make Lucius proud, than no of that would have happened.

Draco had said that he was sorry that he had messed up and that he was sorry that he could be perfect like Lucius was and wanted him to be. Draco knew that after that, it was too late and they could never go back to the way things were before that happened.

Draco placed the dagger on his wrist again. As he slid it across his wrist his thought about how sorry he was that he couldn't be perfect, that he wanted to be perfect for his father. Draco knew that he was as far from perfect than anything else in the world. No matter how much his godfather told him that he was as close to perfect as anyone could get, Draco knew differently.

_Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
Nothing's gonna make this right again  
Please don't turn your back  
I can't believe it's hard  
Just to talk to you  
But you don't understand_

Draco watched the blood slid off his wrist on onto the leather couch. He knew that went he met up with his father, Lucius was going to say anything to make Draco receive the Dark Mark, but nothing was going to change the things that Lucius had said to him before. He knew that Lucius was going to try and make things better, but he also knew that nothing was going to make things right again.

After that would happen, Lucius would turn his back on him. Draco knew that Lucius couldn't turn his back on him because he already had. Draco couldn't believe that it was so hard to talk to his father, but he knew that Lucius would never understand what he was going through.

_'Cause we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

Draco knew that he had lost everything already, but he was content because he knew that nothing lasted forever. Though, he was still sorry that he hadn't make Lucius proud and that he wasn't perfect. He knew that it was too late to try and go back to the way things were before. He was sorry that during those times, though, that he hadn't been perfect for Lucius.

Draco sighed as he cleaned up the mess he had made on his arm and the couch. When he was done that, he put the dagger back into his pocket, and took out his pack of cigarettes. He took one out of the pack and lit it, he took a long drag of his cigarette as he put the pack and lighter back in his pocket.

He stood up and walked over to the door that led back to the hallway. Just has he was about to open the door, he heard the clock at the back of the school chime four times, signaling that it was four o'clock. He opened the door and walked back to his private room, he knew that he wouldn't be able to get any sleep, but he figured that he might as well try.

* * *

OMG! In sooooo sorry to everyone…I know that I said that I would have the next chapter up on Sunday and today's Monday! Shit! I'm sooo sorry everyone! Lol…anywayz…now that I've gotten that out…what did u guys think of this chapter? 

I kinda thought that it sucked because I kept repeating a few things, but that's what kinda puts me in the mood…but, I usually only do that when I'm writing and there's a song in it. But I think for the rest of the story there's only going to be one more song! Lol…anywayz…Draco's song that he most relates to is Perfect by Simple Plan. And Harry's isn't My Immortal by Evanescence…lol…I no that u would think that but its not because I named the story My Immortal because it has almost everything to do with the plot! Lol

Anywayz…

I'd like to thank all my WONDERFUL reviewers!

**Myniepheonix:** lol…thanks for the review. You'll get to see were this is going a few chapters, hopefully about 3-5. lol…for having to make you wait that long.

**Shakespeares Whore:** Aww thanks for the complement! Yea I do some drugs…not the very serious ones though, just weed, hash, and on a very rare occasion E, oh, did I mention that I smoke? Anywayz, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Hittocerebattosai:** lol…im glad you enjoyed it tones. And I'm glad that you cant wait to read more. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**MidnightsRose:** thanks for the complement. I no I think that Vernon should die and burn in hell, too. Of course, everyone that I know says that I am the devil HERself…lol…they say that I rule over hell…lmao…that's only because im an evil little bitch…hehe…and its scary because everyone that I no that likes Harry Potter says that I'd be in Slytherin for my evil and manipulative and deceitful ways and that I'd be in Gryffindor for my courage and braveness and all that other good shit…lmao. OMG1! I'm rambling…again! Lol…anywayz…I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**WrittenWords:** Aww thanks for the complement it really means a lot to me. Lol…yea that was the first rape scene I've ever written, so by you saying that it means SOOO much to me. I really hope that you like this chapter and thanks sooo much for the review it really made my day!

**Jujube15:** lol…what do you mean wizard-nuke that Dursley's? Lmao…yea you're right, though, Dumbledore is an old manipulative bastard! Lmao…have you read the sixth book yet? Lol…ill tell you why I asked that next chapter. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Hermione1208:** lol…I take it that you like my story. Lol…anywayz…I hope that you like this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Emeralddragon:** lmao! I think I'll take that as u like this story…lol. Don't worry about Vernon; I've got plans for him. Lmao. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Hiero Kaze:** Thanks, I know…within the next few chapters something special is gonna happen. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Mick the irish pirate:** I'm glad that you love my story…lol. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**DarkerHeart:** lmao…its okay I no people who've got like three times as many piercings as I've got…n I've only got 12…lol…my grandmother doesn't want me to get my tongue done because it can kill you if it gets infected or if you hit a certain vein…and she says knowing my luck that'll happen. Lol…she said that because I'm a total klutz and I'm accident-prone...lmao…anywayz…im glad you enjoyed that Snape scene, and yes, Harry and Draco do get together…but not for a while…lol…sorry…but things do start to happen between then within the next few chapters, hopefully. Anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**FroBoy:** I'm glad that you like the last chapter. I hope enjoyed this one too and thanks for the review.

**Nulla:** lol, thanks, I'm glad you like my story so far. I dunno, I think its all a matter of opinion. But I've never really like Dumbledore all that much. But as you said I shall write as I want of course! Lol…anywayz thanks for the review and I really hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

**Elektra107:** I know that I was sad…n I liked it when Harry talked about to Snape too. Lol…just wait until next chapter…I think that you'll like that one too. Lol…anywayz…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**The Dark's Desire:** lmao, yea I no poor but hot Harry! Lol…I like his attitude too…it sound exactly like me…I swear AND talk about to teachers…I got suspend like a week ago fro talking about to my homeroom teacher AND my VP…yea…that wasn't the smartest thing Ive ever done…but luckily it was only a one day suspension AND it was indoors…damn…I broke down around 1 because I hadn't had my cigarette so my VP let me go to Tim Horton's…lol…it was awesome…anywayz…I'm rambling on…again.

Yea, I no…it was really hard for me to write…that's why I didn't make it all that graphic…lol…n yea, Dumbledore is like that in this fic! I really don't like him that much…lol…I only no you (now) and a few other people that think that Dumbledore is really like that. I mean seriously…he could be the next Voldemort if he wanted to, though, I would put it past him…but…Have you read the sixth Harry Potter book? If you have…all I've got to say about Dumbledore is…awww and serves him right, even though he was only trying to help…he got what he deserved for being that way to Harry.

Wow…I'm rambling on…again! That's twice in one response to a review…I've never done that before…I think that its my new record…lol…now…im gonna shut up before I start to ramble again…so…anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

**Dracorox418:** I'm soooo happy that you love My Immortal…I'm a huge fan of Evanescence too. Thanks for that complement and I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Crying these bloody tears:** (Chapter 1) I'm glad you enjoyed my story so far. And thanks for pointing out my mistakes…I'll fix than ASAP…lol

(Chapter 2) it's okay, I don't mind besides, it was creative criticism…but anywayz…criticism is good…depending on how you criticize someone…if you're calling them names than its not good…but the other kind is because it helps you learn from you mistakes and fix them. Anywayz…thanks for the complement (and criticism…lol)

(Chapter 3) thanks; I'm glad you love my story. And I'm glad that you can relate to some of the things in it. I've gone through everything in this story, except for the rape…lol…I've been trying to stop and you're right, it's hard. I would really appreciate you're help, it would mean a lot to me.

(Chapter 4) thanks, yea I smoke too…it's a really bad habit and it's hard to quit…I've tried a few times and I've failed. Your guess was close…anywayz…thanks for the reviews and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

NOW! For the moment that you've all been waiting for…MY AGE! Lol…I'm not sure how many people were really waiting for it but…oh well…lol…here's everyone that guess my age.

**Jujube15:** 17, 22, 34, 15

**Draeconin:** 15

**Crying these bloody tears:** 17

You were all very close! Now to reveal my age…DUN DUN DUN…

14!

Lol…for some of you than many be a shock…lol…but I'm going to be 15 on January 16! Lol anywayz…I hope you all enjoyed this chapter…please review and let me know what you all thought.

Until next chapter!

-Wykked As Syn


	7. Lectures and Classes

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

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**Chapter 7: Lectures and Classes**

Harry was sleeping soundlessly in an armchair near the fire until Hermione began to shake him gently in an attempt to wake him up. Harry opened his eyes slowly as he took in his surroundings, he was in the common room, he figured that he much have fallen asleep when he was sitting in front of the fire after his walk to the Astronomy Tower. Harry stretched and yawned as he stood up from the armchair.

Harry looked around the room and noticed that he and Hermione were the only people awake. After noticing that, Harry looked at the clock that was situated above the fireplace, it read seven o'clock. It was a little early to be up, but he figured that it was better because he had a lot of planning to do about what he was going to tell Dumbledore.

'_Shit,'_ Harry thought. _'I've gotta talk to that old meddling fool today. Fuck, he's going to ask so many questions, I know it. He's gonna ask me why I left the Dursley's and a bunch of other things that I'd rather not discuss.'_

"Harry!" Hermione said.

"What? Oh sorry what were you saying, Hermione?" Harry asked; he must have zoned out for a moment.

"I had asked you if you wanted to meet me back down here in about a half an hour," Hermione said.

"Yea, sure, Hermione," Harry said as he started to walk up to the sixth years boys' dormitory.

Harry quietly walked into the dormitory that he share with four other boys, grabbed his toiletries and a cigarette that he planned on smoking before he took a shower, and went into the shower. Harry quickly smoked his cigarette and did his normal morning rituals. When he was done and dressed he quietly grabbed his school supplies and made his way back down to the common room to meet Hermione.

When he had reentered the common room, though, Hermione wasn't there. Harry sighed, he sat down in the armchair that he had fallen asleep in earlier and waited for Hermione. He didn't have to wait long, though, a few minutes after he sat down, Hermione appeared at the bottom of the stairs that led to the girls' dormitory.

"Ready to go to breakfast?" She asked as she walked over to Harry.

"Sure," Harry said as he stood up and grabbed his backpack.

Harry and Hermione walked down to breakfast in silence. Hermione didn't say anything in fear of Harry getting angry with her, again. Harry didn't say anything because he knew that Hermione would take the conversation in a direction that he didn't want it to go in. He and Hermione entered the Great Hall and sat down at their respectable tables. About half the school was already awake and eating breakfast when Hermione and Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table. Hermione grabbed a bowl of porridge and started to eat it when Professor McGonagall walked up to them.

"Here are the class that you both will be able to take this year, choice wisely," She said, she handed then each a piece of paper before she walked back to the head table.

Harry noticed that he had been given two papers; he looked at the second one and realized that it was his O.W.L.s from last year. They looked something like this:

_ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS_

_Passing Grades: Outstanding (O) _

_Exceeds Expectations (E)_

_Acceptable (A) _

_Failing Grades: Poor (P)_

_Dreadful (D)_

_Troll (T)_

_HARRY JAMES POTTER HAS ACHIEVED:_

_Astronomy: A_

_Care of Magical Creatures: E_

_Charms: E_

_Defence Against the Dark Arts: O_

_Divination: D_

_Herbology: E_

_History of Magic: D_

_Potions: O_

_Transfiguration: O_

Harry let out a small smile, he had received seven O.W.L.s and he only failed Divination and History of Magic. He thought he did well considering what that happened last year. Not wanting to think about last year, Harry looked at all the classes that were available to him. He could get into Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, and Care of Magical Creatures.

Harry knew that the only thing he didn't need to become an Auror was Care of Magical Creatures, he decided not to take it, even though Hagrid would be crushed. He had had enough of always worrying about other people's feelings, he wanted to worry about himself for once, and by not going to Hagrid's classes was a start.

Harry pulled himself out of his thoughts and concentrated on what class he could take and what time they were at. _'Damn!'_ Harry thought as he saw that double Potions with Slytherin was first. _'Every year I always get suck in double Potions with the Slytherin as my first class!'_

Harry sighed, he stood up and walked out of the Great Hall and started to go down to the dungeons for Potions. Harry knew that he was going to have a somewhat interesting year in Potions because he had read all of his school books at least four times over the summer. He knew that Snape was going to shocked, to say at the least, that when he asked Harry a question and received the correct answer.

Harry couldn't wait to show Snape up, in front of everyone else in the class. He couldn't wait to see the look on Snape's face when he answered the question correctly. He couldn't wait to surprise Snape by knowing the answer to anything he was asked. Harry knew, though, that Snape would probably ask him questions from his previous years, and that was why he had also read all his old Potion books at least twice.

Harry was brought back from his thoughts as he realized that he was standing in front of the door that led to his class. Harry opened the door and walked in, not caring if Snape was in the room or not. He walked over to a seat at the very back of the classroom and sat down, waiting for the bell to ring and Snape and they other students to arrive. He didn't have to wait long, though, because not even a moment after he sat down, the bell rang and students came into the classroom.

From what Harry saw, all the Slytherin at had it into the class, but he didn't see Malfoy. _'Thank god,'_ Harry thought to himself. Harry noticed that he was the only Gryffindor in the class. Harry sighed, he knew, now, that it was going to be a long year.

As Harry looked around the classroom, he noticed that there were fewer desks in the room then there was last year. He noticed that there were only enough seats for everyone in the room, but there was one empty seat left and it was beside him, in the next row over. He really hoped that it would be a Gryffindor that was going to be sitting there for the rest of the year.

Sighing, Harry took out his books, parchment, quill and inkwell and set them up on his desk. Just as he finished setting them up, Snape walked into the room, cloak billowing behind him, as usual. The second bell rung, Snape was just about to close the door, when Malfoy walked in. Snape didn't ask him why he was late; he just let in walk in. Harry looked at the seat next to him. _'Shit!'_ He thought angrily. He was going to have to sit almost right next to Malfoy all year.

Malfoy sat down, completely ignoring Harry, and Snape started talking, though he wasn't really paying any attention, he was too busy brooding. Why did he have to sit almost right next to Malfoy? It wasn't fair, if Malfoy had arrived to class earlier, he wouldn't be in this situation. It was all Malfoy's fault, if he could have been on time, like everyone else, Harry would have had a wonderful year because he more then likely wouldn't be sitting next to Malfoy.

"Potter," Snape said, bringing Harry back from his brooding thoughts. Harry didn't say anything, he just looked up at Snape. "Pay attention!"

Snape went back to talking and Harry, unfortunately, paid attention, just in case Snape decided to start asking question and chose him. Harry didn't have to wait long for Snape to being asking the class questions.

"Miss Parkinson, what is the most important ingredient in a Polyjuice Potion, and why?" Snape asked, as he stared at Parkinson, expecting her to give the correct answer.

"I don't know, sir," Parkinson answered.

"Mister Zabini?" Snape asked another student.

"I don't know, either, sir?" Zabini answered.

"Mister Malfoy?" Snape asked, getting frustrated that none of his Slytherins could answer the question. He was hoping that Malfoy would, it was obvious in him voice.

"I'm not sure," Malfoy answered tiredly.

"This is a simple fifth year question! Why cant any of you answer it?" Snape growled in frustration. "Potter!"

"The most important ingredient in a Polyjuice Potion is the Fluxweed because it needs to be picked on the night of the full moon." Harry said simply, he knew the answer to that question back was he was in his second year. Snape stared at him, as if he grew a second head.

"Correct," Snape muttered. "What are the ingredients in a Polyjuice Potion, Potter?"

"The ingredients in a Polyjuice Potion are Lacewing Flies, Leeches, Fluxweed, Knotgrass, Powdered Horn of a Bicorn, Shredded Skin of a Boomslang, and a piece of the person you want to change into," Harry answered, trying not to smirk.

"Correct, again," Snape muttered, he was becoming frustrated that Harry was answering the questions right. Then he thought of something. "Fine, what are the three most important ingredients in a Veritaserum, and what are the other ingredients in it?"

"The three most important ingredients in a Veritaserum are a Unicorn's Tail Hair, Dragon Blood, and Belladonna. The other ingredients in the potion are Spine of Lionfish and Puffer-Fish Eyes, sir," Harry said smirking slightly.

"Correct," Snape growled. "Five points to Gryffindor."

"Sir?" Harry asked as politely as he could, he knew that class was going to get interesting in a few moments.

"What is it, Potter?" Snape growled.

"How come I only received five point for answering all three of you questions correctly?" Harry asked, trying to play innocent and keep away the smirk that wanted so badly to grace his lip. He knew that class was about to get interesting. "Is it because I'm not in Slytherin like the others?"

"No," Snape said slowly, not sure how to answer the boy's question.

"You do realize that it isn't fair that I answered all your questions correctly and only received five points but say I were in Slytherin, I would have received sixty. Why is that, _sir_?" Harry said, trying to will the urge to smirk to go away.

"I-I-" Snape started but Harry cut him off.

"Did you really hate my father that much, that you have to take it out on his heirs and the rest of the Gryffindor?" Harry asked.

"Don't talk about things you know nothing about, Potter!" Snape growled.

"Oh, I'm not, trust me," Harry said, finally giving in and smirking. "I know everything happened to you when you were at school. And I mean _everything_."

"I said don't talk about what you have no idea about!" Snape snarled.

"I'm not, a certain birdie told me everything," Harry smirked. "Anyways, what about the other fifty-five points that I deserve? Or do I have to tell a certain someone a certain something?"

"How…very Slytherin of you, Potter," Snape smirked.

"I know, it's a gift, literally," Harry said as he smirked. His smirk could put Malfoy's and Snape's to shame.

Harry sat in his seat watching as Snape tried quickly to pick apart what he had just told him. Harry tried his hardest not to laugh or do anything of the sort when a concluding look appeared on Snape's face. _'It would seem that he might have figured it out,'_ Harry thought to himself. Before he said anything to Snape, he looked around to see a room full of very confused looking Slytherin's.

"No, you're lying, you couldn't have been almost…could you?" Snape said, trying to get over the shock. Harry didn't say anything; he just smirked and nodded his head. "But, why didn't you?"

"Because I didn't want to be," Harry said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Right…fifty-five points to Gryffindor," Snape muttered.

"What did you say, sir?" Harry asked. He had heard what Snape said, but he knew that if Snape said it again he would earn another fifty-five points.

"Fifty-five points to Gryffindor…" Snape trailed off. "Son of a bitch! Potter, you sneaky little…go see the Headmaster!"

"With pleasure," Harry said, putting on a big fake smile as he gathered his things and left. Before he left the classroom, he turned to Snape and said, "Thanks."

Harry left the classroom, but didn't head for the Headmaster's office, yet. He wanted to hear if the Slytherin's had anything to say about what just happened. He had a feeling that someone was going to ask Snape something, his feeling was right. Not even a minute after he left the classroom he heard someone speak.

"What was that about, sir?" Harry assumed that it was Malfoy who had asked the question.

"Nothing, Mr. Malfoy. Just Potter being sneaky, nothing to concern yourself with. Now lets get started with today's lesson," Harry heard Snape answer.

After Snape said that, Harry started to walk up to the main floor. He didn't have any intentions of going to the old man's office right away; he planned on going somewhere to have a cigarette first. He just didn't have any idea where he was going to go, the Astronomy Tower was being used for classes, so he couldn't go there. Then he remembered one place he could go without getting caught, he knew that he would be in major trouble if someone caught him smoking. He would probably be lectured about how he shouldn't smoke because he was the Saviour of the Wizarding World and he was supposed to be setting an example for everyone else, and by smoking, he would be setting a pretty poor example.

Harry sighed, he started to make his way to the once place he could go without getting caught, the Room of Requirement. As Harry made his way to his destination, he started to think about to what happened in the potions classroom earlier. He had answered Snape's questions correctly, but when he only received five points for it, he felt like Snape was being unjustified.

When Harry had said a certain someone told him something, he was lying. Nobody told him anything about Snape that could he used against him. Harry had only said that because he knew that everyone had their secrets that only very few people knew about. After he saw Snape's reaction when he said that, Harry figured that he had hit a nerve and found something that he could use to manipulate Snape.

Of course, Harry didn't want to manipulate anyone because then he wouldn't be any better the Dumbledore and Voldemort and he didn't was to stoop to there level. However, the only person that Harry did want to actually manipulate was Dumbledore, that meddling old fool.

Harry had a feeling, though, that it was going to take a lot of work, manipulating Dumbledore, but he was willing to try until he succeeded. Harry knew that it was going to take a lot of acting before he was able to manipulate Dumbledore, he didn't care, though, as long as he got what he wanted in the end. If he could, Harry would manipulate Voldemort, but he knew the chances of that were very unlikely.

At the moment, Harry didn't want to think about Voldemort or Dumbledore anymore, he would rather they were dead then in his life, always meddling in it and making it worse than what it already was.

Before Harry could move his thoughts away from Voldemort and Dumbledore, he looked up and realized that he was standing in front of the wall that lead to the Room of Requirement. Harry quickly paced in front of the wall three times, thinking about a place that he would be able to relax and have a cigarette.

When Harry looked back at the wall, he saw that a door had appeared; he quickly walked over to it and stepped into the room, not wanting to be seen by anyone. He looked around the room, it was small but comfortable, it had a fireplace and a chair in front of it. There was a coffee table beside the chair, and on the coffee table, Harry noticed, there was an ashtray. The room was modern, it look almost the same as the room in the Leaky Cauldron.

Harry walked over to the chair and sat down, he set he backpack at his feet and started to rummage through it, looking for his cigarettes. When his found his pack and his lighter, he took a cigarette out of his pack and lit it. He took a long drag as he leaned back in the soft chair.

Harry went back to his thoughts before he entered the Room of Requirement. He didn't want to think about Voldemort and Dumbledore ruining his life, instead, he started to wonder what made Snape give in. He knew that he said something about a certain someone telling him a certain something, and he wanted to know who that someone was and what that something was about.

He knew that what he said to Snape was a little harsh because by Snape's reaction it was something that he obviously didn't want anyone to know. Harry just hoped that he didn't get anyone in trouble with Snape, he knew that he should talk to Snape and tell him that he didn't know anything and that he lied, but he didn't want to get a detention or get more points taken away.

Harry knew that the right thing to do what to talk to Snape about it, but he didn't know if he should or not. He didn't want anyone to be on the receiving end of Snape's wrath because he said he knew something when he really knew nothing about it.

Taking a drag of his cigarette, Harry sighed; maybe he would get in less trouble from Snape if he told him the truth. Harry decided that he would go talk to Snape after classes and tell him that he didn't know anything about him and that he needn't worry about anyone finding out his secret because he had know clue what it was. To Harry, that seemed like the logical thing to do.

Still, Harry wanted to find out what it was that Snape was hiding that would make him give in so easily. He didn't know how he was going to find out, but he knew that he would if it took him all year. Then Harry wondered if Remus knew, Remus seemed to know a lot about everyone, maybe he knew what Snape was hiding. Harry would go talk to Remus after he talked to Snape when classes ended or maybe even at lunch.

Harry figured that it would be best if he talked to Snape and Remus during lunch because if Harry showed up at Snape's office after classes, he had a feeling that Snape wouldn't let him leave until he served his detention, and Harry had no intentions to do that.

Sighing, Harry quickly finished his cigarette and put it out in the ashtray on the coffee table, figuring that he had better get to Dumbledore's office before he got in even more trouble. Harry grabbed his backpack and put it over his shoulder before he walked out of the Room of Requirement and headed for the old meddling fool's office.

Harry wondered what Dumbledore was going to do when he arrived there; Harry had no clue what he was going to tell him. He knew that he had to tell him that Snape sent him, but he didn't know what he was going to say after that. Harry knew that Dumbledore was going to ask him why Snape had sent him down. He figured that he would just tell Dumbledore that he had said something and Snape sent him there.

Also, Harry knew that he was going to be talked to about why he ran away from Privet Drive. He really needed to think of a cover story before he arrived at the old man's office. Maybe he could tell Dumbledore that he had had enough of always being cut off from the Wizarding World and that he found the place hell because he didn't like the fact that he had nothing to do and he was always doing things that the Petunia and Vernon should have been doing.

Harry doubted that Dumbledore would believe that, but he had to try. Harry knew that the meddling old man was going to try and read his mind to figure out what was going on, but the only way that he could do that would be if he was looking Harry in the eye. Harry knew that Dumbledore didn't even need to look someone in the eye to read his or her mind, that he was a master at Occlumency.

Harry knew that he would have to do his best not to make eye contact with Dumbledore and to keep the meddling fool out of his mind. Even though Harry hadn't been that good at Occlumency he figured that he might be good enough to stop Dumbledore from seeing certain memories that would cause him to do even more meddling.

Harry looked up and was surprised to see that he was standing in front of the gargoyles that lead to Dumbledore's office. He hated it when he wasn't paying attention to where he was going but always ended up where he wanted to be because he could never remember walking there, it worried him sometimes. Harry cast a quick spell to rid himself of the smell of cigarette, he really didn't want to listen to a lecture about not smoking.

"Blood Lollipop," Harry said.

The gargoyles sprung to life and moved to the side to reveal stairs that were spiraling upward. Harry quickly stepped on them and waited until the came to a stop. He walked forward and knocked on the door, waiting for Dumbledore to tell him it was all right to come in.

"Come in," Harry heard Dumbledore say.

Harry opened the door to the Headmaster's office and walked in, he closed the door behind him and walked over to a chair in front of the old man's desk.

"What brings you here, Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"Snape sent me here," Harry said.

"_Professor_ Snape, Harry. Why did he send you here?" Dumbledore asked.

"Because I said something and he got angry or something," Harry said, he wasn't looking Dumbledore in the eye, but he was looking at the point just above his left shoulder.

"Ah, I see," Dumbledore said.

"Yea," Harry said.

"Harry, I want to talk to you about what happened this summer," Dumbledore said, changing the subject. "Why did you leave your Aunt and Uncle's?"

"Because," Harry said simply, he knew that the old meddling fool in front of him was going to ask him more, but he didn't care. He gave up caring about anything a while ago.

"Harry, because isn't a good enough answer," Dumbledore said calmly.

"So?" Harry said, still not looking Dumbledore in the eye.

"Harry, I have the letter that you wrote to Remus and Tonks the night that you ran away," Dumbledore said as he opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out the letter. "It says: '_I've had it! I'm not staying in the hellhole any longer! I'm leaving! I cant take much more of this shit! I don't know where I'm going but I know that it is going to be far away from here. And don't either of you two dare tell me that as long as I live with my aunt I'll be safe! I'm probably way safer away from here then being here. I don't care what you guys have to say; I'm NEVER going back to that hellhole ever again. I'd rather face Voldemort one-on-one.' _Now, would you like to explain to me what you mean?"

"Well, you see, Professor, I couldn't stand staying with them any more," Harry said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I gather that much, Harry," Dumbledore said. 'But why?"

"Because I could stand always being cut off from the Wizarding World, and not knowing exactly what was going on. I found being there hell because I always had to do everything around the hose because Vernon and Petunia were too lazy to get off their asses and do it themselves," Harry said, not telling Dumbledore much of the truth. The only truth to what he said was that he had to do everything around the house.

"Well, Harry," Dumbledore said. "You know better then to run off like that. You know that as long as you are living with you're Aunt you're safe and Voldemort can't hurt you."

"I know, sir," Harry said, he could feel Dumbledore trying to get into his mind, but he put up his mind barriers to prevent Dumbledore from knowing anything.

"Harry, what would you have done if Voldemort had found you? He could have killed you, did you really want that? It was foolish of you to run away. You know better. I understand that you were upset and frustrated, but that doesn't mean that you can put your life on the line.

"Harry, I expected you to be better then that, then to run away from your problems. The Harry that I know would always face his problems head on, no matter what they were, no matter how big or small they are. Also, the Harry that I know would never dress like you did yesterday and get anything pierced."

'_The Harry that you know died long ago,'_ Harry thought.

"Also, Harry we had this talk yesterday, I told you that I wanted you to take out all of your piercings. I mean it Harry, I will have you give you a detention. I want you to set an example for the other students, and by getting piercings, you're not setting a very good example. Harry I will let you keep in your piercings only under the condition that you serve detention every night with me." Dumbledore said.

"No, sir, I think that that seems highly unfair, you know as well as I do that so many students have gotten piercings long before I did. If you're going to punish only one person for having them, than that it highly unfair. You would have to punish everyone who has a piercing. And from what I can see, that would be almost the entire school." Harry said.

"Harry," Dumbledore sighed. "I know that you are very confused and having a hard time right now, but please don't take it out on me."

"I'm sorry, sir," Harry lied, in truth, he wasn't sorry.

"It's okay, my boy," Dumbledore said. "Now, about your detentions with Severus for the next while. You are to go to them and do as he says, and I understood?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said, trying hard to keep his temper in check. He didn't care what the old meddling fool had to say, he wasn't serving those detentions, Snape deserved what he got.

"Now, head along, your next class is about to start soon," Dumbledore said.

Harry didn't say anything, he just stood up grabbed his bag and walked out of Dumbledore's office. He stepped onto the spiraling stairs and checked his watch, he had thirty minutes until his next class started, he figured he might as well go back to Potions.

Harry sighed; he started to walk back down to the dungeons. He knew that Dumbledore would try to read his mind, he was glad that he was able to stop him. But, he knew that one day, he wouldn't, knew that he needed Occlumency lessons again, but he refused to take them from Dumbledore. That only left Snape, Harry wasn't sure if Snape would agree to it or not, but there was only one-way to find out, ask.

Harry decided that he would talk to Snape at the end of class, he would tell him that he didn't know anything that he had lied and he them he would ask him if he would teach him Occlumency again. He just hope that Snape would agree, that way he wouldn't have people trying to read his mind all the time, well the only people that he didn't want reading his mind were Dumbledore and Voldemort.

Harry looked up and realized that he was standing in front the door that led to the Potions classroom. He really needed to start paying attention to were he was walking. Sighing, Harry opened the door and walked into the classroom.

"Potter," Snape said.

"Yes?" Harry said, looking around the classroom he noticed that everyone was working on a potion.

"What did the Headmaster say?" Snape asked.

"Nothing really, he just asked me what I did n I told him, that was it," Harry said.

"Very well, take your seat, don't worry about doing the potion, you will not have enough time," Snape said.

"Are you going to fail me because of that?" Harry asked.

"No, but you will be coming back to night to do the potion," Snape said. Harry was a little shocked to sat at the least that Snape wasn't going to fail him and was letting him make it up.

'_Probably because he thinks that I know something about him,'_ Harry thought.

"Now, go take your seat," Snape said.

"Um, sir, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute, in private," Harry said, he figured he might as well talk to Snape about it now.

"Very well," Snape said as he stood up and walked out of the classroom, Harry followed. "What would you like to talk to me about?"

"Well, you see, sir," Harry said. "I really don't know anything about you, when I said that a certain someone told me something, I was lying. But when I saw your reaction I kept going."

"Really?" Snape said as he rose an eyebrow. "Well, you know what you did was wrong, right?"

"Yes, yes, I know, please, spare me the lecture," Harry said.

"Alright, is there anything else?" Snape asked.

"Yes, I was wondering if you would consider teaching my Occlumency again?" Harry asked.

"Did Dumbledore want you to ask me that?" Snape asked as he rose another eyebrow.

"No, but he is the reason that I'm asking you," Harry said.

"What do you mean?" Snape asked.

"Well, he was trying to read my thoughts when I was talking with him earlier," Harry said simply.

"And you don't want him to?" Snape asked.

"No, I don't," Harry said. "Sir, can I ask you something?"

"Depends on what it is," Snape said, he finally noticed that he was having a civil conversation with Harry and he was actually being nice to the raven-haired boy.

"Do you like Dumbledore, like I mean as a person?" Harry asked.

"No," Snape said simply.

"Good, then you understand why I want to learn Occlumency, but I don't want him to know about it," Harry said.

"I see, I stand by what I said earlier, you would do well in Slytherin," Snape said.

"Yes, I know, I should have listened to the stupid hat," Harry said.

"Very well," Snape smirked.

"Now, can we go back to treating each other like shit, because in getting a little freaked out by having a civil conversation with you," Harry joked.

"Language, Potter," Snape said, still smirking. "Meet me in my office next Monday at six o'clock. Now get back to class."

* * *

Wow! What did you guys think about that chapter? I kinda liked it. 

Anywayz… I was wondering what you guy think about Harry being resorted…do you think that I should have him be resorted into Slytherin or leave him where he is? Lol…its up to you guys. Also…has anyone ever heard of the show Queer as Folk? Or does anyone here watch that show? Lol…anywayz…I know that I copied the way that Harry's results are from the sixth book…but I don't care…lol…anywayz…

I'd like to thank all my WONDERFUL reviewers!

**Hittocerebattosai:** lol…wykked…I told you guys that I kinda repeated it over and over again…but that's only cuz of the song…hehe…yea…I'll blame it on the song. Anywayz…I'm glad that you loved that chapter. Lmao…I've never tried Pomegranate and Mint…sounds awful…lmao…anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**WrittenWords: **lol…at least one of us doesn't think that I repeated it that much…lol…yea I no…I really like Lucius…so it was hard for my to write…lol…I don't think that you say well too much. I tend to say 'lol' too much and I tend to go '…' to much…lol…see…anywayz, thanks for the complement and review I hope that you enjoyed this chapter too.

**Dracorox418:** lol…thanks for the complement. You didn't spell continuing wrong…I cant wait for the second chapter to come out…so hurry up and update…lmao…anywayz…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**DarkerHeart:** lol…yea…don't worry…I'm hope to at least make them friends some time soon…hope being the key word…lol…anywayz…I hope you liked this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Jujube15:** lol…yea…I still think that Snape's a good guy too…in this story…I will be…for the most part…lol. Anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**MidnightsRose:** lol…yea I love that song too…I listen to it like everyday…and I can relate soooo well to it…lol…anywayz…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**The Dark's Desire:** lmao…Chains The Dark's Desire down…now now…no killing anyone today…maybe tomorrow I'll let you go and u can kill Voldemort…lmfao! Hehe…yup…looks like I'm making you lose your Seer's eye…lmao. I'm glad that you loved the last chapter. Anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope that you like this chapter.

**Draco8448: **(Chapter 1) lmao…yea I've read the fic with a chapter called Crimson Relief…lol…its was a good story…but the author hasn't updated in a while…anywayz…I'm glad that I makes you wanna read it even more…lol! Thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoy the rest of my story.

**Crying these bloody tears:** lol…thanks…a lot of people say that I am mature for my age so…lol…I can relate to everything in my story…except for the rape…but I was almost raped once so…lol…I might take you up on your offer…I really wanna try and stop cutting but its hard. Lol…tell your friend that I said Happy Birthday! Lol…anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

**Hermione1208: **lol…thanks…don't worry, Draco wont become a Death Eater…oops…well now everyone knows it…lmao…I plan of him and Harry talking and everything…but that wont be for a few chapters…lol…anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

**just-think-of-a-stupid-name-and-that's-me:** lol…so do I…thanks for the complement…anywayz…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

Anywayz…remember to review and tell me what you thought about this chapter! Until next chapter!

-Wykked As Syn


	8. Occlumency, Talking to Remus, Arguments

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through the exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Occlumency, Talking to Remus, Arguments, and the Letter**

It was Saturday night, Harry sat on his bed in the boys' dormitory, thinking. It had been almost a week since he had had that conversation with Snape, and it still freaked him out, somewhat. He never really knew Snape to be the type that was nice to someone that he supposedly hated. Harry had expected Snape to yell at him when he told the truth, not say that it was fine. Harry also expected Snape to refuse to teach him Occlumency again.

It was starting to really bothered Harry the way the Snape had been acting since the beginning of school. In classes, when Harry would mess up on a potion or something, Snape would tell him what he did wrong and how to fix it, if there was any way to do so. If there wasn't a way to fix the potion, Snape would tell Harry to start over and he could come back later that night to finish it.

When Harry would hand in an essay that Snape had assigned the night before, Snape, instead of giving him a zero, would actually mark it; point out the mistakes made so that Harry knew better for next time. Snape seemed really different this year, and it bothered Harry. Harry knew that Snape changed, he had told Harry so himself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------Flashback---------------------------------------------------------------------

_It was Friday, and Harry had been in Potions. The bell had rung, signaling that class was dismissed. Harry was about to leave the classroom when Snape told him to stay. Harry walked over to Snape's desk and waited for the rest of the students to leave._

"_Yes, sir?" Harry said._

"_Potter, instead of having your Occlumency lesson on Monday night, you are to come down to my office Saturday night, same time, though," Snape said._

"_Okay," Harry said. "Um, sir?"_

"_Yes?" Snape said as he started to prepare for his next lesson._

"_I was wondering, on Monday, when I told you that I didn't know anything about you that I could use against you, how come you didn't freak out or take any points?" Harry asked._

"_Because I was content that you didn't know anything and that you had enough decency to come and tell me the truth," Snape said simply._

"_Oh, but, if I were to do that, say last year, you would have given me a detention and taken away a lot of points. So, what's with the sudden change?" Harry asked, he didn't know why he was asking these questions, he just was. _

_Harry knew that in one way or another it would help him figure out what Snape was hiding. He was still a little suspicious about Snape's behavior, though. Also, Harry couldn't figure out why Snape was being nice to him and was even answering his questions; that was what worried Harry the most, the fact that Snape was being nice to him _and_ answering his questions._

"_Because, Potter, people change. I've changed a lot over the summer. I was glad that you had come to me and told me the truth. It's better to tell the truth then to lie, because when you tell the truth you don't have to remember what you said. When you lie, you have to remember every single thing that you said." Snape answered._

"_Right, who the fuck are you and what have you done with the Snape we all know and love to hate?" Harry asked, suspicion and sarcasm evident in his voice._

"_Language, Potter, and I told you, I've changed," Snape said._

"_Yea, I can see, if I were to say that last year I would have landed myself in detention and Gryffindor would have lost a fair amount of points," Harry said._

"_Exactly," Snape said as he sat down on his desk._

"_Um, sir, if you don't mind me asking, what made you change?" Harry asked._

"_Well-" Snape started, but he was cut off when the second bell rang._

"_Shit," Harry said._

"_Just tell Remus that you were with me, he'll understand," Snape said._

"_Okay," Harry said as he walked out of the classroom and made his way to his next class._

-----------------------------------------------------------------End of Flashback-----------------------------------------------------------------

Harry had been thinking about that conversation since it had happened. He knew that Snape had changed over the summer, that much was obvious, but why? That was what Harry wanted to know, if he knew why Snape changed, then maybe that would help him figure out what Snape was hiding.

Harry knew that it was wrong to take advantage of Snape's newfound kindness, but if he ever wanted to figure out what was going on with Snape, he had to. In a way, he was manipulating Snape, but he really didn't care. Of course, he knew that by manipulating Snape, he was doing the exact same thing that Dumbledore always did, and Harry didn't want to be like Dumbledore because that was just a scary thought.

Harry thought back more on what had happened yesterday after class, then he realized it. Snape had said Remus not Lupin. Harry realized that that had to be a clue about what Snape was hiding, but what could it mean? Harry knew from previous experiences that Snape always called Remus by his last name, so why did he stop?

Harry sighed; he was becoming confused. He really wanted to get to the bottom of Snape's strange behavior, but he didn't know how. He didn't even know why he was curious about it, he just was. It didn't make any sense to him, what was it to him if Snape was acting weird? And what was it to him if Snape had a secret that he didn't want anyone else to know about?

Looking at his watch, Harry noticed that he had ten minutes until he had to be at Snape's office. He stood up and left the boys' dormitory, and started to make his way down to the dungeons. Harry only hoped that Snape wouldn't be as hard on him as he was last year.

Then it hit him; he could use Snape's sudden niceness to his advantage. Harry figured that he could probably ask Snape anything and Snape would answer. Harry did feel slightly bad from taking advantage of Snape like that, but when life gives you lemons make lemonade, or so the old muggle saying goes. _'Maybe,'_ Harry thought. _'I could make some kinda truce with him, and use that to my advantage too, at least I wont feel so bad about asking him everything,'_

When Harry looked up, he realized that he was standing in front of Snape's office. He cursed under his breath, next time he was going to pay attention to where he was walking because he knew that he could be walking outside one day, not paying attention to where he was going, and wind up getting lost or something.

Taking a deep breath, Harry walked into Snape's office. It was time to put his somewhat manipulative plans into action. Harry closed the door behind him; he saw Snape sitting at his desk, from what Harry could see it looked like he was marking papers. Harry walked over and sat in the chair in front of Snape's desk.

"Good, you're here on time," Snape said looking up from the papers he was grading. "Ready to start?"

"Yea," Harry said, standing up and moving to the other side of the room.

"Right, you know how it's done," Snape said as he stood up and moved to stand beside his desk. "On the count of three…one – two – three – _Legilimens!_"

He was nine, his uncle was hitting him repeatedly with a leather belt…he was thirteen, his uncle was hitting him and cutting his legs with a sharp knife…he was four, his uncle just pushed him down the stairs. His uncle went down the stairs and started kicking him in the stomach and the head…he was fifteen, he was sitting on his bed with –

"NO!" Harry yelled, he was on all fours on the ground, panting.

"Harry…" Snape said softly.

"Don't, I'm ready to try again," Harry said, standing up.

"Remember, repel me with your mind. Now. _Legilimens!_"

He was fourteen, he was sitting at the park near the Dursley's having a cigarette…he was one, Voldemort had just killed his father and was advancing on him and his mother, Voldemort killed his mother and had just tried to kill him…he was fifteen, he was watching Sirius fall threw the Veil…he was fifteen, he was dreaming about everyone blaming him for their deaths…he was sixteen, he was in the Astronomy Tower having a cigarette and looking at his –

"NO!" Harry shouted again.

"Harry…" Snape said as he started to walk towards the raven-haired boy.

"Stay away!" Harry said as he stood up. "Again."

"Harry…ready? _Legilimens!_"

He was three, his uncle had just threw a glass at him and it broke over his head…he was sixteen, he was talking to Remus on the train…he was seven, Dudley was beating him while the rest of his gang held him down…he was fourteen, his uncle was just about to –

"Enough!" Harry shouted. This time he was still standing.

"Harry, I think that that's enough for one night," Snape said.

"No, just one more time, I know I can do it," Harry said, his voice was a little shaky.

"Fine, once more. _Legilimens!_"

He was fourteen; was just about to steal something from his uncle's shed.

"No!" Harry said. He threw off the curse; he was still standing.

"Better, Potter, I only got to see one memory," Snape said.

"Shit! That's right, everything I see you do, too. For fuck sake's!" Harry said.

"Language, Potter," Snape said as he moved back over to his chair and sat down.

"I really don't give a shit about my language," Harry said. "Look, I'd better get going, the others are probably going to be worried about me," With that he stood up and walked out of Snape's office.

Harry didn't know where he was going to go, but he knew that he wasn't going back to the Gryffindor Tower; he hated it there. Instead, he let his feet take him somewhere, even thought he was going against what he had said earlier. Harry flicked his wrist and instantly his pack of cigarettes and lighter appeared.

* * *

Severus Snape sat in his private chambers thinking about what he had seen during Harry's Occlumency lesson. The raven-haired boy had been raped. He had been beaten since he was little. His uncle used fists, feet, knives, belts, probably anything he could get his fat hands on. Severus shuddered at the thought of what that poor boy had gone through in his life.

Severus had been nice to the young boy like Remus had said to, but it seemed that the boy was still suspicious, Severus couldn't blame him, though. If the meanest teacher suddenly started being nice to him, he would probably be suspicious, too.

Severus felt sorry for Harry, but he knew that the young man didn't want any pity or sympathy. Even though the raven-haired boy and Severus never really got along, Severus felt the need to help him because as a child, Severus had gone through some of the same things as Harry. He felt a pang in his heart knowing that Harry had gone through those things and was probably still going through them. Severus had a feeling that Granger and Weasley weren't really what they seemed, and that they weren't helping Harry out in the slightest bit.

Sighing, Severus stood up and left his private chambers, he really needed to talk to Remus to see what he thought about everything. Severus didn't have to walk far, though, because Remus had asked the Headmaster for a room in the dungeons. Severus was surprised when the meddling old man didn't ask any questions. Neither Severus nor Remus had told the Headmaster why Remus wanted a room in the dungeons, but they both had a feeling that the old man already knew, being his typical self, Dumbledore.

Dumbledore; how Severus hated that foolish old man. He was always meddling in things that he ought not to meddle in. The old man could never mind his own business, he always had to know everything that went on around him. Severus knew that when it came to how Dumbledore came to interacting with people, he was no better then the Dark Lord, they were both very manipulative. Severus knew that Dumbledore thought that he had him wrapped around his old wrinkled finger, but for once, it was the other way around. Severus made Dumbledore think that he was able to make anyone do whatever he wanted, but that was Severus' way of manipulating the old man.

Also, Severus didn't have a doubt in his mind that Harry had already figured out Dumbledore's plans to use him to defeat the Dark Lord and then leave him all alone after that. Anyone that could see through Dumbledore would have figured that out in a heart beat. Hell, even Remus knew that Dumbledore was no better then the Dark Lord.

Remus liked Dumbledore as much as he liked the Dark Lord, not at all. Severus knew that Remus trusted the foolish old man as far as he could through him. So, take away Remus' unnatural strength, add Dumbledore's height and weight divide by Remus' height and weight, that's not very far.

Severus sighed; he had reached the door that lead to Remus' private chambers. He knocked twice and waited for Remus to give him a sign that it was fine to enter. He didn't have to wait long though.

"Enter," He heard Remus say.

"You sound like me," Severus said.

"Severus!" Remus said as he stood up from his desk. "How did your lesson with Harry go?"

"Not well," Severus said.

"Oh no! What did you do?" Remus asked accusingly.

"I didn't do anything, it's what I saw. He knows I saw everything he did, and I don't think anyone even knows what he has gone through, I don't think that he wants anyone to even know what he's gone through," Severus said.

"Well, come, let's sit down and you can tell me everything you saw," Remus said as he took Severus' hand and led him to the couch in the other room, they both sat down. "Do you want a drink before you start?"

"What's the strongest thing you have?" Severus asked seriously. Remus only chuckled as he let go of Severus' hand, stood up and went to get the drinks.

"Here," Remus said as he handed Severus a drink and sat down next to him. "Now tell me everything that you saw."

Severus told Remus exactly what he saw, making sure not to miss anything. The two sat in silence, thinking, for a moment, until Remus broke it when he spoke.

"That's so awful, Severus," Remus said, he had grown quite pale throughout the time Severus was speaking.

"I know," Severus said as he took a sip of his drink.

"Are you sure that he was–" Remus asked, his voice a little shaky.

"Remus!" Severus said.

"Sorry, it's just that I don't want to believe something like that happened to him, you know?" Remus said as he intertwined his fingers with Severus'.

"I know. As much as I claimed to hate him before, I never really did, he was James' son for fuck sake's. Sure, James and I never got along in the beginning, but in the end were we like the best of friends," Severus said as he rested his head on Remus' shoulder.

"I know, and the only one that didn't accept you was Sirius," Remus with a sad look on his face. "Did you know that after you two became friends he was always talking about you?"

"Really?" Severus asked.

"Yes and it drove Sirius nuts," Remus said with a small laugh.

"I don't doubt it," Severus said. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Severus spoke again. "Remus."

"Yea?"

"Don't tell anyone about Harry, I think he'll tell people when he's ready," Severus said.

"Don't worry, I won't," Remus said.

"And don't mention to Harry that you know, I'm still trying to gain his trust and everything. You know as well as I do that it's going to be hard, seeing as I've been an ass to him for the last five years. And, I've got to do it without the Slytherin's knowing," Severus said.

"Yea I know, and I won't mention anything, so quit worrying," Remus said.

* * *

Harry wasn't sure where he was going; he just let his feet guide him. When he looked up, he realized that his feet had led him to the lake. Harry sighed; he walked over to the nearest tree and sat down, leaning his back against the trunk. He took a cigarette from his pack and lit it; he took a long drag and exhaled slowly. At the moment, Harry regretted asking Snape if he would teach him Occlumency again. He wanted to learn Occlumency, but he didn't want to remember his past in order to do so. He sighed, why did life have to be so complicated? He already knew the answer to that, because he was the Boy-Who-Lived. Even if for a little while, Harry wished that he could have a normal life and let someone else worry about what Voldemort was planning to do next.

Taking another long drag of his cigarette, Harry stood up and started to walk around the lake. Voldemort, he was the one that gave Harry such an awful life. If he had heard the entire Prophecy, then maybe it would have been Neville that had to deal with everything. Sometimes Harry wondered what it would be like if Neville was the one Voldemort had chosen. Harry knew that he wouldn't have any friends because they would all be with Neville trying to get some limelight. He knew that he would probably still have a bad home life. Harry sighed; he knew that he would still have an awful life, of course, that's the way that he saw it because he had a tendency to look on the negative side of things. In short, he was a pessimist.

Harry continued to walk around the lake, taking a drag of his cigarette, he sighed, he tried to image what the good things would be if he wasn't the Boy-Who-Lived. He would still have his mother and father, he wouldn't have Dumbledore meddling in his life, he would have real friends, he wouldn't have to worry about what Voldemort was planning to do next, he wouldn't have to worry about figuring out a way do defeat Voldemort. For the most part, he would be a happy teenager with a somewhat normal life.

A sharp pain in his stomach followed by a loud, long growl brought Harry back from the first happy thoughts he had had in a long time. Harry took a long drag of his cigarette and sighed, his stomach growled again, he put his hands on his stomach; it hurt so much. He hadn't eaten since he had had that piece for bread when he arrived at school, and he was hungry. Before that piece of bread, Harry hadn't had anything to eat for almost two weeks.

Ever since the beginning of the summer, Harry had only had one whole meal, and that was at the leaving feast and the end of last year. After the leaving feast until the present moment, Harry had only eaten four pieces of bread. He knew that most people would say that he had a Muggle eating disorder called Anorexia Nervosa. He did think of it like that, though, he thought of it more like, if he didn't eat then he was cleansing his body of sin; that was how he forgave himself for everything that he had done wrong. Every two weeks or so Harry would eat something, nothing big, though, a slice of bread or a few crackers, just to make sure that his body had enough energy to work with.

At first, Harry had stopped eating altogether, but he found out the hard way that doing that wasn't the best idea. So, he decided that he would slowly wean himself from food. He started out by only eating something like a piece of bread or a few crackers every other day. After about a month he would eat something every third day, after another month it was every fourth day. Another month, every fifth day, another month, every sixth day, another month, every seventh day, and so on and so forth. Now, he would only eat something every two weeks.

Harry took another long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly, now that he was eating every second week, he did plan on going any longer than that without food.

Harry had stopped eat after Cedric had died and he returned back to the Dursley's for the summer, he had fallen into a state of depression. It was about a week after he started to cut, he had just finished taking a shower and he looked in the mirror. Everyone had always told him that he was so skinny, but when he looked in the mirror, he thought that they were all wrong. In his own mind, he looked fat; that was when he had stopped eating altogether. Of course, that hadn't worked out so good for him. He had lied awake one night with a sharp pain that kept shooting through his stomach, he had gone almost five days without eating anything, and it hurt. He had tried drinking water to tame the pain, even if was only for a short while, but the water only made the pain worse.

That was when Harry knew that to stop eating altogether wouldn't work; he would have to slowly wean himself from food. So that was what he had done. Before he started to slowly take himself away form food, he had eaten two meals a day for the next week, then he started by only eating something small like a sandwich every other day. Then, after a month, he changed his little schedule slightly, he had started to eat something every third day, but he only ate one piece of bread.

For every month that passed, Harry ate less and less. When Sirius died, though, Harry fell into an even deeper state of depression, and by that time he was only eating once every twelve days. At the leaving feast, Harry knew that he had to eat something because Dumbledore and the rest of the staff had been watching him and because the leaving feast had happened to fall on the day that he could eat something. Harry had planned to only eat something small like an apple, but Hermione had pile a lot of food on his plate. Harry had had no idea was came over him, but when he saw how delicious the food had looked, he had wanted to eat it, and he did. His stomach was sore for a few days afterwards and Harry promised himself that he would never eat that much again.

Harry sighed; he took a long drag of his cigarette and walked back over to the tree that he had been sitting under earlier. He looked at his watch; it was almost seven o'clock. Hermione had given him a new watch for Christmas last year. He knew that his friends only gave him those kinds of things because he was the Boy-Who-Lived and they wanted him to think that they were his real friends, but Harry wasn't as stupid as people had liked to think he was, he saw right through everyone's plans.

Taking one last long drag of his cigarette, Harry threw it away. He knew that he needed to get back to the common room. Even though he knew that Ron and Hermione weren't really his friends, he had to make them think that he thought they were. Sighing, Harry stood up and started to walk back to the castle. It was already quite dark outside, even though it was so early in September; Harry reckoned that it was probably going to rain. Not even a moment after Harry stepped inside, rain started to fall gently from the sky.

Harry walked back to the Gryffindor Tower at a slow pace; he was in no way enthusiastic about returning to that ludicrous place, he hated it there. It was always too loud, it was as if nobody there had ever heard of the word quiet, let alone knew what it meant. Harry could never have any quiet or alone time when he was in the Gryffindor Tower, everyone always bothering him and nobody could take a hint that he wanted to be alone.

Harry was brought back to reality when the portrait of the Fat Lady spoke, "Password?"

"Bleeding Heart," Harry said quietly.

The portrait swung open, loud noises greeted Harry instantly, he swore that one of these days, probably in the not so distant future, he was just going to yell at everyone to be quiet and to stay quiet. Harry sighed; he stepped through the hole in the wall and entered the common room. He looked around the room to see that there were only about ten people there and in the farthest corner he saw Ron and Hermione talking. _'Maybe I can get up to the dormitory without them seeing me,'_ Harry thought as he started to make his way across the common room to the stairs that led up to the boys' dormitory. Harry smirked as he made it to the fifth step without Hermione or Ron seeing him.

"Harry!" someone called.

Harry sighed mentally. _'Well, so much for getting there without being seen,'_ he thought bitterly. Couldn't he ever be left alone? Why did everyone always have to bother him? Harry was starting to become annoyed, all he wanted was to be left alone, but nobody seem to understand that, nobody seemed to care about what he wanted, they only cared about what they wanted.

Nobody had ever seemed to consider the fact that he wasn't fine, that he was only acting like things were alright, nobody cared about what was good for him, nobody cared to ask how he was or anything because they were all too wrapped up in there own lives and they only thought of him as the Boy-Who-Live, someone to defeat Voldemort, nobody ever thought of him as just a normal teenager. Nobody ever thought that maybe he had any problems; nobody ever thought that maybe there was more to him that met the eye. People only cared about his physical condition; they didn't care about his mental and emotional conditions. They only cared about if he could defeat Voldemort, they didn't care if his was mentally and emotionally ready and able to defeat the mad-man.

It was so infuriating the way that people overlooked the fact that he had problems, he was the Boy-Who-Lived, he wasn't supposed to have problems. Also, it infuriated him to no end that nobody could take a hint that he wanted to be left alone for once.

"Hey, guys," Harry said, putting on a fake cheery voice and smile, he was putting his mask on more securely. Even though he wanted people to notice that he wasn't fine, didn't mean that it was going to go around acting like how he felt. No, they would have to figure it out on their own.

"Where were you, Harry? We were starting to get worried," Hermione said as she moved to stand beside Ron.

"I went out," Harry said nonchalantly, they didn't need to know where he was or what he was doing; it was none of their business. He moved around Ron and Hermione and went to sit on the couch near the fire.

"Where did you go, though?" Hermione asked.

"Out," Harry said in a voice that meant that it was the end of the topic.

"Ok, but where were you?" Hermione asked, ignoring the tone of Harry's voice.

"I went out, what does it matter where I went?" Harry asked; he felt his temper rise the slightest bit.

"It matters where you went because we were worried about you, we were starting to think something had happened to you," Hermione said. _'Well, that proves my point,'_ Harry thought angrily.

"You'd be more worried if you couldn't find your homework," Harry snapped.

"Harry! You know that's not true!" Hermione said.

"Whatever, Hermione, just keep telling yourself that, you might start to believe it," Harry said in a cold, sarcastic tone.

"Harry, listen…" Hermione said softly.

"No, Hermione, you listen! I've had enough of you meddling in my fucking life! You can never mind your own goddamn business! I don't have to tell you everything I do!" Harry shouted, by now all the people in the common room were looking at the trio.

"Harry! Don't you dare talk to Hermione like that!" Ron shouted, finally coming into the argument.

"Stay out of this, Ronald! And I'll do whatever the hell I want!" Harry snapped.

"_Don't_ call me that! And I'm _not_ staying out of this!" Ron said defiantly, his ears had started to turn a light red.

"Yea, _Ronald_, you are, this has fuck all to do with you!" Harry in a cold, too calm voice. Harry knew that when he used that tone of voice, Ron knew to back off.

"It has everything to do with me!" Ron shouted; his tinted light red ears started to become redder.

"Oh, that's right, because it involves Hermione," Harry said sarcastically. "I forgot, you'd never pass up the chance to be on Hermione's side!"

"I never said I was on Hermione's side!" Ron shouted.

"I know, but it's obvious that you are! And I really don't give a shit! You're no better then her! You're both always meddling in my life! Neither of you can mind your own fucking business!" Harry shouted back, anger slightly evident in his voice.

"Look, Harry, I know you're having a rough time, but, please, don't take it out on us. I understand what you're going through," Hermione said in a calm voice.

"I'm not having a rough time! I've had enough of people always meddling in my fucking life and not mind there own business! " Harry shouted, now everyone in the Gryffindor Tower was watching the argument that was going on between the Golden Trio.

"I'm not meddling in your life," Hermione said.

"Yea, you are! And you can't mind your own fucking business!" Harry snapped.

"That's not true!" Hermione protested.

"Yea it is, Hermione. I can't go anywhere without _you_ asking where I'm going or where I was! _You_ always have to know what I'm doing!" Harry growled; he was beyond the point of yelling. He usually only yelled when he was angry and he wasn't angry, he was pissed.

"Harry!" Ron shouted.

"Shut the fuck up, Ronald!" Harry hissed through his teeth. Ron was about to say something, but when he saw Harry's angry glare, he thought better of it.

"Harry, please, listen…" Hermione said in a quiet voice.

"No, you listen! I've had enough of you being _incapable_ to mind your own business! _You always have to know everything_!" Harry growled. Then, he added, "Tell me, do you ever get tired of being an insufferable know it all?"

"Har-" Ron started, but Harry shot him a glare, if looks could kill, Ron would be six feet under.

"Harry…please," Hermione said in a very quiet voice, tears had started to weld up in her eyes. "Please, just talk to us, talk to me, tell me what's wrong."

"There's nothing to talk about! Nothing's wrong!" Harry growled; he was too pissed to care that Hermione was about to cry.

"Harry, there's obviously something wrong, or you wouldn't be acting like this," Hermione said as the tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"There's nothing wrong! You know why I'm acting like this! I've said it about five times, but maybe that isn't enough!" Harry snapped.

"Harry please, just tell me what's wrong. Is it about Sirius, is that what's bothering you?" Hermione asked.

"No, its not! Just fuck off and mind your own business for once and stay out of mine!" Harry shouted. After he had said that, he turned around and walked out through the hole in the wall he had walked in moments previous.

He was pissed; Hermione didn't know a thing about what he was going through. She hadn't lived with the Dursley's all her life; she hadn't been treated like a house-elf, she didn't have to worry about defeating Voldemort, she didn't know what it was like to be him, nobody did. Nobody seemed able to see past his fake smiles and stupid lies, to see that deep inside he was hurt and bleeding.

Harry sighed; all he ever wanted was somebody who cared about him, who knew what he was going through, most of all, he wanted somebody to love him for him not because he was the Boy-Who-Lived. He wanted to wake up every morning with someone laying next to him and telling him that they loved him. He wanted someone that would be with him, even after the whole ordeal with Voldemort was finished. He shook his head lightly; he knew that something like that would never happen to him. Harry turned the corner and walked into someone, which caused him to fall.

"Watch where you're going," the person said. Harry quickly scrambled to his feet.

"Sorry," He said, not looking at the person, and then continued to walk.

"You feeling alright, Potter?" the person asked.

"Yea, why" Harry asked as he turned around to see whom he was talking to, Malfoy. "Oh."

"Yea, oh. And what are you doing out after curfew?" Malfoy asked.

"What's it to you?" Harry said in a quiet voice, he didn't want to argue with Malfoy at the moment, he just wanted to be left alone.

"I'm a Prefect," Malfoy said.

"And I care because?" Harry asked, his voice was still quiet.

"You're serving detention with Snape tomorrow night," Malfoy said.

"I really don't fucking give a shit, Malfoy," Harry said.

"Well, you should," Malfoy said.

"Well, I don't," Harry said, looking up, his gaze had been on the ground the entire time he was talking to Malfoy.

"Detention, with Snape tomorrow night at six," Malfoy said. When Harry had looked up, Malfoy had saw the dead look in his eyes, it sent shivers throughout his entire body.

"I'm not going," Harry said as he turned around and walked away. Harry could have sworn that he had heard Malfoy let out a sigh, but summed it up to just being a ghost.

After a few moments of walking, Harry looked up and noticed that he was standing outside the Owlery. Harry sighed; he opened the door and walked in, looking around for Hedwig. He didn't have to look for long, though, because almost as soon as he closed the door, the snowy white owl flew down and landed gracefully on his shoulder.

"Hey girl," he said, Hedwig cooed affectionately.

Harry sighed; he waved his hand and the middle of the Owlery become clean. With Hedwig still on his shoulder, Harry walked over to the place that he had just cleaned and sat down.

Harry waved his hand and his pack of cigarettes and lighter appeared. Taking a cigarette out of his pack, and lit it, he took a long drag and exhaled slowly. He didn't care that he was smoking in the Owlery, it didn't matter to him if someone walked in. As Harry took a few more drags of his cigarette, he started to feel himself slowly calming down. He knew that he was in for a stressful and trying year, he had a feeling that smoking wouldn't always be able to calm him down, he knew that sometimes nothing would calm him down when he was really angry or stressed. Taking another drag of his cigarette, he watched the way the smoke moved when he exhaled.

Then, he got an idea. Flicking his wrist, a quill, inkwell and a piece of parchment appeared in front of him. He put out his cigarette and transfigured the half that he hadn't smoked into a large board. He set the board on his legs and placed the inkwell near the corner of the board and the parchment in the center of it. He flicked his wrist and the lid of the inkwell came off. He picked up his quill, dipped it in the inkwell and started to write.

'_Hey Rage and Sunshine,_

_How's it going? Sorry I haven't written in a while, but shit's been going on. I'm just going to skip the chitchat and get right to the point. Rage, can you get me enough grass and tubes to last me until Christmas? I'll pay you, of course. I just know that I'm really gonna need it this year. A lot of shit is going on right now, and it's awful, I know that smokes wont do much for me in a few weeks. Anyways, I've gotta go, Later._

_Love,_

Pain' 

Harry flicked his wrist and the lid was back on the inkwell. He waved his hand, the inkwell and quill disappeared, the board turned back into a half of a cigarette, and the rolled up and tied to Hedwig's leg. Picking up the cigarette, Harry lit it and took a drag.

"You know where they live, right, girl?" Harry asked the snowy white owl. Hedwig cooed before she took off to deliver Harry's letter.

* * *

OMG! I'm sooooo sorry I'm like five days late! I've been a bad, bad girl…I hade skipped for two weeks and I finally went to school and I had sooooo much work to do…though its all easy…and then when I had finished it all…Thursday night…I went and got stoned…I was stoned almost all weekend…but I had most of the chapter done…but then my grandmother hooked up her laptop n the internet wouldn't work in my room, she fought with it for a few days before she hooked up her old computer.

When I didn't have the internet, I copied out what I had done of the story, cause I was going to type it all out at school, but anyways, I noticed that I make a lot of mistakes…but…because I was soo late updating…I made this chapter a little longer then usual. Usually I have about 7 or 8 pages…but this chapter has 11.

Lol…anyways…I'm going to try and have the next chapter out by Monday…at the latest. And…you all have the right to yell at me for being so late…lol…now…

I'd like to thank all my WONDERFUL reviewers!

**Laurina Lalaithe:** (Chapter 4) Thanks for the tip…I'll keep that in mind. I tried using different words in this chapter…lol…tell me if I did a good job this time…lol, anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

**Crying these bloody tears:** I was on anti-depressants for a bit…but I ended up being allergic to it…thank god…lol. Of course Harry his going to be getting with someone in this story. And he will be gay! lol, thanks for the compliments, and the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter too.

**Plotbunnybrat:** I think so too…lol, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**FroBoy:** lol…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Myniephoenix: **lmao…yup, go Harry. Anywayz…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Frostyhogwarts: **Thanks, and of course there will be a friendship between Harry and Draco. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Elektra107: **Thanks. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Just-think-of-a-stupid-name-and-that's-me:** lol…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**WrittenWords:** hehe…look I haven't said lol or lmao at the beginning of every response…lol…but I don't think that I'll be able to keep it up forever…lol…anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Jujube15: **Thanks, I think that there might be a friendship…I'm not completely sure yet…lol…but one thing at a time first…lol…I'll work on them becoming civil…then move to friendship. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Mybloodyenigma: **Thanks. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**IcyHotTears:** Thanks, I'm glad you can relate to my story. lol…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Emeralddragon:** Thanks. Yup, Harry and Snape are gonna start to get along…soon…I hope…lol. And don't worry, I have no intention to make Harry have to take out his piercings. Thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

**Curious Shadow:** Thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

**DarkerHeart:** lmao…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Lavinia:** lol…thanks. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Hittocerebattosai:** Thanks…lol…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**Hermione1208:** Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Kristin:** Yea, I've got a few ideas why he could be resorted…but I need to fine tune them…lol…anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review.

**The Dark's Desire:** lmao…yea I no, sometimes I freak myself out with the things that I come up with…but that part had to be done…lol…thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.

Anyways…who figured out what Snape's secret was? Lmao…if someone didn't…I'm shocked…lmao. Oh yea, grass is weed and tubes is ecstasy…that's what everyone calls it at my school…lol…I got suspended today…so tomorrow I have all day…I might even be able to have the next chapter up by Sunday…I hope…oh and for those of you who watch Queer As Folk, you should know who rage and sunshine are...lmao…anywayz…until next chapter! Byebyez!

-Wykked As Syn


	9. Replies, Flashbacks, and Waking Harry

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through that exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other (drugs in this chapter)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

**PLEASE READ, IT MAY HELP YOU UNDERSTAND THE THINGS WITH RAGE AND SUNSHINE A LITTLE BETTER!**

**Note 2** Rage's name is Brian Kinney and Sunshine's name is Justin Taylor. They are from Queer As Folk. For those of you that watch the show, you should already know that. Lol. I doubt that I will have them actually show up in person, but I will have Harry mailing them and stuff. Also, when I right this chapter, I'm going to be referring to them as Brian and Justin, not Rage and Sunshine, lol, that's just obvious though. Also, for those of you who watch the show Debbie gave Harry his nickname (I'm too lazy to work that into the story, lol).

* * *

**Chapter 9: Replies, Flashbacks, and Waking Harry**

It was Monday night; Harry was sitting in the Astronomy Tower having a cigarette. It had been three days since he had written to Brian and Justin and he hadn't received their reply yet. He wasn't worried, though, because he knew that he would get it by tomorrow at the latest.

Harry had meet Brian and Justin at a gay bar called Babylon in Knockturn Alley this summer while he was staying at the Leaky Cauldron with Malfoy. Brian and Justin both knew who Harry really was and they didn't care, they like him for him, not because he was famous, Harry could tell that just by the way that they acted around him, they acted the same as they did around everyone else.

Over the summer break the three had hung out all the time, they were practically inseparable. Harry remembered the way that he felt when he had hung out with them, he didn't feel lonely or depressed, he felt like a normal teenage boy just looking to get laid. Over the summer, Harry had done some, for lack of better word, experiments with guys and girls. He had had sex with both genders; he had found that he had like guys more then girls, but he still liked girls. It was amusing when he had told Brian and Justin because Brian started flirting with him and Justin had gotten extremely jealous. In the end, though, Justin's jealously faded when Harry refused to do anything with Brian.

When the end of the summer neared, it was Justin's idea to write to each other and use nicknames incase the letters were intercepted, that way nobody would know who was who. Harry knew that he hadn't known Brian and Justin long enough to ask for any kind of drugs, but he was, in a way, desperate for them.

Harry took a long drag of his cigarette and started going over what had happened that day, it was somewhat difficult to process even though it was something so small.

---------------------------------------------------------------------Flashback----------------------------------------------------------------------

_Harry was sitting in the Potions classroom waiting for the bell to ring and class to start. He didn't have to wait long, though, because a few moments later the bell rang and students started filing in, followed by Snape, whose robes where billowing behind him. Snape had stood in front of his desk, leaning on it, as he explained what it was the class would be doing that day, taking notes._

_Snape waved his wand and the notes appeared on four different boards. Harry sighed as he took out a piece of parchment and quill; he knew that it was going to be a long class. He looked up at the board, the writing on it was so small, and then an idea struck him. He looked around to make sure nobody was watching him, then he flicked his wrist and, instantly, the writing on the board was copied onto his parchment._

_Harry leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes and began to think about anything that came to his mind. Unfortunately, it was Dumbledore. The meddling old fool that could never mind his own business, especially when it came to Harry. He was a manipulative bastard and that was that; nothing would ever make Harry think differently._

_Trying to think of something else, Harry was coming up with blanks. He didn't want to think of Dumbledore at the moment, he didn't want to think about the crazy old bastard at all. Harry was interrupted from trying to think of something else when Snape spoke._

"_Potter, get to work,"_

"_I'm finished," Harry said emotionlessly. _

"_Impossible, you can't write that fast," Snape said, walking over to him. "If you used magic to copy it all down, I'll know."_

_It was true, if someone were to use magic to copy something down like Harry did, it would leave detectable traces. Of course, Harry had already known that. His wandless magic abilities were strong enough that he needn't worry about his magic leaving traces._

"_He didn't use any magic, sir, I saw him copy it all down," Harry had heard Malfoy say._

"_Are you sure, Mister Malfoy?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow._

"_Yes,"_

---------------------------------------------------------------------------End of Flashback-------------------------------------------------------

Why had Malfoy lied to Snape like that? More importantly, why did Malfoy even defend him? Those two questions had bothered Harry all day. Harry couldn't understand why Malfoy had defended him when he could of gotten him in trouble. Was Malfoy playing some game with his mind, trying to make Harry lower his defenses so that he was an easier target? Harry didn't know anymore, this year, so far, was weird enough. He didn't want Malfoy making things weirder, though he had already done that.

Taking a long drag of his cigarette, Harry threw it out the window. He watched the red light fall until he couldn't see it anymore. Harry knew that this year was going to be eventful, but he when thought eventful; he didn't think anything like along the line of what was happening so far. Things seemed to get weirder and weirder. First, Remus was teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts again, and he had been acting a little strange, Harry had noticed. Second, Snape was nice to him, and even agreed to give him Occlumency lessons with being an asshole about it. And third, Malfoy had defended him against Snape.

Sighing, he now knew, that he was in for one hell of a year. Usually at the beginning of the year, the things that happen were the least unusual things. So, that meant that this year, many more strange and unusual things were going to happen, Remus, Snape and Malfoy would be the least of his problems. Sure, everything that happened at Hogwarts was strange and unusual, but that had become normal.

Harry was interrupted from his thoughts when he looked up at the sky and saw a black moving dot. It seemed like it was coming closer and closer to Harry. Finally, the black dot started to take form; it was Hedwig. Soon, Hedwig landed gracefully next to Harry and cooed happily, holding out her leg for Harry. Harry untied the parcel and note that was attached to her and pet her on the head. Hedwig cooed and looked at him, Harry smiled and flicked his wrist; a few owl treats appeared in front of Hedwig. Harry opened the note, it read:

'_Hey Pain,_

_Always have to get right do the point, don't you? Anyways, don't worry about paying me; think of it as an early Christmas and birthday present. There's enough there to last you until the end of the year, of course. I know that you probably didn't want to have to roll some up, so I did half of them for you, well, Sunshine helped. Just don't except anything from me for Christmas or your birthday. But, knowing my luck, Sunshine'll talk me into getting something for you._

_Anyways, It's Sunshine now, Rage is right, I'll probably talk him into getting you something. You know, sometimes I'm glad that we are wizards, or it would have taken us much longer to roll up half of what we gave you. But yea, we've gotta go, Debbie's yelling at us, well Rage more so then I, for something or another. Talk to you later, kid. Take care and write soon._

_Love always,_

_Rage and Sunshine'_

Harry chuckled; Debbie was always yelling at Brian for one thing or another. It was quite amusing watching a grown man cower at a woman half his size and almost twice his age. But, Debbie had that affect on people. Sighing, Harry looked at the parcel Brian and Justin had sent to him, he couldn't believe that they had sent him enough to last until the end of the year. He flicked his wrist and the parcel returned to its normal size. Opening it, Harry saw that it was divided into three sections. Harry reckon that Brian put everything in unceremoniously and Justin made him organize it, that was just Justin though, he like everything organized.

Looking back at the box, Harry reached into the middle section and pulled out a clear, plastic bag. He opened it and pulled out a joint. Harry jumped slightly when he heard the clock chime at the back of the school; it was ten o'clock. Smirking at his stupidity, Harry put the joint in his mouth and lit it. He took a drag and inhaled, holding it in for a longer period of time that a cigarette before he exhaled. He did this a few more times before he started to feel the affects of the drug.

His mind had become foggy and every emotion that he had felt prior to using the drug had vanished, he felt carefree and happy like nothing could spoil his mood. Depending on how much of the drug he did, nothing would be able to affect his joyous mood. Of course, if he started to think about things in a logical sense, then he would spoil his own mood, it wouldn't matter how much of the drug he had done prior to think about things.

Harry took a long drag of the joint and held it in until he felt himself getting light-headed because he couldn't breathe, then he exhaled slowly. He did that a few more times before the drug started to take full affect, and he was only half done the joint. Harry knew that he if smoked the rest of the joint he would be, for lack of an appropriate word, fucked up for the rest of the night and when he woke up, though, that would only last a few hours. He didn't care, he was in a deep state of depression that he would to anything to make all the pain and hurt disappear, even if that meant that he had to turn to drugs. Harry took a long drag and held it in until he became light-headed because he needed to breath before he exhaled.

Harry watched the smoke move and started to giggle, it was amusing to watch, especially when you couldn't see straight. Harry continued to take long drags of the joint and hold it in until he became light-headed, until he had finished the joint. By the time he threw the joint out of the window, he had a goofy smile on his face; he knew that he would be, again, for lack of an appropriate word, fucked out of his mind for the rest of the night and well into the morning. Considering how much drugs he had had, Harry flicked his wrist and the box folded up and shrunk back down to the size that it had arrived in. Harry smirked at the great job he did, before he started to giggle. He grabbed the miniature box and put it in his pocket before he grabbed his pack of cigarettes and took on out of the pack. He lit it and took a long drag.

As he had his cigarette, Harry watched the smoke from it move and curl, causing him to giggle uncontrollably. Harry quickly finished his cigarette before he started his trek back to the Gryffindor Tower. Of course, that wasn't an easy task considering the state that he was in. He had made it to the bottom of the Astronomy Tower on wobbly legs; they were weak because he couldn't stop giggling. By the time he was halfway back to Gryffindor Tower, he had leaned against a wall to support himself but ended up sliding down into a sitting position, giggling.

The flames from the torches on the wall made moving shadows, which caused Harry to giggle uncontrollably. Harry tried to suppress his giggles when he heard footsteps coming toward him, but it was no use, he couldn't stop himself. He knew that he was busted when he heard the person speak.

"Potter? What are you doing out past curfew?"

Harry looked up at the person with a wide smile on his face, he didn't care who he was dealing with, he was too stoned to care that Snape might figure out that he was stoned or give him a detention. Snape looked down at Harry with a raised eyebrow, a look that everyone knew needed to be answered, but Harry didn't answer it, he just stared up at Snape, smiling.

"Answer me, Potter," Snape said sternly.

"What was the question again?" Harry asked slowly, tilting his head the side.

"Follow me, Potter," Snape said.

* * *

Remus Lupin was sitting on a couch in front of the fire in Severus's private quarters, waiting for Severus to return from his nightly rounds. Remus sighed as he stood up and walked over to Severus's desk. Severus and he had been marking essays before it was time for Severus to start his nightly rounds. Grabbing the essays that he had been marking, Remus walked back over to the living room and sat down at the coffee table that was in the center it. He placed down the essays and flicked his wrist, a quill and inkwell appeared and he began to finish marking the essays. 

Not even five minutes after Remus started marking, the door to Severus's private quarters opened and Harry walked in, followed closely by Severus. Remus could tell, just by looking at Harry, that something wasn't right. Harry had a goofy look on his face, and he couldn't walk straight. Remus had a vague idea what was wrong with the raven-haired boy, when he looked at Severus and Harry giggled, his idea became less vague. To confirm his theory, Remus raised an eyebrow at Severus and shifted his eyes to Harry then back to Severus. When Severus shrugged his shoulders, Remus sighed.

"Harry, come and sit down," Remus said; causing Harry to jump slightly, then giggle. Harry obeyed, though, and walked over to Remus and sat down on the couch. Severus followed and sat down next to Remus on the floor.

"Harry, why were you out after curfew?" Severus asked. As much as he acted like he hated Harry in public, he didn't. He had to act the way that he did to keep up appearances, like calling him Potter instead of Harry, even if the were in public and nobody was around he would, one could never be to sure of what was lurking round the corner.

"I was," Harry said, tilting his head to the side. His eyes widened as he gasped. "I don't know," He said incredulously.

Severus sighed and Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, they were in for a long night. They both had ideas of what was wrong with Harry, but one incredibly vague idea stood out from all the rest. Remus and Severus looked at each other; they were both thinking the same thing. Severus nodded and Remus smirked.

"Harry, what were you doing before Severus found out?" Remus asked, hoping to get some sort of answer to prove his and Severus's theory incorrect.

"I was heading back to the Gryffindor Tower," Harry said slowly, tilting his head to the other side, staring into the fire with a zoned out look on his face.

"And, what were you doing before that?" Remus asked.

"I…can't tell you," Harry answered, raising his eyebrows.

"Okay, we won't make you tell us," Severus said. He looked at Remus, whom nodded.

Severus snapped his fingers in front of Harry's face, causing the young boy to start twitching and giggling uncontrollably, which proved Remus and Severus's theory correct. The two older men sighed; they weren't going to do anything, because they knew that this was Harry's way of dealing with stuff. The thing was, they wanted to know what exactly he was trying to deal with, they wanted the raven-haired boy to talk to them, to trust them. The only thing was, they didn't know how to do so. Sighing, he looked at each other and nodded, it was a mutual agreement that Harry would stay with them until the affect of the drug wore off.

* * *

Draco Malfoy was sitting in his bed in his private quarters, with blood slowly running down his wrist. He had dreamed again, about his father and the things he had subjected Draco to. He still hadn't asked his godfather for a Dreamless Sleep Potion. Draco leaned his head bad against his headboard and closed his eyes; it hadn't been such a smart idea, though, because as soon as he eyelids closed, he saw flashbacks of what he had been subjected to as a young boy. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------Flashback----------------------------------------------------------------------

_Draco was fourteen-years-old, he was sitting on his bed, silent tears running down his face as his father yelled at him from the hallway. Yelling that he was useless and stupid, that he was pathetic and a mistake, that he hadn't meant for Narcissa to become pregnant._

"_Fuck off!" Draco yelled. He couldn't take hearing all the things that Lucius was saying, he knew that they weren't true, but with Lucius yelling those things to him constantly, he began to wonder if they were, in fact, true._

_Draco had instantly regretted saying that to his father because as soon as those two words had left his mouth, Lucius had came into the room. Draco quickly moved to the corner of his bed and curled up into the fetal position, but that hadn't stopped Lucius from getting to him. Lucius grabbed Draco by the arm and pulled him forward, causing the young blonde to land on his stomach. Before Draco knew exactly what had happened, it took all his self-control not to scream out in pain, his father had hit him across the back with a leather belt._

_After Draco had been hit, he moved back to the corner in the fetal position again. His father crawled across the bed to Draco and raised his hand, Draco's first reaction the to cover his head. His father's hand came down and hit him in the ear; Draco heard a ringing noise. Lucius raised his hand again and punch Draco in the leg; it took a lot for Draco not to scream out in agony._

'_Stop it!" Draco shouted. _

_That had been a huge mistake, next second Draco found himself pinned up against the wall by the collar of his shirt, feet a few inches from the ground. He didn't have time to brace himself for what was to come next; his father slapped him across the face._

"_Give me one good reason why I shouldn't put you through the wall," Lucius spat._

_Lucius then dropped Draco and kicked him in the hip before he left the room, laughing at the pain he had caused him only son._

-----------------------------------------------------------------End of Flashback-----------------------------------------------------------------

Draco opened his eyes, silent tears rolling down his pale cheeks; he hated his father for everything that he had put Draco through. In Draco's opinion, nobody should have to go through what he did, he shouldn't have had to go through that. Draco shook his head to rid it of thoughts about his father.

Draco leaned forward and looked at his arm, it was still bleeding slightly. Draco grabbed his knife that was beside him; he put the tip of it to his wrist, pressed down hard and slowly dragged it across his wrist. The skin slip open wide and it took a few seconds for the blood to start coming out, when it did, though, it gushed. Draco reeled in the blissful numbness that he felt, he heart stopped aching and his mind was blank. He started transfixed as the blood gushed out of the open mark in his arm.

The corner of his vision was starting to become blurry, but he didn't care. The more that he was away from the real world, the better. Though, he was haunted but his father and everything else even when he was in his own world, the only place where he was alone was trespassed by the real world. Draco felt himself become light-headed and his vision was becoming even blurrier. Soon everything went black and Draco was in his own world, which was, for once, not trespassed by anyone.

* * *

It had been two months he had received his letter from Brian and Justin, Harry had been allowed his Quidditch privileges back and he had become Gryffindor's seeker again. The only reason he had accepted to take the position was because he loved the game and he loved flying. Also, it had been two months since the incident with Snape and Remus, things between the three didn't exactly become awkward, just a bit tense at times. Harry had a feeling that the two adults had been monitoring him, watching what he was doing whenever they had the chance. Usually, when Harry had a feeling about something, it was right, so he had been careful when he did things, very careful. 

Two things about that night still bothered him though. The first thing was, why didn't the ask if he had any more drugs on him or try and take what he had on him away from him? Maybe they reckoned that he didn't have anymore? Harry highly doubted that idea, he _knew_ that they knew he had some on him. But, why didn't they take it? Why didn't they give him a detention or take any points from him? Where they both playing some sick joke on him? Where they trying to make him trust them and want to go to them if something were wrong? Harry reckoned that they were playing some sick joke on him, or at least waiting until his did something worse. But, Harry knew that the two old men could have had him expelled for the possession of drugs and being under the influence of them. Harry could understand Remus not doing anything, but Snape. What was Snape up to, from what Harry knew about the Potions Master, he would have jumped at the opportunity to get Harry expelled.

The second thing was, why was Remus in Snape's private quarters? Ever since Remus had returned to Hogwarts for the second time to teach, the Potions Master and he had been acting unusually strange. What was up with them? Harry had also noticed that whenever he looked at the Marauder's Map that Snape was either in Remus's private quarters or Remus was in Snape's private quarters. Maybe they were planning something, some way to get Harry into trouble. Harry doubted that because when he looked on the map the two seemed to be unusually close to each other. But, didn't they hate each other? Well, didn't Snape hate Remus? Why would Snape _willingly_ be close to Remus? There were so many possibilities to both of the things that had been bothering Harry for almost two months.

Harry was brought back from his thoughts when the bell rang, signaling that classes were over for the day. Harry sighed as he stood up, it was Friday and he had a feeling that it wasn't going to be a pleasant evening. Grabbing his bag, Harry walked out of the classroom, ignoring Ron and Hermione, who were calling after him. He quickened his pace, trying to lose the two annoying people. Couldn't they take a hint? Harry sighed when they finally caught up with him.

"Harry," Ron said. "Didn't you hear us calling you, mate?"

"No, sorry guys," Harry lied.

"Oh, well, there's a Hogsmeade trip tomorrow, are you gonna go?" Ron asked.

"I dunno, probably not," Harry said as he turned the corner. _'Can't they take a fucking hint?'_

"You should come," Hermione said.

"Why? There's nothing to do there," Harry said. He had a feeling that if he didn't go that the other two would reckon that something was up. He figured that he might as well refuse for a while before agreeing.

"Sure, there is," Ron said.

"Yea, like what?" Harry said coldly as he started to walk towards the dungeon, he had Occlumency with Snape as soon as classes ended.

"Like, loads of stuff," Ron said.

"Harry, why are we going to the dungeons?" Hermione asked as she stopped walking.

"_We_ aren't going to the dungeons, I am," Harry said coldly as he rounded the corner.

Harry stopped for a moment to see if Ron and Hermione were following him, he sighed in relieve when he heard their retreating footsteps. As Harry walked down to Snape's office, he cleared his mind of all thoughts, which was hard considering the fact that he had so many things running threw his mind. Like always, though, Harry managed to clear his mind of all thoughts by the time that he reached Snape's office.

He didn't bother knocking when before he entered; he just walked in. Harry tried not to smirk at the sight before him, Remus had been leaning over Snape's shoulder with his hair covering most of his face and Snape seemed to be laughing softly at something. When the two adults had heard the door open, they jumped away from each other.

"Harry, have you ever heard of knocking?" Remus asked, his cheeks tinted pink, though, it wasn't noticeable until one looked closely.

"Yes, we could have been-" Snape ever had the chance to finish his sentence because Remus put his hand over the potions masters' mouth. Harry raised an eyebrow, now he was intrigued.

"Never mind, the point is, next time knock," Remus said as he took his hand away from Snape's mouth and wiped it on his robes. From Harry's point of view, it looked like Snape _licked_ Remus's hand.

"Okay, are you going to be here for the lesson, sir?" Harry asked politely.

"If you want me to," Remus said.

"Doesn't matter to me," Harry said.

"Okay, Harry, are you ready to start?" Snape asked as he stood up and walked in front of his desk. Remus sat down in Snape's chair.

"Yes, sir," Harry said as he quickly tried to clear his mind.

"On my mark…one – two – three. _Legilimens!_ " Snape said.

_Harry was in the Gryffindor Tower arguing with Ron and Hermione…He had just arrived at Platform 9 ¾ and had just met up with Ron and Hermione. The three walked onto the train and Ron and Hermione started to yell at Harry…Harry was sixteen, he was at the bar with –_

"No," Harry said.

"Better, only three memories," Snape said. "Ready? Okay, _Legilimens!_"

Harry could feel Snape trying to enter his mind, but he had a strong feeling that the first memory that Snape would see would be of him and his razorblade. Harry tried as hard as he could to stop Snape from entering his mind, after what seem like hours, though; Harry managed to throw Snape off completely.

"That was great, Harry," Snape said, he looked a little shocked and slightly tired. Harry reckoned that he took Snape just as much energy to try and enter Harry's mind as it did for Harry to throw Snape off.

"How about a ten minute break? After the experience, I reckon you both could us some tea," Remus said as he waved his hand and a tea set appeared on the desk in front of him.

"Fine," Snape said as he waved his wand and conjured up two comfortable looking chairs.

Snape sat down in one of the chairs and motioned for Harry to come over and sit in the other, Harry obeyed. Remus had Snape and Harry a cup of tea and they both accepted, saying their thanks. The three sat in silence for a moment drinking their tea before Remus spoke.

"So, what's going on between you, Ron and Hermione?" the lycanthrope asked.

"Nothing," Harry said stiffly. Snape and Remus didn't need to know anything that was going on between him and his so-called friends. "Let's get back to the lesson."

"Harry, you've barely touched your tea," Snape said.

"I don't care, Snape, I want to continue the lesson," Harry said emotionlessly.

"Fine, but, call me Severus," the potions master said.

"Fine," Harry said as he stood up and took his position at the other end of the office.

"On the count of three…one – two – three. _Legilimens!_"

_Harry was in the hotel room with two men and Malfoy had just walked out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel…Harry was in the backroom of Babylon with some guy…Harry was five, he was crying because he hadn't eaten in 7 days and his uncle was laughing at him and teasing him…Harry was sixteen, it was dark and the only light was coming through a barred window, and there was a beautiful song playing in the background. Harry was just about to look down at something –_

"Enough!" Harry shouted.

"What happened, Harry? You went from throwing Severus off to four memories," Remus said.

"Wait…you can see them, too?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Remus answered.

"Joy," Harry said sarcastically.

"Harry, can I ask you something about your memories?" Severus asked.

"Depends what it is," Harry said coldly. He didn't like people asking him about personal stuff, but he reckoned that it would be better if he say maybe and then choose not to answer afterward.

"What were doing in the same room as Draco?" Severus asked. Harry reckoned that that wasn't too much of a person question seeing as the fact that Malfoy was there and he was with Brian and Justin.

"Well, as you know, I ran away from the Dursley's this summer. I had rented a hotel room for the rest of the summer and it happened to be the only room available. Needless to say, I had to share it with Malfoy," Harry said simply.

"Fair enough reason," Severus said. "I think that that's enough for today,"

"Fine," Harry said.

* * *

It was Saturday morning and Harry was awoken from a, for once, peaceful sleep by the light that was shining into his bed. Harry rolled over onto his side away from the light and pulled the blanket over his head. He wasn't a morning person, especially since he had been up all night finishing his homework. The blankets had been pulled off of him and he shivered slightly before he curled into a ball and grabbed a pillow, putting it over his head. When that pillow was taken, he took the one pillow that was left on his bed and put it over his head. 

That pillow had been taken to. Sighing, Harry stood up and blindly walked over to the next bed and lied down, pulling the hangs shut. He put a pillow over his head and then pulled the blankets over the pillow. Harry then felt something move from the bed that he was lying in. He reached forward blindly and pushed whatever was moving out of the bed, it happened to be Neville who landed with a thump.

The hangs had been pulled open and the blanket was ripped off of him, along with the two pillows that were on the bed. Harry stood up and walked blindly over to the next bed and lied down, pulling that hanging shut and wrapping the blankets tightly around him. Soon, the hangings were pulled open and the pillows were gone, someone was trying to unwrap Harry from the blankets, which they succeeded in doing.

Harry stood up and walked blindly over to the next bed and lied down he crawled under the blankets for what he hoped to be the last time. It looked like luck wasn't on his side today, though because the hangs were, once again, opened and the blankets and pillows were removed from the bed. Harry knew that there was only one more bed left in the room as he stood up and walked blindly over to it. He lied down, closed hangings, and waved his hand, putting a locking charm on the hangings. He had just about fallen back to sleep completely when the hanging were opened again and the blankets and pillow were removed from the bed. Harry stood up and blindly walked around, trying to find a pile of pillows and blankets. When he found it, he lied down on top of it and wrapped himself in the blankets.

"Fuck off," Harry said when someone removed the blankets. He felt around for them but they weren't in he reach.

"Harry, it's time to get up, it's Hogsmeade today," Ron said.

"Fine, fine. Go downstairs, and let me wake up," Harry said.

"Okay," Ron said and left the dormitory.

Harry hadn't opened his eyes throughout the entire episode that had just gone on. When he was sure that Ron had left the room, Harry crawled blindly over to a bed, and then went under it. Harry was almost back in dreamland when he heard the dormitory door open.

"Harry?" Ron called out. Harry heard Ron walk over to the showers and then walk back over to where the beds were. "Neville, where's Harry?"

"Under the bed," Neville said sleepily. Ron started to look under the beds until he found Harry. When he found the raven-haired boy, he pulled him out from under the bed his the ankle.

"Get up," Ron shouted in Harry's ear.

"I'm up, I'm up!" Harry shouted, sitting up straight. "Go away, let my get dre – shit! I'm not wearing anything!"

* * *

YAY! I'M DONE! I thought I'd be nice and update early. lol. Before I get to the reviews I've got two things to say. One, Draco's flashback is something that actually happened to me, except it was my mother that did it… 

and two, I HAD to add the last section because that had happened to be this morning. I was sleeping in my grandmother's bed (because I live with her) and my grandfather turned on the lights and I went under the covers…he took the blankets away from he so u put the pillows over my head…he took those away from me too (evil fucker…he woke me up at NOON! I don't get up until at least 4 pm until I have too…of course I had to get up because it was a school day…but that's not the point) anyways…I kept my eyes closed and walked to my room…after walking into a few things (the fish tank…the SAME wall four times…my chair…my dog) anywayz…I shut the door, crawled into my bed put the pillows over my head and put the covers over the pillow…my grandfather came in, turned on the lights and took my pillow and blankets away from me and put them on the floor. I stood up and lied down on them…then he took them away from me so I crawled under the bed…then he pulled me out…the only thing was I was dressed…lol

Also, I wrote the last section because I am REALLY hyper right now and because I reckon that you could all use a good laugh AND because I couldn't think of anything else to write…lol.

NOW!

I'd like to thank my WONDERFUL reviews:

**Walking-From-Omelas:** (Notice) Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

(Chapter 8) OMG! That is the SWEETEST thing ive ever heard! It means SOO much to me that you said that! gives you a hug! anyways…thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter!

**WrittenWords:** (Notice) Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**FroBoy:** (Notice) Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

(Chapter 8) Thanks. Lol and thanks for the review!

(FINALLY! This one won't be the same as the first three! Lmao!)

**Hermione1208:** (Chapter 1) I don't know what to say to that but…Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

(Chapter 8) I don't know what to say to that either but… Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review! Lmao D

(Never…¬ ¬)

**Leader of the 'track down Peter Pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunting squad:** (Notice) Love the name…it's long and cuteD lol. Anyways…thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**TammyLynnSlark:** (Chapter 6) Yes, I know, it's a really bad habit; I'm trying to quit. OMG! That's sad!

**amsterdamsbitch: **(Notice) Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles: **(Notice) lol. For a chapter with like 30+ pages it takes be about…30 mins…I'm reading this one fic where the chapters are like 50+ pages and each chapter only takes me like an hour D lol. They might be after you too! With ALL that homework and tests! Anywayz…THE WAIT IS OVER! Lol. I hope you enjoyed with chapter and thanks for the review!

(Chapter 7) lol. Don't worry…Harry and Draco will be having an encounter around Christmas, which should be in about a chapter or two P I everyone can wait that long! lol

(Chapter 6)lol…I never get in trouble for being on too long cuz I've got my own computer in my room P lol

(Chapter 5) lol. Thanks for point that out to me…I'll fix it when I edit the entire chapter P lol.

(Chapter 4) lol…I love HP/DM tooP lol…obviously D and yes, Remus loves Harry…but Harry doesn't know that…yet.

(Chapter 3) lol thanks for the compliment it means a lot to me…lol D.

(Chapter 2) lol…I think everyone wants to know how Kyra is P lol.

(Chapter 1) lol thanks P

**Laurina Lalaithe: **lol. I don't think that you're being nosy, its just curiosity it's a part of human nature P lol. Anyways…it relates to be because everything that Harry and Draco have gone through (expect for curses and rape) I've gone through the exact same thing…that's what its based on…in a way lol…I smoke n I cut too…both are VERY bad habits trying to stop them…actually I'm having a cigarette as I'm replying to all these wonderful review! Lol anyways…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed with chapter!

**The Dark's Desire: **lol. Thanks! I LOVE it when people tell me their fave part of my story or chapter! It makes me feel even MORE loved! D lol. Anyways…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**Crying these bloody tears:** lol. Sorry if im a trigger. But DON'T become anorexic, PLEASE! It can kill you! The only reason that people don't notice anything in Harry is because they don't want to, their too wrapped up in their own lives to care. Anyways…if I think that Harry was normal in the last chapter...what do u think of him this chapter? At the last part? Lol..anyways…Don't be anorexic! Please! I used to be and I was hospitalized for almost two months! It's NOT fun.

**Charl1e: **Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**DarkerHeart: **lol. I forget…lmao..anyways…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**Hittocerebattosai: **LMAO! Thanks P I hope you enjoyed this chapter too and thanks for the review!

**Ruby-sama aura-chan the neko-jin's yami: **Thanks! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**MidnightsRose: **lol. Thanks. Did I ever tell you that I have a dog named Midnight and whenever I see your and I think of her? Lol…anyways…thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Myniephoenix: **lol thanks. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter too and thanks for the review!

**Jujube15: **LMAO! That's brilliant U.A.D.O.W! I LOVE IT! lol…I know that Harry's gonnacrash and burn…but he's gonna be saved…so…I a few chapters or more…lol…anyways…thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed with chapter!

Wow…that took me about a half an hour just to answer ALL those reviews! Lol! Also, for the thing with Harry not eating and not being dressed and shit…Ron never noticed because 1) he thinks that Harry always looks like that and 2) because he's too stupid to realize that anything is wrong. Anyways…I SEE YOU ALL NEXT CHAPTER! BYEBYEZ

-Wykked As Syn


	10. Hogsmeade and Thinking

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through the exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other (drugs in this chapter)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

Chapter 10: Hogsmeade and Thinking 

Harry sighed as he, Ron and Hermione waited in line for Filch to check their names off the list. Harry had reluctantly gotten dressed after Ron pulled him out from under the bed. He was angry with himself for the way that he had acted earlier, he knew that he shouldn't have gotten stoned before he went to sleep, that was what caused him to act like that, he was still under the influence of the drug. Harry didn't know why he had even agreed to go to Hogsmeade with his so-called friends, but he knew that if he didn't they would think something was wrong, more so then they already thought, and that they would try meddling in his life further.

After Filch had checked them off the list, the three of them walked over to a carriage and got in. The carriage started to move, taking them to Hogsmeade. Harry knew that he needed to think of a way to ditch Ron and Hermione, all he really needed was an excuse. Maybe he could tell them that he wasn't feeling well and wanted to go back to the school. No, he doubted that that would work because Hermione would probably escort him back and make him go and see Madam Pomfrey. Maybe he could tell them that he would meet up with them later, that he had things that he needed to do. Yes, that could possibly work. He decided that he would go with them to the first store and then tell them that he had some things that he needed to do.

The carriage came to a halt in front of the Three Broomsticks. The three Gryffindors stepped out of the carriage and the carriage pulled away.

"Where do you guys want to go to first?" Hermione asked.

"Honeydukes," Ron said. Hermione looked at Harry, who shrugged.

"Fine then, lets go," Hermione said.

The three started their walk to the candy store; Harry walked a few paces behind the other two. They didn't seem to notice, though, they were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice anything. Harry reckoned that he could probably leave them and they wouldn't notice, though, he didn't feel like attempting that, lest they actually notice him, he didn't feel like explain anything. He reckoned that it would be better to go to Honeydukes, get some sweets and then leave.

When Harry looked up he noticed that was standing outside the store and Ron and Hermione were nowhere in sight. He mentally cursed as he opened the door and walked him. The smell of sweets assaulted his nose as he walked around the shop looking for something to buy. He settled on buying a few Blood Lollipops, a few boxes of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, some Fizzing Whizzbees, a few packages of Droobles Best Blowing Gum, a few Pepper Imps, some Ice Mice, and some chocolate even though he knew that he would never eat them. The only reason he bought anything was because he knew that Hermione and (maybe) Ron would suspect something was wrong. He couldn't go to Hogsmeade and come back with nothing because not just Hermione would reckon that something was up, other people probably would too.

Before Harry paid for the sweets, he found Ron and Hermione and told them that he would meet them at the Three Broomsticks at noon; it was only around nine o'clock now, which gave him plenty of time to do his own thing. Harry went up to the cashier and paid for his candy before he left the shop. He went to the one place that he knew he wouldn't be interrupted by anyone, by the mountain that he had been too in his fourth year. Harry tried not to think about why he had been there two years ago; it brought back too many memories.

Harry arrived at the foot of the mountain and sat down on one of the flatter rocks. He pulled something out of his pocket; it was a little rectangular tin. He opened it; there were three joints in it, which was enough to last him for the entire Hogsmeade trip. He pulled one of the joint out and lit it, he took a drag of it before he closed the tin and put it back in his pocket. He took another drag of the joint and held it in for a few seconds longer then he usually did before he exhaled slowly. He did this a few more times before he started to slightly feel the drugs affect.

Harry sighed, he knew that after a while that they drug wouldn't affect anymore. He knew that at first everything would be fine and he would get a good 'high', but he knew that after a while it wouldn't affect him anymore. That was why he had asked Brian and Justin for some ecstasy, but he knew that after a while, that wouldn't affect him either. Harry took a long drag of the joint, held it in and then exhaled slowly.

Sometimes Harry would wonder what would happen after the drugs that he had stopped affecting him. Everything had started out simple enough, first he started smoking but then that stopped affecting him, calming him down. Then, he moved on to marijuana and ecstasy. He didn't want to become one of those people who depended on drugs all the time, he knew that at the rate he was going, though, he would more then likely end up like that. Sighing, Harry took another long drag of the joint. He would worry about what would happen to him when the time came.

The drug was starting to take more of an affect on Harry as he took another drag of the joint. Harry looked up at the sky, it was bright out, but he knew that it was going to become brighter in a few hours. Harry looked down the path he had taken to get to where he was when he heard footsteps. Being affected by the drug, Harry didn't panic or worry, not many people knew of the place that he was currently at.

"I'm desperate for changing, starving for truth," Harry heard the person that was walking toward him sing.

'_They have a beautiful voice,'_ Harry mused to himself. The voice sounded familiar to him, he had heard that person sing once before. Harry reckoned that the person singing was either muggle-born or a half-blood because the song that they were singing was muggle.

"Forgetting what I'm lacking, completely incomplete," The voice got closer. "I'll take your invitation, you take all of me," The voice abruptly stopped when the person saw Harry sitting at the foot of the mountain. "What are you doing here, Potter?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Malfoy," Harry said slowly as he took a drag of the joint, he knew that Malfoy was far enough away to be able to tell what it really was.

"Fair enough," Malfoy said as he took a drag of a cigarette that Harry didn't see that he had.

Malfoy continued to walk over to Harry, he had no intentions of starting an argument, he had gone out there for some time to himself. Malfoy could tell that Harry had no intentions of starting anything either. When he was only a few feet away from Harry, that was when the blonde noticed that it wasn't a cigarette that Harry was smoking, but a joint. Malfoy sat down next to Harry, took one last drag of his cigarette and threw it away.

"Where are Weasel and the Mudblood?" Malfoy asked.

"I dunno," Harry said slowly as he took a drag of the joint. "Probably of somewhere snogging or planning ways to meddling in my life some more."

"Oh," Malfoy said.

"Yea, I dunno why the can't just take a fucking hint," Harry said slowly as he took another drag of the joint. He handed it to Malfoy, who looked at it for a second before he accepted it.

"Take a hint about what?" Malfoy asked as he took at drag of the joint. Malfoy had done drugs before, he usually would do them when things become too much to handle.

"That I don't want them bugging me and following me around like they're lost little puppies," Harry said slowly.

"Oh," Malfoy said as he took another drag of the joint.

"Now I remember," Harry said slowly as he had an epiphany.

Malfoy took a long drag of the joint and passed it to Harry before he asked, "Remember what?"

"Where I've heard your voice before, it was at the Leaky Cauldron, you were in the shower," Harry said slowly as he took a drag of the joint. "I remember, I had come back to the room and I heard you singing."

"Oh," Malfoy said, he hadn't realized that Harry had returned because if he had he wouldn't have continued to sing.

"How come you were singing a muggle song? I thought that you hated them?" Harry asked slowly as he took a long drag of the joint before he passed it back to Malfoy.

"I don't hate their music," Malfoy said simply as he took the joint and took a long drag. Malfoy was starting to feel the affect of the drug as he exhaled slowly.

"Oh," Harry said slowly.

The two sat in silence as they finished the joint, by the time that they were done the drug at taken full affect on them. Even though Harry had had more of the drug then Malfoy, Malfoy was more affected by it. Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He took one out of the pack and offered it to Malfoy, who accepted, and took one out of the pack for himself. Harry flicked his wrist and both of their cigarettes were lit.

Harry took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly, he began to giggle as the smoke curled and moved. Malfoy had done the same thing, soon the two boys where laughing hysterically for no reason in particular. By the time that the boys had stopped laughing, their cigarettes had almost burned out. The two took one last drag of their cigarettes before they threw them away. It was Malfoy who took out his pack of cigarettes and offered one to Harry, who accepted, before he took out one for himself. Both boys flicked their wrists at the same time and their cigarettes where lit, they both started to giggle lightly.

Harry looked up at the sky and took a long drag of his cigarette before he asked, "Malfoy, why is the sky blue?"

"Because god was bored," Malfoy said sarcastically as he took a drag of his cigarette.

"Really?" Harry asked slowly.

"No," Malfoy answered flatly.

The two boys finished their cigarettes with barely any giggling or laughing, though, when Harry went to throw his cigarette away, it landed on Malfoy. Harry started to giggle uncontrollably as Malfoy stood up fast and then fell down and landed in his butt. When Harry had recovered for his giggling fit and Malfoy was able to stand up, the two boys started to walk back to the village.

"Potter?" Malfoy asked when they were about halfway to their destination.

"Huh?"

"You are not to tell anyone about this, ever," Malfoy said.

"Ok," Harry said.

When the two boys were almost back to the village, they looked around to make sure that nobody was around to see them come out of the path together. When Malfoy had deemed that it was safe, the two walked out of the path back to the center of the village.

"Later, Potter," Malfoy said.

"Later, Malfoy," Harry said as he walked into the Three Broomsticks to meet with Ron and Hermione.

Harry didn't know why he didn't just go back to the castle and tell his so-called friends that he had gone back not feeling good. Even though Harry was under the influence of drugs, it didn't mean that he wanted to be around people that kept trying to meddle in his life. Harry would have turned around and walked out of the Three Broomsticks and went to the castle if it hadn't been for Hermione who called out to him.

"Harry," She called waving her arms in the air.

Harry walked over to the two with a goofy smile on his face, even though he didn't want to be with them, he was still under the influence of drugs, which was the only reason he was smiling. After Harry carefully made his way over to Ron and Hermione, he sat down next to Ron, who was less likely to notice anything. The waitress came and the trio ordered a Butterbeer each.

"So, Harry, what did you do after you left?" Hermione asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over them.

"I had to go meet someone," Harry said, trying hard to speak at a normal speed so that Hermione wouldn't suspect anything.

"Who?" Ron asked as he took a sip of his Butterbeer.

"That," Harry said. "Would be none of your business."

"Come on, Harry, tell us. You've been so secretive since the beginning of school, you used to tell us everything," Hermione said.

"Did I, Hermione?" Harry asked coldly as he took a sip of his Butterbeer.

"Yes," Hermione said.

"No, I didn't. You may have thought that I was telling you everything, but I wasn't. I had barely even scratched the surface, I only told you enough to sedate you, to stop you from asking too many questions," Harry said coldly, he had a feeling that he wasn't going to have a 'good high'.

"Harry, that's nonsense, you used to tell us everything," Hermione argued.

"No, I didn't, if you ever cared as much as you said you did then you would have noticed that," Harry said coldly.

"Harry, we care about you," Ron said, cutting into the argument.

"Just keep telling yourself that, you might start to believe it," Harry said coldly as he stood up and left.

* * *

Harry walked back to the castle, he didn't care, he needed to clear his head. The carriages didn't arrive for a few hours and Harry didn't want to wait. When Harry was sure that nobody from the village would see him, he took out a cigarette from his pack and lit it. He took a long drag and exhaled slowly, it calmed him down slightly, but he was still angry with Ron and Hermione. 

They didn't know anything about him; they only knew what he had told them, which wasn't a lot. It was none of their business where he was, who he was with and what he did when they weren't around. He didn't pry in their life and ask questions like that, so what right did they have to do that to him? None, and if he did decide to answer their annoying questions then they should be grateful with the answer they had receive. But, were they? No, they had to keep prying and meddling in his life. Though, asking questions wasn't exactly meddling, but they still did it.

Everyone always though that Harry was Dumbledore's little pet, but he wasn't, Ron and Hermione were. Anything they asked him, anything that they did, Dumbledore had told them to. Harry knew that Dumbledore had told them to find out where Harry was, what he did and whom he was with. Dumbledore was more worried that Harry would change sides; go over to the dark side. Though, what Dumbledore didn't know was that by the way he was acting he wasn't keeping Harry with him, he was pushing the raven-haired boy away.

Harry took a drag of his cigarette. What Dumbledore didn't know was that he was lost Harry a long time ago. Dumbledore was only a manipulative old bastard, he always would be. Also, if Dumbledore knew as much as he seemed to, then why didn't he do something about what Harry was doing? If Dumbledore knew anything at all, he would know that he wasn't the one doing the manipulating, Harry was.

Even though he didn't act like it towards them, Harry knew that there were only two people that he could actually trust, Severus and Remus. Though, he wasn't about to talk to them about anything or tell them more then he needed to, but he knew that when the time was right that they would be there for him. He knew that they weren't about to tell Dumbledore anything that they had found out from Occlumency. Of course, they couldn't tell Dumbledore because then they old fool would know that his beloved teachers went and did something behind his back.

Harry had his suspicions about other teachers, too. He knew that McGonagall would never go against Dumbledore, at least not openly, but she did disagree with the things that he did, though, she would never tell anyone that. Flitwick seemed to be with Dumbledore along with most of the other teachers. Harry knew that Madam Pomfrey was completely against Dumbledore, she had told Harry herself. Of course, Harry was more than happy to tell her that could help her out because there was a group of people that were against Dumbledore but would never go over to the dark side.

Harry took a long drag of his cigarette. He needed to sort out who was with Voldemort, who was with Dumbledore and who was against both of them. Harry knew that the only people that he could trust were against both of the old manipulating men. So far, the only people that he knew of that were against both was Severus and Remus.

As much as Harry trusted them, he didn't, if that made any sense. He trusted them not to tell Dumbledore anything that went on, but he didn't trust them enough to talk to them about anything, he wanted to trust them like that, but he didn't think that he could because the last time he had trusted someone he had ended up being manipulated. Though, Harry knew that he had full control over Dumbledore, Severus and Remus. Severus and Remus because if they ever did something to manipulate him or to hurt him in any way, then Harry would go see Dumbledore and pretend to be on his side. Dumbledore because if the old man did anything, Harry would make sure that he would regret it in the end.

There were two more people that Harry knew that where with him, Brian and Justin, those two would do anything for him. Over the summer, Harry had opened up to them, though, it was only as much as he opened up to anyone, but it was enough because Harry knew that in the end he could trust them.

Harry remembered during the summer, he had told Brian and Justin about the Kyra he had seen on the Knight Bus and how he thought that she was the same Kyra that had been in Dumbledore's office before. They said that they knew a Kyra before they asked Harry to describe what she looked like. The two had seemed to become nervous and slightly defensive when Harry had described the Kyra that they knew. The two men had told him that she was against both Voldemort and Dumbledore and everyone knew that she was.

When Harry had asked what she did for work, Brian said that he wasn't at liberty to tell. That was when Harry asked if they were good friends with her, it was Justin who had answered. He had said yes and then he had added that not very many people knew what Kyra did for work because Brian and seemingly forgot to tell Harry that. Harry had asked who old she was and what her last name was. Brian had told him that she was twenty-six and that he was, yet again, not at liberty to tell. When Harry had looked at Justin for an answer, Justin had shaken his head.

When Harry looked up he noticed that he was at the castle gates. He sighed as he walked up to the front doors of the school and went in, he was thankful that nobody in Gryffindor had stayed behind for the trip.

* * *

It was midnight; Draco sat in his private quarters. He was leaning back on his chair as he took a drag of his cigarette. Even though it had been over twelve hours, Draco still felt the affects of the drug on him. When it came to drugs and drinking, Draco wasn't a lightweight, he didn't get stoned easy and he didn't get drunk easy. Though, with the stuff that Potter had had he could fell the affects of the drug after three hits. 

After today, though, Draco's perspective of Potter had changed, he realized that the raven-haired boy was somewhat like him, that there was more then meets the eye. Draco always thought that Potter had the perfect life, that Potter would never have to resort to drugs to help, that Potter was treated like royalty at home. From what Draco had seen at the Leaky Cauldron and at school, there was more to Potter then meets the eye.

When the boy had arrived that the Leaky Cauldron that night, Draco had been shocked, he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why Potter was their. Then when he saw that Potter had his eyebrow pierced and that he smoke, Draco could have swore that he had gone into shock. Though, when he had asked the boy if he had any other piercings, and Potter stuck his tongue out, Draco wasn't surprised, he had one, too, and he had showed Potter. But, when Potter returned to the hotel with his lip pierced, he had surprised Draco, yet again.

At the train station when Potter had asked him to not bug him as much but he didn't care about the others, Draco was shocked. Then, Potter had an argument with Weasley and Granger, Draco had reckoned that Potter disliked then from the way that he had talked about them, but when Potter had actually argued with them the way that he had on the train, Draco was positive that Potter had finally given up on forever.

Though Draco wouldn't admit it to anyone, he had been jealous and hurt when Potter had refused his friendship back in first year, that was why he had given the boy and his friends such a hard time for the last five years. Now, though, Draco was somewhat glad that he wasn't Potter's friend back then, he didn't want to think about how many times Potter had probably hexed Weasley because he was pissed off. Draco knew that he had hexed Crabbe and Goyle a few times in the past, but never anything serious.

He had even hexed Pansy one or twice, of course, she had deserved it. Draco didn't know how many times he had told her not to bother him at night or crawl into his bed when he was sleeping. The girl couldn't take a hint, when Draco had told her that he like guys more then girls, though, he still liked girls, he hoped that that would get her to leave him alone, but it didn't. She had become more persistent then ever.

It was true, Draco did prefer guy more then girls. He had had sex with a few girls and plenty more guys, he didn't know why, but he liked a guy's anatomy more then a girl's. Everyone knew what Draco preferred, except his father; nobody was brave enough to tell his or her parents who would tell his father. Everyone was too afraid of what Draco would to him or her if they told. Even though Draco didn't curse his fellow Slytherin, except for Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy, everyone knew that if Draco's father found out, they would be the one to pay the consciences of their actions.

Draco took one last drag of his cigarette before he put it out in the ashtray on his desk and continued to lean back on his chair. He remembered the first time that he had had sex with a guy; it was shortly after his first time with a girl, which was at the beginning of fifth year. Draco couldn't remember the guys name, all he knew was the he was in Hufflepuff. Draco made the boy swear not to tell anyone, not even after he had left school. The boy had been in his last year and Draco knew that he only had to wait a year before it was safe. He knew that if anyone found out that he had had sex with a Hufflepuff, his reputation would be ruined.

Draco sighed as he looked at clock; it read 12:10. Draco knew that he would have to see his godfather for a dreamless sleep potion if he ever wanted to sleep tonight. Over the last two months, his dreams had been getting worse, almost to the point were he was afraid to sleep. Standing up and putting on a robe, Draco left his private quarters and started to walk over to his godfather's, which were not far from his. Sometimes Draco was glad for that, sometimes he wasn't. When Draco arrived outside his godfather's quarters he didn't bother to knock, his godfather had told him that he didn't need to knock because they shared everything and that he had nothing to hid.

Draco was slightly shocked at the sight before him; his godfather was on the couch in front of the fire cuddling with the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Draco cleared his throat to get the two men's attention, Severus looked at him.

"Good evening, Draco, to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit," Severus said sarcastically.

"Severus, be nice,"

"Remus, shut up," Severus said with a fake smile on his face, Lupin could tell that he joking. "Come, sit down."

"I need something from you, Severus," Draco said as he walked over to a couch and sat down.

"Such as?" Severus asked as he put his arm around Lupin's shoulder.

"Enough dreamless sleep potions to last until the end of the week," Draco said hesitantly.

"What are your dreams about this time?" Severus asked, not moving from his position from the couch. Draco knew that that meant he would have to get the potions himself.

"When I was young," Draco said, not telling Severus much.

"Please, be more specific, Draco," Severus said.

"The things that he did to me when I was younger," Draco said. "Don't tell anyone about this, Lupin."

"Don't worry, I wont. And, please, call me Remus," the lycanthrope said.

"Draco, the potions are in the usual spot take four. As for dosage, take half a potion a night," Severus said.

"Ok," Draco said as he walked to a room off from the dinning room. He grabbed the potions and left the room.

"Would you like to talk about anything, Draco? Remus and I will always be here if you need us," Severus said.

"No, it's okay. Though, I might take you up on your offer one day," Draco said as he walked toward the door leading out of Severus's private chambers. "Goodnight Severus, Remus,"

* * *

WOOHOO! What did you guys think? You all found out a little bit about Kyra. Also, now that Draco's perspective of Harry has changed, I think you all know what that means! Wow, it hasn't even been a week since I last updated, but I think that the next chapter will take a little longer to write, though, I hope to get it out by Sunday. 

Wow, I quickly scanned through the last chapter n I noticed that things were a little OOC but funny :D. lol.

Now, I'd like to thank all my WONDERFUL reviewers:

**Shadow315:** I'm glad that you love my story, as for when I'm updating, that would be right now :P. lol. The HP/DM slash will be soon, I hope. Lol. As for when Remus and Severus find out about Harry's cutting, I hope that that will be within the next few chapters. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**InsomniaOfTheReaper: **Thanks for the compliments, they mean a lot to me. And, yes, I can put myself in Harry's shoes, even Draco's. lol. Don't worry; I can be overdramatic, too. When I was writing the last part I had to try to stop laughing long enough to type it out :P. And again, don't worry; I have no intentions to stop writing this story or waking up with something unpleasant in my mouth :P…well I wouldn't care, unless, of course, it's spiders. Shit, did I type that out? lmao. But, yea, im like DEADLY afraid of spiders. lol. I blame my mother, she used to throw them on me and laugh when I freaked out n started to hyperventilate. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**FroBoy:** Thanks; I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**Charl1e:** Thanks; I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**MidnightsRose: **That's wykked! lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Hermione1208:** Um…I have no idea what to say to that, so, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Walking-From-Omelas:** Yup:P. wow, what's it like being in college? If I don't fail this year, which I more then likely will…I'll have like four years until I'm in college. lol. Don't worry; I tend to ramble a lot too. lol. I don't plan on waiting a month ever again, but shit happens, right? lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Btw, your welcome :P

**Sara: **Thanks. Yes, I know about the uses of weed because I do it, too. Even though I'm at the point where most of the time when I'm stoned I become depressed. lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**DarkerHeart: **lol. yea, my mother and grandfather are like that a lot…this morning it was my grandmother that woke me up n turned on the lights n took away my blankets n my grandfather was still sleeping so I went under my bed…I do that a lot. lol. Anyways, I guess that you could say that Harry is that thick, but I like to think of it as he doesn't want to think about that possibility. lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Snapesavamp5: **(Chapter 3) Yes, I know that Harry is a typical smoker. But remember the fact that he's tired of cleaning up after everyone else so they can clean up after him. I know that what he does is wrong but he doesn't care anymore, he's tired of caring about things, remember? And I never once said that smoking made him a sexy rebel, you mentioned that he wasn't and I agree with you, it doesn't make him a sexy rebel. I should know because I smoke, too. And just to let you know, you kind ruined my day !sarcastically! Thanks for that. I hope you like making 14-year-olds feel bad.

**Leader of the 'track down Peter Pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunting squad: **lol. thanks. You can hit them with something if you want :P lol. Maybe, if I can find someone to draw from me, I can get some picture of that scene :P. Yes, Draco and Harry are going to be together, when I'm not entirely sure. lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Just-think-of-a-stupid-name-and-that's-me:** lol. If I went to camp, I'd probably do that, too because I'm not a morning person, it takes all I have to get up for school in the morning. lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Jujube15:** Not exactly, high!Harry is funny…well…if I can get the parts right in my story he will be :P. lol. I think that we might be hearing from D.O.W. soon…I hope. That's funny because I can picture voldie's resurrection like that! Hehehe…funny…Save a broom, ride a Wizard, that's funny too :P. Thanks for the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter!

**Hittocerebattosai: **Your welcome !hugs back!. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Ruby-sama aura-chan the neko-jin's yami:** Yea, I was fine, I've had worse. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**The Dark's Desire: **lmao! I'll be looking out in the newspaper for the heading "Fifteen-year-old girl dies from laughter by fanfiction author". lol. yup :P you can kill Lucius! And again, great good, sick n twisted but I loved it! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Wow…again…that took me almost a half an hour to answer everyone. lol. because I'm too lazy to work it into the story…Harry is going to have a glamour charm on his entire body so that people don't know that he's not eating properly. Just though I'd mention that! Until next chapter, Byebyez!

-Wykked As Syn


	11. Very Unusual Talks, Arguments and Surpri

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** Harry has been beaten by the Dursley's his whole life. One night he comes home late and Vernon beats him. Harry lay in his bed thinking; finally, he decides to run away. What happens when he meets up with someone that is going through the exact same thing that he is? Will a relationship form? What about the person that Harry loves? What will happen to Voldemort? Who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Very Unusual Talks, Arguments and Surprises**

November was nearing an end, the weather was becoming colder and the sun was setting earlier. Harry sat in the Room of Requirement doing his Potion's homework. Over the last few weeks, Harry had been spending as much time as he could in the Room of Requirement because he knew that nobody would find him there. He knew that is so-called friends Ron and Hermione looked from him when he was gone, but he also knew that they never thought to look in the Room of Requirement, though, he didn't know why, it was the most obvious place in the world. Whenever Harry went out, he was always sure to take his Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map with him so that he was positive nobody could find him and that nobody could take his Invisibility Cloak and follow him.

Harry put down his quill and started to read over his finished homework. When he was done, he set down the parchment, stood up and stretched. Though, he almost doubled over when a sharp pain started to shoot through his stomach. At first it was in one spot but then it spread, it felt like there was a hundred dull knives stabbing his stomach. Harry managed to sit down into the chair behind him and curl up into a little ball. The pain was becoming too much to bare, his head started to spin. After a few moments, everything subsided.

Harry sighed as he reached over to the coffee table next to him and grabbed his cigarettes. He took one out of the pack and lit it. He took a long drag and exhaled slowly. For the last couple of weeks, Harry had been getting sharp pains in the stomach, he was thankful that he was alone when they happened because he knew that people would make a big fuss about it. That was something that Harry didn't want, the pains in his stomach were nothing important; at least to him they weren't.

Harry took another long drag of his cigarette and sighed, sometimes he wished that everybody would just leave him alone or at least treat him like a normal teenager. He knew, though, that that would never happen because he was the Boy-Who-Lived. He hated the fact that people only noticed him because he was famous; he wanted people to notice him because of whom he was as a person. He knew that that would never happen, though, because nobody knew what he was like as a person, he had never shown anybody. All his life he had lived behind a mask, he let that mask shadow who he really was. Even now, he was still living behind his mask, though not as much as before. Before he used to dress and act a certain way, now he dressed how he wanted and, for the most part, acted how he wanted.

When he was younger, he remembered how he used to cry himself to sleep because he had to live behind a mask. When he was younger there were always tear upon his pillow at night. He was a child lost to pain because that was all he ever knew; even now it was the same. He never knew love or happiness; he never knew what they were like. All he ever knew was anger, hate, sadness and pain.

Anger, that was something that he grew up around. When he was at the Dursley's, somebody was always angry for one reason or another. It seemed, that whenever somebody was angry, usually Vernon or Dudley, they would take it out on Harry. They would beat him until he couldn't move or until he passed out. Even at Hogwarts, it seemed like somebody was always angry with him for something. He hated it.

Hate, when Harry was at the Dursley's, he knew that everybody there hated him. They had made sure to show him every day by telling him or hitting him. Even at Hogwarts he was hated for things that he didn't even do. Severus had hated him because he was his father's son. Malfoy hated him for various reasons that were unknown to Harry. Harry knew that he was never loved, maybe when he was a baby, but he couldn't remember that. He was sad that he didn't have his parents around to love him, to keep him safe from everything.

Sad, that was something that Harry always felt, no matter where he went or what he did, that feeling was always there. There was no way that Harry could get rid of it, he had tried everything that he could think of; nothing seemed to work. At the Dursley's he was sad because of everything and at Hogwarts he was sad because he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Harry wondered how people could expect so much from one person, a young boy at that. Harry wondered how people could be oblivious to all the pain that they cause one person.

Pain, that was something that Harry was well acquainted with. All he ever knew was pain, whether it was physical or emotional, he was always in pain. Pain that his relatives had caused him, pain that the Wizarding World had caused him. He couldn't take it anymore, he wanted everything to disappear, he wanted all the pain he felt to leave him forever. Though, he knew that as long as he was alive, it would always be with him.

Harry wanted to leave where he was, forever. He wanted to forget everything that he had gone through. He wanted to wake up and find out that everything was a nightmare, and his parents were still alive. Their love would be the mercy on his fate because if he still had his parents it would mean that he wouldn't have to do the things that he had to do without them. He wouldn't have to worry about defeating Voldemort; he wouldn't have to worry about Dumbledore meddling in his life.

What Dumbledore couldn't seem to grasp was the fact that Harry was rising up and changing before his very eyes and there was nothing the old man could do about it. Harry refused to change back to the way that he used to be because Dumbledore didn't like what he was becoming. Though, Dumbledore would soon see how the darkness faded in the light. Dumbledore would soon see that should have never put Harry through the things that he did. Harry would make sure that Dumbledore regretted everything that he had ever done to Harry.

Harry was rising up and moving on, he didn't care what other people thought; he didn't care what other people did to try and stop him. He wouldn't let anything bring him down. He would be the light that the darkness faded in, if only he could make his darkness fade first.

* * *

It was Monday evening; Harry was walking down to the dungeons for his Occlumency lesson with Severus. Over the last month, Harry had been able to block Severus from his mind most of the time. Compared to last year, Harry had improved a lot in his Occlumency skills because last year he didn't take it seriously, he wanted to be able to see the things that Voldemort did. This year, though, he didn't, he also didn't want the headmaster to try and invade his mind. The old man seemed to do that whenever he and Harry were alone in the same room together.

Dumbledore had been getting frustrated at the fact that he was unable to read Harry's mind. Harry knew that because, even though Dumbledore didn't show any expressions, when Dumbledore would talk to him and try to invade his mind, frustration would enter the old mans voice when he was unsuccessful.

Harry looked up and noticed that he was standing in front of Severus's private quarters. He and Severus had stopped doing the Occlumency lessons in Severus's office because people could just enter at any given moment. If they were in Severus's private quarters the only person that they needed to worry about entering was Remus, who already knew about the private lessons.

Harry didn't bother to knock before he entered the room. The sight of Severus and Remus at a close proximity greeted him. Harry had suspected that something was going on between Remus and Severus for some time now. He wanted to know what exactly was going on between the two older men, and Harry reckoned that they only way to find out was to ask them, though, he didn't know how he should.

Severus and Remus moved apart when they noticed that Harry had entered the room, the door was already closed behind him. Remus blushed slightly while Severus had a look of indifference on his face. Yes, there was definitely something going on between the two. Harry reckoned that if he wanted to know, that he would ask now because it was the perfect opportunity.

"Good evening, Harry," Remus greeted.

"Good evening, Remus," Harry said.

"Are you ready to begin your lesson?" Severus asked

"No," Harry said. "There is something that I want to ask you two before we begin. And I want an honest answer."

Harry saw Severus and Remus exchange a look, it seemed like they knew what it was that Harry wanted to ask them. It was Remus that spoke first, "Ok, Harry, what is it that you want to know?"

"What's going on between you two?" Harry asked, not being to blunt about it.

"Be more specific, please," Severus said, he was stalling, he didn't know how Harry would react when he found out that he and Remus were a couple.

"You know what I mean," Harry said coolly.

"No, I don't," Severus said, trying to act innocent.

"I'm sure," Harry said sarcastically. "But, I'll play along and be more specific. Or would you two rather I be blunt about it?"

Remus and Severus exchanged a look before Remus answered, "Specific will suffice."

"Fine. Every time I look at the Map, you two are always in the same room and every time I come down for my Occlumency lesson, you two are always really close to each other but jump away when you notice that I have arrived. So answer me, what is going on between you two?" Harry asked.

"Ok, how about you be blunt about it," Severus said, he didn't want to explain anything, and he had a feeling that Remus didn't either.

"Whatever. Are you two fucking?" Harry asked.

"Harry!" Remus shout.

"What?" Harry asked innocently.

"That was rude," Severus scolded.

"That was blunt," Harry said. "Now, answer the question."

"If by fucking you mean couple, then yes," Remus answered. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic," Harry said sarcastically. "Besides, that's what I had thought, but I reckoned that it was better if I asked before I started to assume."

"You don't that two guys are together?" Severus asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow. He had reckoned that Harry would be against that sort of thing.

"If I did, then, I'd be a hypocrite," Harry said in mock enthusiasm. Severus and Remus both raised an eyebrow. "I go both ways."

"Interesting," Severus said.

"See, Severus, I told you, you learn something new everyday," Remus teased.

"I know, isn't it amazing?" Severus said in mock enthusiasm before saying in a dry tone, "Now, shut up."

"Sure," Harry said dryly. "If anybody find out about this, I know who to blame."

"I take it you haven't come out yet," Remus said.

"Fuck, no," Harry defiantly. "I take it you two haven't either."

"How did you know?" Remus asked.

"'Cause wittle Wemey it would have been all over the school by now," Harry said in a baby voice.

"Good point," Remus said. "Now, shut up."

"Here's an idea," Severus said in mock enthusiasm. "Let's skip this lesson and just sit and talk."

Harry raised an eyebrow before answering, "Sure."

Remus, Severus and Harry walked over to the living room and sat down. Harry sat on the love seat while Remus and Severus sat on the couch. Severus flicked his wrist and a tea set appeared, he handed a cup of tea to Harry and Remus before he picked up his own and leaned back on the couch.

"What do you want to talk about?" Harry asked.

"When did you find out that you like guys?" Severus asked bluntly as he took a sip of his tea.

"Wonderful," Harry said sarcastically. "This is going to be about me, isn't it?"

"Let's make a deal, then, shall we?" Remus asked.

"Sure," Harry said.

"We ask you a question and you ask us a question," Remus said.

"Wow, I feel like an eight-year-old playing a game of truth," Harry said dryly.

"Is that a yes or a no?" Remus asked.

"Sure," Harry said as he took a sip of his tea.

"Good, now answer the question," Severus said.

"Since this summer," Harry answered. "How long have you two been together?"

"Since this summer," Remus answered. "How did you figure out that you liked guys?"

"Very carefully," Harry said dryly. "Why the fuck are we doing this?"

"To get to know each other better," Severus said.

"Right, well, I don't like it. I feel like I'm some little kid that has nothing better to do with their time. This is stupid," Harry said.

"You're the one that agreed to it," Remus said.

"Because I have nothing better to do," Harry said.

"Well, then, there you go. Now, shall we continue?" Severus asked.

"I guess," Harry said.

"What's the real reason that you want to be taught Occlumency?" Severus asked.

"I told you, because I don't want Dumbledore reading my thoughts whenever the hell he wants. Also, it will come in useful later on," Harry said. "Why do you want to get to know me better?"

"Because, do to circumstances beyond my control, I have been unfair to you in the past and I have never gotten the chance to know you properly. At first I hated you because you were your father's son, then I saw passed that, I saw that you were nothing like your father. Then I had to pretend to hate you to keep up appearances and because I knew that the Dark Lord had come back. If he ever got wind that I was friendly with you I wouldn't live to see another day." Severus explained.

"I see," Harry said.

"Anyway," Remus said. "Does anybody other then Severus and I know what has happened when you were at the Dursley's?"

"Fuck no, I don't need people fretting about things that are of no importance," Harry answered. "Are we done with this little 'talk'?"

"No," Severus said. "Why –"

"Do you smoke?" Remus asked, cutting Severus off.

"Why do you ask?" Harry asked.

"Well, let's see. Because I can see a cigarette pack in your robe pocket," Remus answered.

Harry looked down at his robe pocket and saw that his cigarette pack was, in fact, visible before he said, "Fuck."

"Don't worry," Remus started.

"We do it, too," Severus said.

"So, we're not going to get mad," Remus said.

"Because that wouldn't be fair," Severus finished.

"Ok, Stop! You two sound like the twins," Harry said. "Anyway, I'd better go. I've got homework."

Harry put his half-empty cup of tea down and stood up. Severus and Remus did the same and walked Harry to the door. Severus told Harry that this next lesson was on Wednesday at the same time. Harry said his goodbyes and he left, walking back to Gryffindor tower.

As Harry walked, he thought about how weird that conversation with Severus and Remus was, if one could even call that a conversation. Harry was suspicious that Remus and Severus were planning something; he didn't believe that that was Severus's reason for an ass for all those years. They said that they wanted to get to know Harry better, but Harry didn't believe. Harry reckoned that Dumbledore order the two men to get know Harry better and try to find out why he had changed. Harry knew that if he found out that Severus and Remus were reporting information back to Dumbledore, then things would because dangerous at the school. Harry would make sure that Dumbledore would have the hardest time out of any Headmaster that was ever at that school.

Harry would make sure that Dumbledore would have a hard time controlling the school as long as Harry was still Hogwarts. That was a promise.

* * *

It was the second week of December; Draco was sitting in his private room leaning back on his chair with a cigarette. It was Saturday, Draco was enjoying his time alone; it was another Hogsmeade trip and Draco decided to stay back this time. It wasn't the fact that he didn't want to go, it was more the fact that didn't want to meet Potter in Hogsmeade; he didn't want a repeat of last trip.

Draco sighed as he took a drag of his cigarette. Draco heard a tapping sound at his window; he turned to see his father's owl. He stood up and walked over to the window and opened it. The owl flew in and landed gracefully on Draco's desk. Draco walked over and untied the letter from the owl's outstretched leg before he opened his bottom desk drawer and pulled out a few owl treats and gave then to the bird. Draco sat down his chair, leaned back on it, took a drag of his cigarette and started to read the letter.

'_Draco,_

_I expect you to be home for Christmas to get the Dark Mark. If you do not come home for Christmas then you are never to return to the Manor again. You no longer be my son if you choose not to get the Dark Mark. Make your choice wisely._

_Your Father.'_

Draco sighed as he put down the letter and put his cigarette out in the ashtray on his desk. He hated it when his father would but him in a position like this. Though, Draco didn't know why his father was still talking to him, since he Draco run away during the summer, Draco thought that his father would never speak to him again. Draco reckoned, though, that the only reason Lucius was talking to him was because Voldemort was forcing him to.

Draco knew that he would rather lose Lucius as a father then follow some mad man. Even though he didn't let it be known, Draco was completely against Voldemort and the things that he did. He was against killing anything that wasn't a pureblooded witch or wizard; it was wrong. Sure, anything less than pureblood was a disgrace and filthy, but that didn't mean that they all had to die. Also, if there were only purebloods, there wouldn't be that many and eventually every witch or wizard would be related in some way and then people would start to inbreed and then everything would eventually cease to exist. Draco didn't want a world like that; he wanted to live in a world where purebloods and Muggleborn's got along. Though, he knew that that would never happen, but that didn't mean that he couldn't want it. That's why he was against Voldemort, to try and have a chance to live in a world like that.

But the fact remains, if Draco did refuse to get the Mark, his father would disown him and he didn't want that. All he ever wanted in life was to make his father proud. He had the chance to do that now; he wanted to make his father proud of him. But, he couldn't even make himself try to make his father proud, not this time, there was too much at stake. It was either, make his father proud and do what he was completely against or not taking the Mark and having to life with that fact that his father had ever been proud of him.

Draco didn't know what to do; he wanted to do both, but he knew that it was either one or the other. Draco sighed in frustration and he stood up, walked over to this bed, and lied down. He wondered why life had to be so complicated. He hated it. It hurt him to have to make a choice between a better life and his father. It felt his heart was sinking in his chest; it was as if someone had tied something to his heart and was slowly dragging it down.

Draco sighed in frustration again; he hated this. He wanted everything to go away, he wanted to be free from his emotions and everything. Draco reached under his pillow and pulled out his knife, it was the only way he could get rid of the pain. Draco took of his robe and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Pale scars, pink scars and violent red lines were visible on Draco's wrists and upper arms. Draco picked up his knife and pressed it against an unmarked spot on the upper part of his arm.

Putting pressure on the knife, Draco slowly dragged it across his arm. It started to bleed slightly as Draco pressed the knife to a spot below that mark that he had just made. He put pressure on the knife and slowly dragged it across his arm. He did this a few more times before he put down the knife and sighed in relief. His was in a blissful place were he couldn't feel anything; his entire body was numb. Draco stared transfixed as the blood rolled down his arm. A violent red rolled down his pale arm, the red made his arm look even paler. He stared transfixed for a moment longer before he put the knife back under his pillow and flicked his wrist, making the blood disappear.

Draco rolled down his sleeves, put his robe back on, and lied down. And not too soon, his head touched the pillow and the door to his private rooms opened and Pansy Parkinson walked in. Draco thought that she had gone to Hogsmeade too. He was surprised to see Pansy, but he didn't show it. He didn't move from his position either, he just lied on his back and stared at the ceiling with his hands behind his head.

"What do you want, Pansy?" Draco asked coldly, shifting his eyes to look at here. "I'm busy."

"You are not," Pansy said.

"Yes, I am. I'm relaxing," Draco said coolly.

"Whatever. You were supposed to meet me at the Three Broomstick at noon, for our date," Pansy said as he walked over and sat next to Draco.

Draco had forgotten about meeting Pansy, it wasn't a date, though. Draco decided to act like he never agreed to it. "I don't know what you're talking about, Pansy."

"Liar. Yesterday you said that you would go to Hogsmeade with me," Pansy said as she rested he head on Draco's stomach.

"I said no such thing," Draco said coldly.

"It's okay if you forgot," Pansy said as she started to lift up Draco's shirt.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Draco asked as he sat up, throwing Pansy off him in the process.

"Well, I figured that since you forgot to meet me, you could make it up to me," Pansy said innocently

"First, I didn't forget to meet you, I never agreed to it. And second, I would never sleep with you, ever," Draco growled.

"But, Dra – " Pansy started.

"No, just get the fuck out. Now!" Draco growled menacingly.

Pansy didn't need to be told again, she was out of the room before Draco could blink. He hated that girl, she was very annoying, and she couldn't take a hint that he liked guys, he had told her that to her face. Draco was so close to hexing Pansy into next week. He promised himself that if Pansy tried something like that again, he would hex her into next week.

* * *

It was a few days before the Christmas break began; Harry was sitting in Transfiguration class. It was Friday, which meant that he had it with the Slytherin's. Harry was sitting in the back of the classroom by himself, Ron and Hermione where sitting up at the front of the classroom. Harry was glad that he wasn't sitting with Ron and Hermione because Hermione would usually scold him because he wasn't doing a spell right, and Ron would just agree with her.

Just because Hermione could do the spell perfectly didn't mean that everyone else could. Harry remembered last class, McGonagall had given the class a new spell to try, Harry had tried it once and he hadn't done it properly, then he had to listen to Hermione lecture him for the entire lesson. She had said things like he should pay more attention in class so that he actually learned something. But, how was he supposed to learn if Hermione continued to distract him?

That's why he was at the back of the classroom today, he was tired of listening to Hermione complain all the time because he couldn't do something right. Usually, Harry would sit with them so that nobody would suspect that something was amiss, but today, he didn't care. He knew that people would just think that they had gotten into a fight or something.

McGonagall had given them a new spell last class and they had had to practice that for homework, because Harry had been spending a lot of time alone, he had managed to perfect the spell. So, he was currently working on the essay that McGonagall had assigned for the Christmas break; he was almost done it. Harry reckoned that if he didn't become distracted for the rest of the class, that he could finish it and write his good copy. But, it didn't look like that would happen.

"Mr. Potter," McGonagall said, she was standing in front of Harry.

"Yes?" Harry asked, looking up from the essay he was working on.

"What are you doing? Why aren't you practicing the spell?" McGonagall asked.

"Because I can do it fine," Harry answered.

"Very well, let's see then," McGonagall said.

Harry sighed as he picked up his wand and revived the stunned mouse next to him. The spell would change a mammal into a fish; it was simple enough, for Harry at least. Harry concentrated on what he wanted the fish to look like before he cast the spell. The mouse slowly changed into a Siamese fighting fish. It was blue with red along the outside of its fins. Harry flicked his wand and a bowl with water in it appeared, he put the fish into the bowl and looked up at McGonagall.

"Impressive, ten points to Gryffindor," McGonagall said before she walked away.

Harry went back to writing his essay. Harry wasn't interrupted for the rest of the class; he had managed to finish the essay and the good copy five minutes before the bell rang. When the bell rang, Harry flick his wrist and the bowl and the fish disappeared, he had sent it to his dormitory. Harry walked up to McGonagall and handed her the essay, she looked a little stunned as she took it. Harry reckoned that she didn't think that anybody would be finished the assignment so soon. Usually it was Hermione to be the first one to hand in an assignment, but she hadn't even started hers yet.

Harry walked out of the classroom and headed for the dungeons for his Occlumency lesson with Severus. He was somewhat looking forward to it, spending time with Severus proved to be more fun then he ever thought, especially if Remus was there.

* * *

The students at Hogwarts were preparing to leave for the Christmas holidays. Harry was, reluctantly, walking down to the Great Hall with Ron and Hermione; he was seeing them off because he was staying at Hogwarts for Christmas, they were going to be one of the last people to leave. Harry knew that if he did walk down this them, that Ron and Hermione would suspect something, more so than they already did, and that they would start to meddle in his life even more. Harry hated it that he couldn't go anywhere without somebody asking him where he was or what he was going to do. He hated it the way that people treated him like an infant.

Harry shook his head slightly and looked up to notice that they were standing in the Great Hall

"Harry, are you sure you don't wanna come to the Burrow for Christmas?" Ron asked as he set his trunk down.

"I'm sure, I just need some time to myself," Harry said in a voice that meant that the conversation was over

"You've had enough time to yourself, Harry, you barely spend any time with us anymore," She said as she set down her trunk.

"I wonder why," Harry said coldly.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

"You're clever, you figure it out," Harry said.

"Just tell me, Harry," Hermione said, her voice raised slightly.

"Looks like you're not as clever as I thought," Harry said coldly.

"Why don't you want to spend time with us?" Hermione demanded.

"Because you can't take a hint. Because I can never go anywhere without you guys asking me where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I'm meeting," Harry said coldly.

"We ask you were you're going because we worry about you," Hermione said, her voice rising a little more.

"Worried that Voldemort's going to come and attack me?" Harry said mockingly.

"Kind of," Hermione said. "But we don't just worry about that!"

"Yea, like what?" Harry asked.

"Like…you getting hurt," Hermione said.

"Yea, right. You could care less if I got hurt!" Harry spat.

"That's not true," Ron said, trying to stop the fight that was about to occur.

"Bull-fucking-shit, Ron! The only reason you two want to be around me so much is because you can say that you were Harry Potter's best friend!" Harry spat venomously.

"That's not true, Harry!" Hermione cried.

"Don't lie, Hermione," Harry said coldly.

"I'm not! Harry, you've changed so much over the summer, and not in a good way! You've become the complete opposite of what you used to be!" Hermione shouted.

"You're so fucking blind, Hermione! This has always been the way that I am! I just chose to never show it before because that's the way I've always lived!" Harry shouted back.

"That's not true, Harry, and you know it! I know that this is just some phase, I know that it's your way of dealing with Sirius's death!" Hermione shouted.

"It is not!" Harry growled. "Sirius's death made me realize that I should hide, especially whom I really am! If you cant accept the way that I am, then I was right! You're only hanging around me because I'm famous! You just want to be known as the people who hung around with _good little Harry Potter_!" Harry shouted.

"Harry! Just stop the act and change back to the way that you were!" Hermione pleaded.

"Fuck you, Hermione!" Harry growled venomously as he turned and walked away.

Harry stormed out of the school; he flicked his wrist and cast a warming charm around himself. He had had it with Ron and Hermione, he didn't care about people suspecting things anymore, he didn't want to be around those two, he refused to be near them. He didn't care that people would notice. They were a waste of his time and patience. They didn't know anything about him; they didn't understand him or what he was going through.

They didn't understand that this was the way that Harry had always been; he had just never showed it before. They didn't understand that Sirius's death had been his fault. Harry hated himself because he knew that it was his fault that Sirius was dead. He hated himself and everything that he was. He didn't want to be famous, he didn't want the weight of the world on his shoulders, he didn't want to live with the guilt of knowing that he had caused a loved-ones death.

Harry looked up and noticed that he was in the garden; it was so beautiful during the winter. Harry sat down on a bench at the farthest end of the garden, where he was sure that nobody would find him.

Harry sighed, he couldn't deal with all the emotions that he was feeling, guilt being the strongest. He wanted it to go away, he wanted to be rid of all the emotions he felt, they were all to hard to deal with, they were getting to him. He hated Ron and Hermione for everything they did to him, he hated Dumbledore for making them do that to him, he hated himself because of what he had become. He hated himself because he had stooped to such levels as cutting and starvation.

A single tear slide down Harry face as he flicked his wrist. His razorblade appeared in his hand. Harry was just about to put the razorblade down beside him when he heard something in the bush; he reckoned that it was only the wind. Harry placed the razorblade down and rolled his sleeves before he flicked his wrist again. Pink and faded scars appeared along with violent red lines that screamed against his pale skin. He picked up his razorblade and put it against his wrist, he put a lot of pressure on it and quickly dragged it across his wrist.

Then, Harry's stomach growled, a sharp pain shot through his stomach, causing him to cut his wrist really deep. Harry smiled slightly as the blood gushed out of the open wound. Harry placed the razorblade on his forearm and put a lot of pressure on it. He dragged it slowly up to the palm of his hand, adding pressure as he went. Blood gushed out immediately.

Harry stomach let out a long, painful growl; Harry's vision was starting to become blurry. His stomach growled once more before Harry fell unconscious.

* * *

Draco had heard the entire exchange between Potter and the other two. Draco had been seeing Crabbe and Goyle off, they were going home for Christmas to receive the Dark Mark. Draco had made the decision to refuse to get it, to defy Voldemort and his father.

Draco had been outside the Great Hall when he heard Potter and the other two shouting. Draco became curious as he listened to what was said between the three, he was shocked at what he heard. He didn't think that things were like that between Potter and his friends. When Draco saw Potter storm out of the Great Hall, he decided to follow, he had told Crabbe and Goyle that he needed to go because it was important.

Draco followed Potter, making sure that they other boy didn't see him. Draco didn't know why he wanted to follow Potter, he just felt like he _had_ to. He felt like Potter was going to do something that Draco had to be there to see. Draco made sure that he couldn't be seen when Potter walked into the garden. He watched as Potter sat on a bench at the farthest end of the garden, Draco was intrigued now, what was Potter up to? Draco quietly sneaked into a near by brush.

Potter had flicked his wrist, Draco moved see what Potter had conjured up, he was shocked by what he saw, a razorblade. Draco ducked down more in the bush as Potter was about to set the razorblade down. Draco moved a branch as he tried to move down so that Potter couldn't see him. Potter stopped what he was doing and looked around for a moment before he continued what he was doing.

Draco watched as Potter rolled up his sleeves and removed the glamour charm. Draco was too far way to see any of the scars, but he could see a lot of red lines against Potter's pale wrists. Draco watched as Potter put the razorblade to his wrist and slid it slowly across, cutting really deep near the end. He watched as Potter smiled slightly and placed the razorblade on his forearm and drag it slowly up to the palm of his wrist. Draco watched as Potter's body fell limp on the bench.

* * *

Wow, that's long, lol. 11 pages. Yay! Lol…anyways…I was planning on cutting it off after Harry passed out, but I decided that I cant be that cruel to everyone! lol. but now you all have to wait until next chapter t find out what happens! Lol, so in the end…I'm still cruel and evil! MUAHAHAHA!…ok…remind me to stop drinking so much Coca-Cola in one say…lol…after about 3 litres…I get kinda hyper :P lol. So, what did you all think of this chapter? Review and let me know. Oh, and by the way, if some parts don't make sense, then that's probably because that was one of the parts that I had written when I was stoned…damn…lol…anyways!

Now, I would like to thank my WONDERFUL reviewers!

**Ruby-sama aura-chan the neko-jin's yami: **Thanks! If they did take a hint, then some of my story would be gone :P lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**The Dark's Desire:** lol, thanks! Draco and Harry are going to get to know each other better in the next few chapter :P lol. Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Shadow315: **lol, the slash will be coming soon. Patience is a virtue, my friend, lol. Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Hittocerebattosai: **lol, you're welcome :P anyways, thanks for the review and I hoe you enjoyed this chapter!

**Just-think-of-a-stupid-name-and-that's-me: **lol, well, if you write a story and insert yourself into it, then you can :P lol. Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**FroBoy: **Thanks; I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**Walking-from-Omelas: **lol, I wanna be in college! lol, I have a swirly chair too:D anywayz, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Hermione1208: **lol, ok :D. lol. Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Oxi-Nu: **It's all a matter of opinion. You may think my story fails, but other people may not. It all depends on the person. But, thanks for the review (flame) none the less!

**Jujube15:** lol, who's Dr. Frankenfurter? Lmao. Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Laurina Lalaithe:** Well, I used to do the same thing; I still do sometimes. I remember when my grandparents found out, I didn't tell them, though; the school did because they found out. For you, I suggest that you talk to your parents when you're all in the same room. Tell them that you cut, show them your wrists and explain to them why you did it. Confess to them, talk to them about things. I know a lot of cutters and (this goes for myself too) they usually cut because they don't talk about anything, the bottle everything up inside. Even when it becomes to much to deal with, they refuse to talk, so they cut themselves for temporary relief from everything.

There is also the option of not telling your parents, or course I think that it would be better if you did because if your parents ever found out on their own, things would be much harder to deal with. I know this from first hand experience.

As for finding a way to stop, I suggest writing in a diary about how you feel, write down things that are bothering you. Even though it's not talking to someone, your not keeping things bottled up anymore. That's what I do, I write in a diary and I write this story, by writing this story, I feel better about things. But, there are also other ways to stop. The good old fashion elastic around the wrist that you snap against your wrist when you feel the need to cut. Try taking Yoga, or doing something that will help relax you and make you focus on other things. Right now, I'm in kick boxing and karate, I find that they help a lot. I think that you should look into it if you want to stop.

Well, I don't know what else to say. I hope I helped you out. If you have any more questions or need some more advise, just let me know. Good luck with telling your parents!

Well, I'll see you all next chapter! Byebyez!

-Wykked As Syn


	12. Thoughts, Awakenings, and Secrets Reveal

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** There's more than meets the eye when it comes to Harry. Everything he's ever done has been an act. He's changed his appearance over the summer and everyone wants him to change back, but he refuses. He's even acting differently; he's finally decided to let the world know how he really is. He's not the Golden Boy that everyone thinks he is; he's the exact opposite. The Dursley's beat him. Harry finds release in the form of a razorblade. What happens when he finds someone who's going through the same things that he is, but they're enemies? Will they be able to settle their differences? Will they be able to save each other before it's too late? And who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Thoughts, Awakenings, And Secrets Revealed**

Draco was sitting in his room; Potter was lying on his bed, still unconscious. Draco had healed Potter's wounds until they scabbed over before he moved the boy. Draco had known that the only place he could take the boy was to his private room. Draco knew that he couldn't take the raven-haired boy to the Hospital Wing; sure, he disliked Potter, but he wasn't as cruel as to make the boy suffer more by announcing to the Wizarding World that he resorted to the means of self-harm.

When Draco had arrived at his room, he had lied Potter down on his bed and administered a blood replenishing potion, Draco always had some him his room incase he had an incident like Potter had, which he had had on more than one occasion. Now, Draco was sitting, waiting for the boy to wake up.

Draco had been shocked by what he had saw, he never expected Potter to be a cutter, as well. He had always assumed that Potter had a wonderful life, that the Muggle's he worshiped the ground that he walked on and treated him like a prince. He knew that he was wrong, now. Why else would Potter resort to such manners?

Since the beginning of the year, Draco had noticed that Potter and his friends had been getting into arguments, that they were growing farther apart, that Potter didn't want to be around them. Of course, he knew that his suspicions were right when he had had that little talk with Potter out by the mountain. Draco had always thought that Potter and his friends were inseparably, that they would always be the happy little golden trio. Oh, how he was mistaken.

Draco sighed as he grabbed his pack of cigarettes and took one out of the pack before lighting it. He took a long drag and exhaled slowly, he didn't know what to think anymore. His entire view of Potter had changed so quickly. In his mind, Potter went from the perfect little boy that was treated like royalty to a boy who lived behind the mask. He may not know Potter very well, but he could tell that there was more than meets the eye when it came to the boy.

Over the years, though nobody knew, Draco was observant of Potter. In their first year at Hogwarts he noticed that, though, Potter seemed happy, his eyes didn't show it. Potter had mostly stayed the same until their fifth year, that was when Draco noticed that the boy was show more of his true self, though, nobody but Draco seemed to notice. Now, this year, Potter had changed a lot, Draco had found out so much about the boy. He had found out that the boy smoked, did drugs and cut. Draco reckoned that nobody knew what Potter did behind closed doors.

From what Draco could tell, nobody knew what the boy had gone through in his life, even Draco didn't. Draco could tell that nobody knew who the real Harry Potter was, but people were starting to find out. The Harry Potter that everyone knew never was and never will be. Draco reckoned that he was the only one that knew how much people betrayed the raven-haired boy, though, he only knew from what he had observed, which was a lot.

Everyone thought that Potter was the perfect little boy that would never do anything wrong, that would never defy Dumbledore, that would always be there to protect them. Draco knew how wrong they were. Potter wasn't the perfect little boy that they all though he was, he wasn't even close, he was the exact opposite. Potter wasn't the little boy that would never do anything wrong, he did something wrong all the time, though, it wasn't the type of wrong to get him in trouble, to the Wizarding World, though, finding out that the Boy-Who-Lived smoked, cut and did drugs was wrong. Draco knew that Potter would defy Dumbledore; he knew that the boy already was. Draco knew that Potter wouldn't always be there to protect the Wizarding World, he knew that eventually Potter would turn his back on everyone, willing, because he would become fed up with all the bullshit that they pulled on him.

Potter, though, played his part behind the mask very well. From what Draco had gathered, Potter had made everyone think that he _was_ the perfect little boy that would never do anything wrong, that would never defy Dumbledore, that would always be there to protect them. But, Draco knew, that Potter was the exact opposite of what he made everyone believe. For a long time, though Draco would never admit it, Potter had had him fooled, too. Draco didn't know why Potter had been able to fool him because Draco had always known that Potter wasn't what he seemed. Draco reckoned that Potter was just that good at playing his part that he was able to make Draco, someone who knew he was acting and living behind a mask, believe his lies.

'_Looks like you've got everybody fooled, Hero,' _Draco thought to himself as he took a long drag of his cigarette.

* * *

Ron and Hermione walked onto the Hogwarts Express and sat down in an empty compartment at the back of the train. They were both silence, pondering what Harry had said before he left. Did he really think that the only reason they wanted to be around him was because he was famous? Did he really think that they only wanted to be around him so that they could be known as Harry Potter's best friends? Did he really think that they could care less if he got hurt or not? Was what he said about the way he was now being the way that he always was, that he just never showed it, true? 

Ron and Hermione sighed at the same time, it seemed like they were thinking the same thing. The two sat in a somewhat uncomfortable silence, one that was broken by Hermione.

"Do you think what he said was true?"

"Which part?" Ron asked.

"When he said that he's always been the way that he is now, but just never chose to show it before," Hermione said.

"I dunno." Ron said, looking out the window as the train started to move. "I dunno what to believe anymore. For all we know, what Harry said could be true."

"I know, but I don't want to think that it's true, it seems so hard to believe that it is," Hermione sighed.

"I know," Ron agreed.

After a few moments of silence Hermione spoke, "I think we should just leave him be, I mean, let him stay the way that he is until he's ready to change back."

"I dunno, what if he doesn't?" Ron asked.

"Then, we let him be that way. If this is how he wants to be, we should tell him no," Hermione said. "To each their own, right?"

"True,"

"I think we were a little hard on him this year. I mean, we told him to change back and we kept persisting that he did do so. I think that's where he gets the idea that we only want to be around him because he's famous. I know that he thinks we only want to be around him because he's famous and we'll be known as his best friends, but I want to know why he thinks that. What could have made him think that?" Hermione asked.

"I dunno, maybe because that's the way that we acted," Ron suggested.

"Maybe," Hermione said. "I think we were a little harsh on him, though. I mean, we told him what he changed in a bad way."

"You mean you told him that," Ron corrected. "But, what if he said was true? That he had always been the way that he is now?"

"Then, that would mean…I don't know what it would mean," Hermione said.

"I think it would mean that he was either been lying to us about everything, or, like he said, that he chose to never show it. But, if what he said about never choosing to show it was true, then that would mean that he was living behind a mask," Ron said. "He said that he had always been like that, he's never shown anyone his true self because that's the way he lived. But, I wonder why he's been like that. What could have happened to him to cause him to have to be like that, living behind a mask?"

"I don't know. But, Ron, we don't even know if any of this is true. We don't know if he is living behind a mask or not, we're just assuming that he is," Hermione said.

"I know, but still, there is always the possibility that it is true," Ron said.

"Yes, I know," Hermione said quietly.

"You know what I think we should do when we get back to school," Ron said.

"What?" Hermione asked, curious as to what Ron was thinking.

"I think that we should talk to him. Tell him that we don't want to be around him just because he's famous. Tell him that we want to be his friends for whom he is, not what he is. I think we should try to get him to talk to us, open up to us the way that he used to," Ron said.

"Ron, I have a feeling that Harry never really did open up to us. I think that he just told us stuff that we already knew, but phrased it differently so that it soundly like we didn't know the things that he was telling us," Hermione sighed.

"Maybe," Ron said.

The two sat in silence for a while, both thinking about the argument with Harry and the conversation that they had just had. They didn't have much to go on, it was either Harry was lying or he wasn't. The problem was, though, that they couldn't determine which one it was. If what Harry had said was true, than he had been lying to them from the start. Though, he what he said wasn't true, than he was lying to them now. Either way, Harry had lied to them.

Hermione was thinking of a way to get Harry to listen to her and Ron, but she couldn't think of anything. Also, she was thinking of what to tell him, she didn't want to force him to believe what they were saying; she wanted him to believe it on his own. She knew that the hardest part of talking to the boy would be to get him to agree to sit down and listen to what they had to say.

That was where she was stuck, how to get him to sit down and listen. Hermione knew that she had to think logically about this, she knew that she couldn't force him to listen because that would only turn him away from her even more. Hermione sighed; she knew that she had to figure out what she was going to do to make Harry listen one step at a time.

First, she would have to find a way to get Harry to sit down and listen to what she and Ron had to say. Then, she and Ron would have to figure out what to say so that they could get Harry to listen; also, they would have to figure out how to phrase what they were going to say so that they didn't anger the boy. Then, Hermione had to think of a way to coax Harry into talking about what was wrong. Hermione just hoped that if Harry did listen to her and Ron and talked to them that everything would be fine between them again. Well, with the way things were going and Hermione's assumptions, things were never already, but she hoped that after this everything would be all right.

Hermione sighed, she knew that she wouldn't get much time to think of a way to talk to Harry while she was at the Burrow; she had to think about while she was on the train. Hermione had a feeling that Ron was thinking about the same thing she was, how to talk to Harry.

Hermione knew that she and Ron couldn't corner Harry and force him to listen to what they had to say; that would only make things much worse then what they already were. There was always the possibility that she could ask him to talk, but she had a feeling that he would refuse.

Hermione was brought back from her thoughts when Ginny entered the compartment.

"Hey, guys," she said as she sat down next to Hermione. "What are you doing?"

"Thinking," Ron answered honestly.

"About what?" Ginny asked.

"Harry," Hermione said with a sigh.

"Oh, what about him?"

"Well," Hermione started but she looked at Ron to see if he was all right with her telling Ginny. When she saw that he was, she continued, "Have you noticed how things are changing between him, Ron and I?"

"Yes."

"Well, we're trying to figure out how to talk to him without him blowing up on us. We want him to talk to us, to tell us what's wrong. We want him to know that we're not hanging around him because he's famous." Hermione said.

"I can't blame him for thinking that, though," Ginny said.

"Why do you say that?" Hermione asked.

"Because, the way that you guys practically freaked out on him, telling him to change back to the way that he was before because the way that he is now isn't the real him. The way that you guys said that he was just going through a phase because Sirius died, the way that you guys told him to drop the act that he was putting on. I can't blame him for thinking that you guys only want to be around him because he's famous. Hell, if I didn't know you guys so well, I'd think the same thing," Ginny explain.

"I know, we realized what we did wrong to make him think that," Hermione said.

"Now, we want to make things right," Ron finished.

"That's understandable, but don't think that I'm getting involved in any of this," Ginny said. "You guys caused this problem, you can fix it."

"I know," Hermione said.

"Now, who's up for a game of Exploding Snap?" Ginny said excitedly. Ron and Hermione sighed, leave it to Ginny to suddenly change the subject and do something random like she just did.

* * *

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny stepped off the Hogwarts Express, only to be greeted by the rest of the Weasley family. Bill, Charlie, Percy – who had made up with his mother and father during the summer –, Fred, George, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Mrs. Weasley immediately pulled Ron, Ginny and Hermione into a hug. When Mrs. Weasley let the three teens go, she looked around before raising her eyebrow. 

"Where's Harry, dear?" She asked Ron. Ron had forgotten to write to his mother to tell her that Harry was staying at school for the holidays.

"He decided to stay at school," Ron answered in a tone that said that that topic of conversation was over, he was still somewhat angry about the argument that he, Hermione and Harry had had before they left school, though, he knew that he couldn't be if he ever wanted to make things right.

"Oh, alrighty, dear," Mrs. Weasley said. "I'll just owl him his presents."

"You do that mum," Ron said.

"OK, can we go now?" Ginny asked impatiently.

"Yep, the car is parked just outside," Mr. Weasley said.

Mrs. Weasley decided that it would be better if everyone went through the gate in pairs. First were Charlie and Mrs. Weasley, then Ron and Hermione, Fred and George, Bill and Percy, and then Mr. Weasley and Ginny. When everyone was through the gate, the ten of them made their way out of the train station and to the car that was parked outside the building, it was a car from the Ministry of Magic.

Mr. Weasley opened the trunk and Ron, Hermione and Ginny put their luggage inside, it was obvious that there was an enlargement spell used so that their entire luggage could fit inside. Mrs. Weasley then began to usher everyone into the vehicle, the inside was enlarged as well. Once everyone was seated, Mr. Weasley turned on the car and began to drive back to the Burrow.

Everyone was silent for the first ten minutes of the ride. Nobody knew what to say, it was the first time and in long while that all of the Weasley's were together and not arguing about one thing or another. It was Charlie that broke the silence.

"So, um, read any good books lately, Hermione?" He asked, the twins, Ron and Ginny snickered at that. Everybody knew that Hermione was more than likely to go into detail about every book that she read.

"A few," She answered. Everyone in the car was a little shocked that Hermione didn't go into full detail about the books that she had read.

"You feeling alright, Hermione?" Ron asked, putting his hand on her forehead for a slightly dramatic affect.

"Yes," She snapped, taking his hand off of her forehead.

"Right, then," Fred said.

"New topic," George finished.

"Who's in the lead for Quidditch," Bill asked.

"Us, obviously," Ginny said, smiling. After Harry had become Seeker again, she had tried out for Chaser and received the position, though, she hadn't told her parents yet, and she had a feeling that the question would arise soon.

"Still Seeker, Ginny," Charlie asked. Ginny tried not to roll her eyes; she knew he family too well for her own tastes.

"Nope, Chaser now," She said. "Harry's Seeker again."

"That's good to hear," Mrs. Weasley said from the front seat.

"Yea, and Ron's still Keeper," Ginny said.

"Wonderful," Mrs. Weasley said.

Everyone in the car fell silent again; nobody knew what to say. There was really nothing to talk about, well, nothing that anybody wanted to talk about, at least. After ten minutes of silence Fred spoke.

"You know, you two are awfully silent," he said, looking at Ron and Hermione.

"Usually you two are always talking about one thing or another," George said

"We're just tired," Ron lied.

"I wonder why," Charlie said with a grin.

"Charlie!" Mrs. Weasley scolded as she reached back and slapped him across the back of the head.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"You know very well what that was for," Mrs. Weasley said, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever," Charlie said.

"So, have you two?" Bill asked, glad that he was out of his mother's reach.

"Bill!" Mrs. Weasley shouted and then looked at Ginny, who nodded and then slapped Bill across the back of the head.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Why'd you do that?"

Ginny shrugged her shoulders, "Because I could."

"Right," Bill said.

"Are you gonna answer the question?" George asked before he, too, received a slap across the back of the head from Mrs. Weasley.

"Okay," Ginny said. "New topic."

Fred looked at his mother, who was watching him, and smirked evilly before saying, "So, who here's g–"

"Don't you _dare_ finish that sentence," Mrs. Weasley shouted.

"What? I was only gonna say–"

"Don't!"

"Who here's glad it's Christmas?" Fred asked before he received a slap across the back of the head. "Hey! What was that for?"

"You know why," Mrs. Weasley said.

"Right," Fred said.

"Why do you keep smacking us?" George asked.

"Because I can," Mrs. Weasley answered, shrugging her shoulders.

"We feel _so_ loved," Charlie, Bill, Fred and George said in unison.

"We're here," Mr. Weasley said.

"Finally," Ron said.

* * *

Draco sighed, it had been three hours and Potter still hadn't awakened. Draco hadn't left his room during the entire three hours that Potter had been in it, for fear of what would happen if Potter woke up and Draco wasn't around to stop him from doing something regretful. 

Though, Draco would never admit it, he was scared about what would happen when Potter awoke. What would he tell him? _'Oh, I know your little secret, Hero,'_ Draco didn't think that saying that would go over well with the other boy. Draco sighed and cursed himself, what was he thinking when he brought Potter to his room? Maybe, it was the fact that he knew that someone else did the same thing that he did, or maybe he wanted a change to redeem himself in Potter's eyes.

When Potter had refused Draco's friendship all those years ago, Draco was hurt, upset, and angry. He wanted to make Potter pay for making him feel like that, that was when all the fights started and had continued, until this year. Draco could tell, just by looking at Potter, that the boy had changed, a lot. Not just his appearance, but also the way that Potter held himself and interacted with other people.

Draco had noticed, during meals and classes, that Potter had grown distant; he didn't talk to Weasley and Granger. Also, he noticed that Potter had lost his arrogant glow that had surrounded him for the last five years. He sad down, still thinking, he came to the conclusion that that glow of arrogance was never even there to begin with, he had made himself belief that it was there because he was angry and hurt, and slightly jealous, though he would never admit, that Weasley and Granger were friends with Potter.

Draco sighed, he knew that it was wrong of him to treat Potter, Weasley and Granger the way that he had because he was angry, hurt, sad, and, slightly, jealous. He wanted to apologize to them and call a truce, but he knew that things were never that easy. Why did they have to listen to him for anyway? He was the kid that had bullied them for the last five years. Even if they did listen, they would probably think that he was up to something, waiting to do something to them.

Now, Draco was presented with the chance to make a truce with Potter. Though, he had no idea what to say to Potter when he was listening, or even what to say to get the boy to listen. If he were honest with himself, he was scared and feared when Potter would awaken. How would Potter react? What would he say? What would he do? That's what scared Draco, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to react in a situation like this, he didn't know how he was going to act period, he didn't know what to say or what to do.

Reaching over, Draco grabbed the pack of cigarettes and light off his desk before he took out a cigarette and lit it. He took a long drag; his nerves were slightly shot. He didn't even know exactly why he was worrying over the boy, or even wanted to call a truce, all he knew that the boy had changed and he had become intrigued. Draco took another long drag of his cigarette, sometimes, he was too curious for his own good. That was got him into the situation he was in right now, his curiosity. He cursed his curiosity to hell and back, it was more trouble then it was worth.

Helping Potter was more trouble then it was worth. Yet, he did it, despite the consequences that would arise when the boy awoke. Draco took a drag of his cigarette and sighed, aside from the fact that Potter did the same things he did, why did he even want to befriend the boy? To spite his father? Draco didn't think that that was why he was doing what he did. He had already done that, spite his father, when to refused to take the Dark Mark. No, something about this boy really intrigued, not just the fact they did some of the same things, like cutting and smoking and doing drugs, but it was deeper than that. Draco reached over and put his cigarette out in the ashtray on his desk.

Knowing that Potter did some of the same things as him, Draco wanted to find out more about the boy laying in his bed, he wanted to know why the boy did them, what happened to him to make him do that, he wanted to know if he could help, though he would never admit. He wanted to talk to Potter and stuff, he get to know the boy to the point where they were friends. The only thing was, was why did he want to do it anyway? Draco wanted to know why he had a sudden interest in Potter; he never had before.

Draco sighed, he hated some of the things that he did when he wasn't thinking. This had to rank top one, bring Potter back to his room because he saw him pass out from the lack of blood from cutting. Why did he do such regrettable things? Why didn't he think before he took action? Draco knew that it was just the way that he was, and that he couldn't completely control acting like that. He hated it, he wanted to change and be able to control himself, he hated himself for acting like that.

Draco was brought back from his thoughts when he heard Potter stir slightly. Draco sighed, he knew that the time was drawing nearer until he would have to face Potter and tell him what happened. Though, he had no idea about what he was going to say or how to say it.

Reaching over to his desk, Draco grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lighter, before he took a cigarette out of his pack and lit it. He took a long drag and exhaled slowly. He had a feeling that Potter was going to need a cigarette when he awoke. Draco reckoned that Potter was going to need one much more then he did. All hell was going to break loose when Potter awoke; Draco had a strong feeling about that.

Sighing, Draco tried to figure out what he was going to say. _'Don't worry, I wont tell anyone about your little secret, Hero,' _Draco didn't think saying that would go over well with Potter. Draco took a long drag of his cigarette; he was screwed. He had no way out of the situation that he was in. He sighed, he didn't know why he was worrying about what he was going to say, he knew that even if he had planned something, he would just wing it when Potter awoke.

That was Draco's plan, now; he would just wing it, think about what he was saying while he was saying it. Draco took a drag of his cigarette; he noticed Potter was starting to stir more.

'_Shit,'_ He thought, as he took a drag of his cigarette. Potter was starting to move around more.

A moment later, Potter sat up before taking in his surroundings. "Fuck," Potter cursed under his breath when he saw Draco. _'What am I doing here? Fuck, if I'm here and so is Malfoy, then he knows!'_ Potter thought. _'I need to find a way to make sure that he doesn't tell anyone!'_

"What am I doing here, Malfoy?" Harry asked coldly. _'Best not to let anything show…wait! Where's my razorblade?'_

Draco sighed, "You passed out and I brought you here."

"Why? Wait, where is it?" Potter demanded.

"Where's what?" Draco asked.

"My razorblade," Harry growled, if he didn't get back his razorblade someone was going to get hurt.

Draco walked over to his robe and dug in his pocket. He pulled out Potter's razorblade before he tossed it to the boy. Potter caught the razorblade and put it in his pocket.

"Now," Harry said. "Why did you bring me here?"

"Because, I watched what happened before you passed out and I think I know what you're going through," Draco said honestly.

"What? Are you my stalker now or something?" Harry growled.

"No," Draco said.

"Then how did you know where I was?" Harry asked coldly.

"Because, I over heard your argument with Weasley and Granger and I saw you storm out of the Great Hall," Draco answered.

"Whatever! I don't know what game you're playing Malfoy, but I'm not!" Harry said.

"What are you talking about?" Draco asked; he was starting to get annoyed.

"Why did you bring me here? And don't say it's because you know what I'm going through, because you don't! You have no idea what I've been through and what I'm going through! And you never will, you're a spoiled, selfish, spiteful, fucking asshole. You get everything that you want! Your daddy's little boy! So, how would you know what I'm going through?" Harry shouted.

Draco reached over to his desk, grabbed his pack of cigarettes and light, then tossed them to Potter before saying, "Here, calm down."

Potter looked at Draco for a second before he took a cigarette out of the pack and lighting it. He threw that pack and lighter back to Draco before he said, "Thanks."

"And, just to let you know, I'm not daddy's little boy. I don't get everything that I want, and I never have," Draco said.

"So, that still doesn't mean that you know what I'm going through," Potter said as he took a long drag of his cigarette. "Also, I don't think that that's the real reason why you brought me here."

"Oh, and prey tell, why do you think I brought you here, Hero?" Draco asked in an indifferent tone.

"To ask me question about it and then tell everyone that I do it," Potter sneered.

"That's not even close. I have no intentions of telling anyone that you cut," Draco said calmly, though, inside, he was scared.

"Bullshit," Potter said.

"I'm telling the truth. Trust me when I say that I know what you're going through. And when I say that I'm not going to tell anyone," Draco said.

"Why should I?" Potter asked.

Draco sighed, he could only think of one way to make Potter believe what he was saying. Though, was it worth what he was about to do? Draco knew that if he ever wanted to gain Potter's trust and get to know him, then he knew that he had to do it, he had to risk something. Draco rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, and held out his arms, palm up.

Potter gasped, he had no idea that Draco was like that. _'What reason does he have for doing that, though? He's got the perfect life,'_ Potter thought. _'Malfoy has no reason to cut, he's never been through the things that I have, not even close.'_

"Now, do you believe me?" Draco asked as he rolled down his sleeves.

"You've got the perfect life, why the fuck do you need to resort to something like that?" Potter asked as he took a drag of his cigarette.

"No, I don't have the perfect life, Hero," Draco said. "I've gone through things that you can't even imagine."

"I'm sure," Potter said sarcastically. "And, why are you showing that to me?"

"Because, that way, if I tell people that you cut, you can tell people that I do, too," Draco said.

"Ok," Potter said slowly. "What are you up to?"

"I want to call a truce," Draco said.

"Why?" Potter asked.

"Because, I don't think that I'm the only one that is getting tired and growing old or our constant fights. I tired of always arguing with you. We argue over fuck all, for no reason. I just want to put everything behind me and move on. I was wondering if we could try and become friends or something," Draco said.

"How do I know that this isn't some sort of trick?" Potter asked.

"Honestly, Hero, what reason do I have for playing a trick? We've shared a hotel room for half of the summer; if I had any reason to play a trick I would have done it then. Also, I'm sure that you've noticed that nobody knows that we stayed in the same hotel room together, or that you or I smoke and that you and I got stoned together. If I were going to say shit about you, don't you think I would have done it long before now? Remember at the beginning of the year before we got onto the train, you asked me not to bug you too much this year? Well, I haven't even talked to you except for in classes and that time by the mountain," Draco said. "Like I said, if I were going to do something, I would have done it already."

"You prove a good point," Potter said.

"Truce," Draco said and held out his hand.

"Truce," Potter said as he shook Draco's hand.

* * *

OMG! I updated! Yay! Lol…I think that this chapter really sucked but…let me know what you think! Okay, now, im gonna answer a question that you're all probably wondering about. Why I changed the name from "My Immortal" to "My Hero" well…that's kinda easy kinda complicated…lol. Well, ive been working on my story a lot and I've come up with a few idea's and I'm making a huge change in the plot. So, My Hero goes with it all sooo much better. Lol. but yea…who here likes the new name? Let me know! Lol. also, updates, like I said wont be coming as fast, but I'm hoping to update at least twice a month…so keep a look out for the next chapter, which I've already started to work on. 

Also, I wrote the first and last sections when I was stoned, and the middle two sections when I was extremely hyper. So, if this chapter doesn't make that much sense…then don't worry…im working on fixing everything…lol…eventually. Lol.

Now! I'd like to thank my WONDERFUL reviewers!

**Hallix: **Thank you for wishing me luck on my case. Also, I'm glad that you like my story. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Leader of the 'track down Peter Pettigrew and kill him in a horrible way' hunt squad:** lol. um…what's a bint? Lmao. omg…my counselor questioned my sanity the last session that I had with her…lol. Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Ruby-sama aura-chan the neko-jin's yami:** lol. yea. Thank you for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**The Dark's Desire: **lmao! I love your reviews; they always make me laugh. Lol. Anyways, I have to agree with you on the Ron, Hermione and Pansy thing…lol but im got so sure about Draco belonging to all those people. Lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Walking-From-Omelas:** lol. I hope this isn't a cliff hanger for you…lol. but, don't worry, if it is, the next chapter is on its way…I say about a week or two…lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Hermione1208:** …is that a good thing or a bad thing? Lol… Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**MidnightsRose: **Thanks for the compliment. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

(Chapter 1) Thank you. I hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**JuJube15:** I see what you mean! Lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Thank you! I hope you had a Merry Christmas! I know I did. Lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**BluEmptyness: **(Chapter 1) lol, yea, you spelled it wrong, its especially. Lol. I listen to that some for most of the time that I read the chapter. Lol Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

(Chapter 12) lol, thanks! Yea, I agree with you about Ron and Hermione! Lol. about the Pansy thing…it was scary for me to write it…lol.

**Hittocerebattosai:** Aww! It's reviews like that that make me happy all day long! Thank you for the compliments! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for the review!

**FroBoy:** I just realized something…lol. that that's all you say, how come? Why do you make conversation like other reviews? Lol, you don't have to answer that if you don't want…but I was just wondering…lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Vudu:** Thank you so much! Just knowing that people are wishing me luck on my case makes me think that I really can pull through and bring the bastard down! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Just-think-of-a-stupid-name-and-that's-me:** Thanks. I know…ive read a few stories where the author abandons it because they get bored. I'm never gonna do that with this story…ive even got some of the sequel planned out! Lol…hint hint. I hope you and a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Hikari Guardian:** Aww! Thanks you sooo much! That's such a beautiful review! You've just helped put me into an even better mood! Thanks soooo much for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Keahi17:** Thank you. I hope you had a Merry Christmas! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**GaiazHeart:** lol. Thank you! I hope this is enough interaction between Harry and Draco for now! Lol, don't worry; there will be more in the next chapter! Lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**SilverScorpianWolfGirl:** lol. I hope that is enough Harry and Draco action for you for now. lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Sima:** Yea, I know what you mean. I'm glad that you love my story! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Aminewolfgurl:** Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**TenshiZujin:** Thank you. Yea, I know it's becoming harder to find any good Harry/Draco pairing with good angst and stuff. Hell, it's getting harder and harder to find ANY good Harry/Draco pairings. Lol Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Anyways! I hope all of you had a VERY Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Please, review and tell me what you thought of this chapter! Like I said, I think this chapter kinda sucks, but, that's just me! I wanna know you what guys all think! So…Review! Until next chapter! Byebyez!

-Wykked As Syn


	13. Christmas Break I

**Note** This is NOT a one-shot fic. It has a plot. Slash. 

**Summary:** There's more than meets the eye when it comes to Harry. Everything he's ever done has been an act. He's changed his appearance over the summer and everyone wants him to change back, but he refuses. He's even acting differently; he's finally decided to let the world know how he really is. He's not the Golden Boy that everyone thinks he is; he's the exact opposite. The Dursley's beat him. Harry finds release in the form of a razorblade. What happens when he finds someone who's going through the same things that he is, but they're enemies? Will they be able to settle their differences? Will they be able to save each other before it's too late? And who will win the war? Read to find out.

**This story will be rated for the following reasons:**

Violence (abuse)

Language

Nudity/Graphic Sex (in later chapters)

Self-harming

Other

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot, and a few other things that will appear in later chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Christmas Break I**

Harry went back to the Gryffindor common room; he thought about what had happened between him and Malfoy. He didn't know why, but he felt that Malfoy had been honest with him. The blonde had given a good point, if he wanted to play some sort of trick on Harry, he would have don tit already. Also, seeing the cuts on Malfoy's arms, Harry's perspective of Malfoy had changed a bit.

With the information he had obtained about Malfoy, Harry wanted to get to know the blonde. They seemed to have a few things in common; cutting, smoking, doing drugs. Harry wondered what else he had Malfoy had in common. Harry sighed; another part of him wanted to believe that Malfoy was up to something because that had been the way it was for the last five years, Though, even though a part of him wanted to believe that, that same part of him knew that it was wrong, that Malfoy had been honest with him.

Looking up, Harry realized that he was standing in front of the Fat Lady's portrait. "Draconis Cruor," he said. The portrait swung open and Harry walked in before he walked over to a couch in front of the fire and sat down.

Harry sighed as he stared into the fire for a moment, his mind blank. Then reality came crashing down on him. What was he thinking when he accepted Malfoy's truce? Why did he do it? To make sure that Malfoy didn't say anything about his little secret. No, he already knew that Malfoy wouldn't say anything because he knew Malfoy's secret. Harry knew that he wasn't thinking properly when he accepted the truce, had he been thinking properly, he would have declined. He and Malfoy never got along and they never would, would they?

'_No,'_ Harry thought. _'Malfoy and I will never get along.'_

Standing abruptly, Harry went up to the boys' dormitory. When he entered the room, he walked over to the nightstand next to his bed. Harry flicked his wrist, taking down the locking charm that he always had on the bottom drawer, before he pulled open the drawer and withdrew his pack of cigarettes. He opened the pack and took out a cigarette before he put the end between his lips and lit it, taking a long drag.

Harry was glad that he didn't go to the Burrow for Christmas and that he was the only Gryffindor that stayed behind, that meant he could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Also, being the only person in Gryffindor Tower gave him plenty of time to think, something that he never had much time to do when others were around. He could do his homework properly, with Hermione breathing down his next and hassling him for everything he did incorrectly.

Sighing, Harry took another long drag of his cigarette as he lay on his back on his bed. He tried to keep his mind blank so that he didn't think of anything that he didn't want to. Though, he failed miserably, his mind kept wandering back to Malfoy and the truce. Why did he do it? Malfoy was a jerk that had made his life miserable for the last five years. He was always trying to get Harry into trouble for one thing or another.

Harry leaned over and opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand before he pulled out an ashtray. Harry knew he had to admit that Malfoy had changed. When he and Malfoy had shared the same hotel room for a month, they had basically been civil to each other and didn't bother the other. When Harry had asked Malfoy not to bother him this year, Malfoy had complied. And now, Malfoy had help him, and probably saved his life.

Harry sighed as he realized that he and Malfoy had something else in common, they both had everybody fooled. They both had people thinking that everything was fine and that nothing was wrong. Though, Harry knew that he had a few people who thought that something was wrong. He reckoned that Malfoy did, too. Harry knew that if he wanted everyone to think that things where fine then he would have to stop yelling at Ron and Hermione, though, he didn't think that he could. They annoyed him too much and they pried in his life and in things that were none of their concern.

Reaching over, Harry flicked the ash off the end his cigarette into the ashtray before he took a drag. Maybe if he tried harder not to yell at his so-called friends, then people would think that things were fine. Though, he doubted that even if he stopped arguing with them, they would still think that something was wrong. He wondered if Malfoy had this problem, then he cursed himself for even thinking about the blonde.

Taking a long drag of his cigarette, Harry exhaled slowly. He didn't know whether to think that Malfoy was up to something or if he wasn't. Malfoy was always up to something, why would now be any different? Though, Malfoy wouldn't have shown Harry his arms if he was up to something.

Harry sighed; he didn't know what to think. Everything was so confusing at the moment; he didn't know what to believe. Maybe, he would wake up, on the bench and find out that everything was just a dream, that Malfoy hadn't followed him and taken him to his room. Harry hoped that he would wake up on the bench covered in blood. Though, he doubted that something like that would ever happen, wonderful things like that _never_ happened to him.

Harry took a few more drags of his cigarette before he put it out in the ashtray. He lied on his back and stared at the hangs on his bed for a few moments before he decided to go down to the kitchens, he hadn't eaten today and it was the day that he allowed himself to eat.

Standing, Harry left the boys' dormitory and walked through the Gryffindor common room. He pushed open the portrait of the Fat Lady and stepped out. Even though there weren't many students that stayed behind for Christmas, he hoped that he didn't run into anybody, he was in no mood to deal with anybody or even see anybody. He wanted to go down to the kitchens, have a piece of bread and go back to Gryffindor Tower without seeing anybody.

After a few moments, Harry looked up to see that he was walking down the corridor that led to the kitchens. When he reached the portrait of the fruit bowl, he reached up and tickled the pear until it turned into a handle. He opened the portrait and was instantly surrounded by house-elves. Harry waited until most of the house-elves calmed down before he asked one of them for two pieces of bread with nothing on them and a cup of green tea.

While the house-elves retrieved his food, Harry walked over to one of the table that was placed exactly under the ones in the Great Hall. That was when he noticed that he wasn't the only student in the kitchens. Harry sighed; he walked over and sat across from the other student, who had a bowl of soup and two pieces of buttered bread in front of them. Even though he didn't want to be around anybody, he needed to talk to this person about a few things.

"Malfoy," Harry said.

"Hero," Malfoy said with a slight nod of his head.

"Look, we –" Harry's sentence was cut off when a house-elf placed two pieces of bread and a cup of green tea in front of him, he thanks the house-elf before he began to speak again. "We need to talk."

"What about?" Malfoy asked.

"Why did you follow me after my argument with Hermione and Ron?" Harry asked as he took a sip of his tea.

"I dunno, I guess I was just curious. I mean, you and your friend have been arguing a lot all year, and I've been around a few times when you've taken off after yelling at them. I guess my curiosity got the better of me this time," Malfoy said as he picked up the spoon that was next to the bread and dipped it into the soup before he brought up to his lips and put it into his mouth.

"Fair enough," Harry said as he took a small bite of bread. "But, how do I know that you're not planning something?"

"Because, Hero," Malfoy drawled. "If you must know, I refused to return home this Christmas for a very good reason. My father wanted me to receive the Dark Mark and I refuse to get it. Therefore, I cannot be planning something; I would have nothing to gain from it."

"How do I know that you're telling me the truth?" Harry asked.

Malfoy sighed, "Crabbe and Goyle went home this Christmas to receive the Dark Mark. As, I'm sure you know, wherever I go, they go. And, obviously, they are not here following me around."

"I guess," Harry said. "But, why do you suddenly want a truce and to be my friend? I thought you hated me."

"Hated is the key word in your sentence there, Hero," Malfoy said.

"What do you mean? Are you saying that you don't hate me anymore?" Harry asked as he took a sip of his tea.

"Something kind of like that," Malfoy said as he picked up a piece of bread, folded it in half and dipped a small portion into the soup before he took a bite of the bread where the soup was. "But, I think it's best if we save that for another conversation."

"Whatever," Harry said as he took another small bite of bread. "Tell me, then, why did you refuse to take the Dark Mark?"

"That is best saved for some other time," Malfoy said.

The two sat in silence for a few moments, Malfoy was half-way finished his soup and Harry was almost finished his first piece of bread. Harry's mind was reeling with all the questions that he could ask Malfoy, though, the way that Malfoy answered this last two questions, Harry reckoned that he wouldn't get much of an answer out of the blonde. Though, it was worth a try, wasn't it?

"Why did you help me? Why didn't you just bring me to the Hospital Wing?" Harry asked, startling Malfoy slightly.

"I helped you because I wanted to, well, more or less because I was shocked to see you doing something like that. I know that you're probably tired of people being shocked because you did something that people never expected you to do. I mean, I know that you were having issues in your life, but I didn't think that they were _that_ bad, that's why I was shocked. I'm just saying that because I don't want you to freak out on my like you do to Weasel and Granger." Malfoy said and then took a mouthful of soup. "As for why I didn't bring you to the Hospital Wing, that's an easy answer. I knew that, had I brought you there, the entire Wizarding World would have known your secret come morning."

"I guess that make enough sense," Harry said as he finished the last bite of his bread. "I still don't understand why you wanted to call a truce and possibly become friends."

"Again, that is best left for another time, Hero," Malfoy said.

"Whatever," Harry said as he took a sip of his tea. "I hope you realize that by not answering my questions it makes me think that you actually _are_ up to something."

"Yes, I've realized that. But, this is neither the time nor place for me to tell you," said Malfoy. "Don't worry, though, I will tell you soon."

"Whatever," Harry said.

The silence that the two had been sitting in for a few moments was broken when house-elves began to crowd around the entrance of the kitchens. Both Harry and Malfoy looked over to see who it was that had arrived. Harry groaned and Malfoy had a stoic look on his face, masking what he was really feeling.

'_Doesn't that meddling old bastard have somewhere else to be?'_ Harry thought to himself. _'Why is it that I can never get away from him?'_

"Fuck," Harry cursed under his breath when he saw that the Headmaster had spotted him.

"Ah, Mister Potter, good evening," Dumbledore said as he started to walk toward Harry.

'_What's so good about it?'_ Harry though bitterly, though, after years of practice, he looked normally as he spoke. "Good evening, sir."

Dumbledore was standing at the end of the table, now. "Mister Malfoy, how are you this evening? Doing well, I presume."

"Yes," Malfoy said, the stoic look still masked his emotions.

"Wonderful," Dumbledore said cheerily. "I see you two are finally getting along."

"Yes," Harry said not looking at the Headmaster.

"That's great!" Dumbledore exclaimed with a twinkle in his eye. "What's wrong, Harry?"

"Nothing, I'm just a little tired," Harry lied easily.

"Well, maybe you should go and get some rest," Dumbledore offered.

"I'll be fine," Harry said, still not looking at the meddling old man.

The three sat in silence for a moment. Harry had to make sure that he acted the same way he had been a few moments ago when he felt the Headmaster enter his mind. Harry took a sip of his tea as he closed his mind.

'_Motherfucker, he's always trying to enter my mind,'_ Harry had to stop himself from smirking when an idea came to him. _'The old man's in for an eye full.'_

Harry let down the barriers around his mind a little, just to see if the Headmaster was still invading his mind. Harry wasn't surprised to see that the old man was. Remembering what Severus taught him, Harry selected a certain memory and focused on it as he slowly let the barrier around his mind down.

The memory that Harry was focusing on was one of the times that he had gone to a rave with Brian and Justin. He was in some room, with a guy that he had never met before. The guy was around eighteen or nineteen, he was on his hands and knees as Harry pounded into him. Harry focused on the memory for a few seconds longer before he changed it.

Now, he was at a popular club, he was in the backroom. Some guy around the twenty- two was on his knees, Harry was against the wall. The guy was sucking him off, if Harry remembered correctly, that guys was an expert at giving blow-jobs and he was into bondage, something that Harry didn't mind. Harry fast-forwarded through the memory until he was at the part that he wanted. The guy was blindfolded, lying on his back and tied to the bed with leather straps. Harry was straddling his waist; he had a lit candle in his right hand. Harry was slowly dripping it on random places on the guy. Harry fast-forwarded the memory a little more. Now, the guy was lying on his stomach, still tied to the bed. Harry had just entered him.

Still feeling the Headmasters presence inside his head, Harry knew that he could keep up the memories all night and well into the morning. Before Harry changed the memory, Harry was looking down at his last piece of bread, still looking down, Harry looked at the Headmaster out of the corner of his eye; the old man was pale. Harry wanted to see how pale he could make the meddling old bastard go.

Harry choose the only memory he could think of that would make the Headmaster go ghost-white. It was one of his more recent memories. He was in a bedroom; he was straddling some guys' waist. Harry was quite pleased with this guy because he was into sort of S & M, something that Harry enjoyed. Harry had leaned over and grabbed a knife from the night-stand next to the bed. Then, he placed the tip of the knife just above the first button; he began to drag the knife down the guys chest, cutting the shirt and the guys' chest lightly, but enough to cause some blood to leave the wound. When Harry had finished dragging the knife down the guys' chest, he had dragged the knife horizontally from about an inch above the waist band of the guys' pants.

Then, Harry shifted himself so that he was straddling the guys' thighs before he leaned down and began licking up the blood, at the same time he was rubbing the guy through his pants. When Harry had finished licking the blood, the wounds were still bleeding lightly. Harry had leaned over, still rubbing the guys' crotch, and grabbed a lit candle. He lowered the candle until it was about two inches from the guys' skin, then he tipped it over slightly, causing the hot wax to fall over the guys' open wounds. Harry continued to do that until all of the wounds were covered in wax, all the time, Harry never stopped rubbing the guy. Harry then had slowly started to peel of the wax, as painfully as he could.

Harry's memory was interrupted when Dumbledore stood abruptly. Harry looked up at the man; he was extraordinarily pale; Harry had a look of indifference on his face. _'Serves the manipulating bastard right. He got what he deserved, maybe that'll teach him to try and enter my mind without my permission,' _Harry thought.

"Well, I best be off. I wish you two a good night," Dumbledore said before he began to walk out of the kitchen.

After Dumbledore left the kitchen, Harry went back to eating his last piece of bread as if nothing happened. Harry felt Malfoy's gaze on him, when he looked up he saw Malfoy giving him a calculating look. Harry raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'what'. Malfoy's brows furrowed, he looked as if he was trying to figure out what had just happened with Dumbledore. Harry ducked his head down and took a small bite of his bread with a look of indifference, though, it was becoming harder to keep his face blank.

"What was that about?" Malfoy asked; brows still furrowed in thought.

"What was what about?" Harry asked, taking a sip of his lukewarm tea.

"Dumbledore, he sat down and from there he started to go pale," Malfoy said.

"I hadn't noticed," Harry lied.

"Bullshit. What did you do?" Malfoy asked.

"That is best left for some other time," Harry said with a smirk as he stood up. "Later, Malfoy."

* * *

It was the day after the incident in the kitchens with Dumbledore; Harry was walking down to the dungeons for his Occlumency lesson with Severus. Over the last month or so, Harry had become really good at Occlumency, though, if he wasn't then he wouldn't have been able to do what he did to Dumbledore. He smirked slightly at the thought; he reckoned that the headmaster would never act the same around him again.

Though, there was the fact that the old man would start to keep a closer watch on him and try to meddling and control his life even more then before. Harry found that he really didn't care, Dumbledore could try to control his life and Harry would stand by and watch him fail miserably. He knew that Dumbledore would go to any length to get what he wanted, though, what the old man didn't know was that Harry would go to any length to stop him.

Harry knew that there were two ways of dealing with Dumbledore. He could either act like everything was perfectly fine, or he could be incredibly defiant. Harry liked the latter the best, but he decided to go with the former and if Dumbledore continued to try and control him, that would be when Harry would be defiant.

It seemed like a good plan to Harry, act like everything was fine and if that didn't work, be defiant. Harry reckoned that if he tried hard enough he could probably manipulate Dumbledore, just like he manipulated Harry, without the other person ever knowing what was happening.

Sometimes Harry wondered why he didn't let the Sorting Hat place him in Slytherin. Harry had to stop plotting and pondering over what he did when he was eleven because he came to the doors that led to Severus's private quarters. Harry didn't bother to knock, as usual, before he entered; he was greeted with an interesting site.

Severus was sitting at his desk; his head tilted back and turned slightly to his left. Remus was leaning down; his lips were connected to Severus's. It was obvious that the two adults were having a very heated snog session.

"I really need to learn to knock," Harry said under his breath. Then, he spoke in a normal voice, "Okay, guys, break it up. There'll be plenty of time for face sucking later."

When Harry said that, the two men jumped apart, startled. It took the adults a second to compose themselves, then Severus spoke, "Mr. Potter, learn to knock before you enter my rooms."

"Yes, _Professor_," Harry said with a smirk as he closed the door behind him. When the door closed, Remus started laughing, Severus started chuckling and Harry just continued smirking.

"Well, shall we begin our lesson?" Severus asked.

"Whatever," Harry said, walking over to where he usually stood.

"Okay, tonight, we're going to be trying something different," Severus explained. "When I cast the spell I want you to use mind to repel it and us it on me."

"Okay," Harry said tiredly.

That night he had not had much sleep, he knew that Severus was probably going to be angry with him because he wasn't able to do his best, but he didn't really care much. When Severus cast the spell, Harry found out how tired he really was, he couldn't even close him mind properly, no matter how hard he tried. Harry knew that Severus was seeing the memories that were still fresh in his mind, the three memories that he had showed Dumbledore the previous night.

When Harry felt the spell lift, he fell to his knees. Remus, who was sitting on a nearby couch, stood up, walked over to Harry, and held a hand out to the boy. Harry grasped the hand and let Remus help him to his feet. The two looked over at Severus, who hadn't moved, and saw that he had gone more pale then usual. Then, Severus moved, he walked over to the couch the Remus had been sitting on only a moment before.

Everything was quiet for a moment, and then Severus spoke, "That's what he was talking about."

"Huh?" Harry said, looking over at Remus, who raised an eyebrow.

"Dumbledore," Severus said shakily.

Realization dawned on Remus, "What did you see?" he asked, looking at Severus and then looking at Harry, who looked slightly confused.

"What Dumbledore saw," Severus said, then he looked at Harry. "Harry, last night Dumbledore came to me. He said that he saw you in the kitchen. He wasn't making much sense, he was in a state of shock. He said he saw something. I understand why he was in shock, now."

"What he saw was minor. It's nothing compared to the other things I've done," Harry said. "Exactly what did Dumbledore say?"

"He said that he sat down next to you and that's when he saw everything," Severus said.

"That's bullshit!" Harry exclaimed. "He came into the kitchen, sat down next to me and tried to enter my fucking mind, again! I closed my mind, and then I decided to have a little fun. So, I did."

"Harry, you know you shouldn't have done it, though, right?" Remus asked.

"I don't care," Harry said coldly. "It'll teach him to quit entering my mind whenever the hell he wants."

"Harry, if you stop defying him, he wouldn't try to enter your mind," Remus said calmly.

"How the fuck am I defying him? By refusing to take out my piercings? By being myself?" Harry asked, raising his voice slightly.

"Something like that," Severus said.

"Well, sorry I'm not his _perfect little Golden Boy_. I'm not changing the way I am because he wants me to, or because anyone else wants me to," Harry said.

"I know, but, if you want him out of your life, you have to," Remus said.

"Fuck him, then," Harry snapped. "I'm sick and tired of all the lies he tells me, all the things he keeps from me. I don't care if he starts telling me everything, I'll still hate him and I won't change the way I am."

"Harry, you're going to have to," Severus said, Remus nodded in agreement.

"So, you guys want me to change, too. Well, fuck the both of you, too," Harry snapped.

"Not really," Severus said.

"Whatever," Harry snapped.

"Harry, calm down," Remus said.

"How the fuck do you expect me to calm down when everyone wants me to change the way I am?" Harry snapped.

"Harry, please calm down," Severus said as he waved his hand, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter appeared. He tossed them to Harry, "Here."

"Thanks," Harry said as he opened the pack, took out a cigarette and put the end between his lips before lighting it. He took a long drag and exhaled slowly.

"Are you going to calm down now?" Severus asked.

"Maybe," Harry said coldly.

"Harry, we don't want you to change the way you are, we just don't want to hear Dumbledore ranting and raving about how you're not the way that you used to be," Remus said. "We just want what's best for you."

"Oh, where have I heard that before?" Harry said sarcastically.

"Harry," Remus sighed.

"Save, I know that you're trying to cover up the fact that you want me to change. I really don't care if you want me to or not, just don't lie to me about it," Harry said coldly.

"We don't want you to change, not the way that you act, at least. But, we think that it would be better if you changed your appearance and stuff until Dumbledore stops interfering with your life," Severus said.

"Well, I'm not going to, I can handle him. Like you said, he came to you last night in a state of shock. If he enters my mind again, I can promise you that he'll have to go to St. Mungo's from some serious therapy," Harry said as he took a drag of his cigarette.

"Don't do it Harry, please," Severus begged.

"Why shouldn't I?" Harry asked.

"Because, I'll be the one that has to deal with him right after you do that," Severus said.

"And I care because?" Harry asked taking a drag of his cigarette. He flicked his wrist and an ashtray appeared, he flicked the end of his cigarette in it.

Severus gave Harry a blank before saying, "If you do, I'll chop you up and use you for my potion ingredients."

"Empty threat," Harry said

"I think you should go now, Harry, Dumbledore's going to be here in about five minutes," Remus said.

"Whatever," Harry said as he took one last drag of his cigarette before he put it out in the ashtray.

* * *

It was Christmas Eve; Harry was sitting in the Astronomy Tower, a joint in his hand. He had just lit it and taken three drags of it and he could already feel it starting to affect him. He reckoned that he was from the lack of food, sleep and blood. He took a few more drags and he could already feel the affects of the drug pretty well. Things were becoming shiny for him and they looked funny, causing him to laugh.

Just as he was about to take another drag when the door to the Astronomy Tower opened, causing him to smile a little. The person that entered walked over to him and sat down. "Here, Malfoy," Harry said, passing the joint to the blonde.

"Thanks," Malfoy said as he took the joint from Harry and took a long drag of it, holding it in for a few seconds before he exhaled.

"Yea," Harry said, smiling, as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a new joint. He placed it between his lips and lit, taking a long drag.

"Where do you get your drugs from?" Malfoy asked. "It seems like every time I see you, you have some."

"I've have my connections," Harry said.

"In the school?" Malfoy asked.

"No," Harry said.

"Oh, how do you get it in without people knowing?" Malfoy asked as he took a drag of his joint.

"I have my ways," Harry said.

"Interesting," Malfoy said.

"Yea," Harry said as he took a long drag of his joint and held it in before exhaling slowly.

By the time that Harry was halfway finished his new joint, he and Malfoy were in fits of giggles, Malfoy had already finished the joint that Harry had given him. Harry took a long drag of his joint before he passed it to Malfoy. Malfoy took a long drag before he passed it back to Harry.

The two continued to do that until the finished the joint, Harry getting the last hit. Both Harry and Malfoy reached for their cigarettes and the same time. They took one out of their pack, placed it between their lips and lit it. They both took a long drag of their cigarettes and exhaled slowly.

Harry gasped, "Those are so bright," he said, looking up at the stars.

"They are," Malfoy said.

"I know," Harry giggled.

The two finished their cigarettes without saying another word to each other. Though, they had kept giggling and laughing the entire time. Though the drug was affecting the both of them a lot, they both knew that if someone where to walk in, they would know right away that the two boys were on drugs.

"Can I braid your hair?" Malfoy asked with a big smile on his face.

"No," Harry said, giggling.

"I know!" Malfoy exclaimed.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Let's go braid Severus's hair!"

"Yea!"

The two boys stood up and grabbed their cigarettes, putting them in their pockets before they left the Astronomy Tower. The two walked to Severus's private quarters, giggling and laughing the entire way there. When they arrived at the doors to Severus's private quarters, Malfoy was just about to walk in without knocking, but Harry stopped him.

"You have to knock first," he said.

"Why?" Malfoy asked.

"Because, I've had a few bad experiences because I never knocked," Harry explained, before he started to laugh uncontrollably, he had to lean against the doors to stop himself from falling over.

"Oh, okay," Malfoy said, laughing, before he knocked.

"Teeter totter, teeter totter," Harry said, rocking back and forth slightly, laughing. Malfoy started laughing hard, he had to lean on the door, too, to stop himself from falling over.

A moment later, the door opened and Harry and Malfoy feel to the ground before they broke into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. "Hi, Severus," Malfoy said, with a big smile on his face.

"If you keep you round and round and round and round, you're gonna get stupid, Sev," Harry said, smiling. Severus raised an eyebrow and Harry and Malfoy broke into a fit of giggles.

"Okay, you two, get in here before someone sees you," Severus orders.

"Help," Harry said, holding his hands up as an indication for Severus to help him up, Malfoy did the same thing. Once to the two boys were standing and in the room, Severus closed the door.

"Severus, can we braid your hair?" Malfoy asked.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top and…and…and fire-whiskey?"

"Um…no."

"Oh, come on, Severus, please?"

"The day I let you braid my hair is the day that hell freezes over," Severus said bluntly.

After five minutes of Malfoy and Harry asking to braid his hair, Severus finally caved. He was sitting on a couch near the fire; Malfoy was standing behind him, braiding his hair. Harry was sitting on the floor watching, having a cigarette.

"Hell has finally frozen over," Severus said grumpily.

Remus walked into the room a moment later. He looked around to see Harry sitting on the floor with a cigarette, Severus sitting on the couch with Malfoy braiding his hair. "Don't say _anything_, Lupin," Severus growled, his right eye twitching slightly.

"I didn't plan on it," Remus said, smirking as he walked over and sat down next to Severus, whose eye was still twitching.

Harry started giggling. "You've got freaky eyes, Sev," he said.

"Okay, Harry, you're fucked, shut up," Severus said.

"I'm gonna call you twitchy!" Harry exclaimed. "Twitch, twitch," Harry started doing an imitation of Severus's eye twitching, which caused Severus's eye to start twitching more.

"All done!" Malfoy shouted. "Look!"

"Here," Remus said, smirking, as he flicked his wand and a mirror appeared. Severus took the mirror and looked in it. What he saw made his eye start to twitch uncontrollably.

His hair was in several braids and it was streaked hot pink, bright purple and lime green. When Remus saw Severus's expression, he burst out laughing, as did Harry. Severus stood up and threw the mirror before he turned to stare at Malfoy. "This better come out!" he shouted.

"Nope," Malfoy said with a big smile. "No spell can remove it or cover it up. It'll last for a month."

"That's it!" Severus shouted. "Both of you get out!"

"Severus, calm down," Remus said, smirking.

"Fuck you, Lupin!"

"It's not that bad."

"That's it! You're sleeping on the couch!"

"Severus, come on, be reasonable," Remus pleaded.

"No, you're sleeping on the couch and that's final!" Severus snapped.

"Oh, come on," Remus said. "Boy's, I think you'd better leave now."

"Okay," Harry said. Harry stood up and walked toward the door, Malfoy right behind him.

"Well, I'll see you around, Hero," Malfoy said.

"Later, Malfoy."

* * *

When Harry woke the next day, he had a slight headache. It took him a moment to remember what he had done the previous night, when he did, he smirked slightly. Harry lied in bed for a few moments before he threw back the Gryffindor red duvet and sat up. He pulled open the hangings around his bed, blinking a few times to adjust his eyes to the light, before he stood and stretched his upper body. The first thing Harry noticed after he finished stretching was the small pile of presents at the foot of his bed,

Ignoring them for the time being, Harry walked into the bathroom and began to undress. He turned the taps of the shower on, adjusting them so that the water was just before the point of creating steam. He stepped under the facet and let the water run down his body for a few moments. Then, he picked up a bottle of hair cleansing potion before opening it. Squeezing a small amount of the potion on the palm of his hand, he closed it and set it back down before he began to lather it into his hair. He rinsed the hair-cleansing potion out of his hair and repeated the process, using a hair-conditioning potion.

When he finished rinsing his hair of the conditioning potion, he picked up a bottle of body cleaning potion and a cloth. He opened the potion, put a bit on the cloth before he closed the potion, and put it back down. He began to wash his body before he rinsed off the potion. He stood under the facet for a few moments before he turned off the taps and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry himself with.

Harry went about the rest of his morning rituals, taking as much time as he wanted because nobody was around to hurry him and he had no place important to be. When he was fully dressed in a pair of black baggy jeans with chains on then and a blood red shirt, he walked over to the foot of his bed and sat down Indian style next to his small pile of presents.

He looked at his gifts for a moment, contemplating whether he wanted to open them or not. He decided he would, only because he wanted to go about the rest of his day and not have to worry about them later. Harry sighed, he was slightly worried about what he would receive, he reckoned that because of the way that he had been acting, the things he received wouldn't be pleasant. Reaching forward, Harry grabbed the present closest to him; it was from Dumbledore.

Harry cautiously opened the present from the old man, unsure of what to expect. Before he had opened the present completely, a note fell out. He picked it up, his brows furrowing in a way that show he was slightly confused by the short note that Dumbledore had written. The note read:

'_Be safe._

_Dumbledore'_

Harry finished unwrapping the present completely._ 'Typical Dumbledore,'_ Harry thought, smirking, as he looked at the present. Not to surprising to Harry, Dumbledore had given him a muggle gift, a pack of condoms. _'Only Dumbledore would think of something like that,'_

Placing Dumbledore's gift aside, Harry grabbed another present, which turned out to be from Remus and Severus. He opened it and raised an eyebrow. It was a photo album with the words _'The Marauders, through their Hogwarts years,'_ on the front with a picture of James, Sirius, Remus and Peter underneath the writing. Harry placed the album aside; he planned to look at it later, when he reckoned he could without falling into a deeper state of depression.

The next present he picked up was from Dean, who gave him a broom cleaning kit. Harry raised an eyebrow at the gift. _'Leave it to Dean to give me something that I've already got,'_ Harry thought as he placed Dean's gift next to the one Dumbledore got him.

The next present that Harry picked up was from Seamus. Seamus gave him plenty of Honeydukes candy, which Harry knew he would never eat. Neville's gift was the next one that Harry grabbed. Neville gave him a book about plants, Harry knew he would never need. Harry didn't even need to open his next gift to know that it was from Mrs. Weasley. She had given him a green jumper with a silver 'H' on it and homemade brownies, which, again, Harry knew that he would never eat.

Setting her gift next to the other ones that he had already opened, Harry picked up the second last present in the small pile that he had. It was from Ron, who gave him a set of peacock-feathered quills. The last present that he had received was from Hermione. She gave him a muggle notebook and a set of muggle pens and pencils. A note was attached to it, it read:

'_I know that there are things that you don't walk to talk about, Harry, but its not good to keep everything bottled up inside, that's why I bought you the note book and pens. Use it; it might help!_

_Hermione'_

Harry sighed, he reached over and opened his trunk, he didn't bother to keep it locked while everybody was away for Christmas holidays. He placed all of his presents inside the trunk before he closed it and stood up. He walked over to the nightstand beside his bed and pulled open the top drawer before he reached in and withdrew two items, black eyeliner and eye shadow.

Harry walked into the bathroom and stood in front of one of the many mirrors. He set down the eye shadow before he took the cap off the eyeliner, putting it on the opposite end. He applied it liberally to the top and bottom lids of each eye before smearing on some black eye shadow to prevent the eyeliner from smudging.

Walking out of the bathroom, Harry put the two items back into the top drawer of his nightstand before he lied down on his bed. He knew that he had nothing to do for the day; he couldn't go and see Severus and Remus, not after what had happened the previous night. Harry reckoned that Severus was still angry, he sort of felt sorry for Remus, who had to deal with Severus's bad mood. Harry had to admit, though, it was somewhat funny what Malfoy did.

Sighing, Harry decided that he would finish the rest of his homework, so that he could get it out of the way and not have to worry about it later. He only had to finish his Potions and Transfiguration essays, both of which he was half done. Harry reckoned that it would only take him a couple of hours to complete.

Gathering his textbooks, essays and the other supplies he needed, Harry walked down to the common room. He sat down at the table in front of the fire and set his things down on top the table. Moving his Transfiguration essay and textbook in front of him, Harry opened up an inkwell and took out a quill. Before he started to work on his homework, Harry pushed his Potions essay and textbook away from him, giving him more space to work.

When Harry had finished both of his essays, he looked at the clock above the fireplace; it was quarter after four. Harry waved his hand over his homework, textbooks and utensils, they disappeared and Harry knew that they would be on his bed. Harry lied on the floor, staring at the ceiling, wondering what he was going to do next. There was nothing for him to really do, he had finished all of his homework, he didn't want to go to the library and read.

Harry sighed; he sat up quickly and walked up to the dormitory. When he entered the room, he walked over to his trunk and opened it. He searched in it for a moment before he blued out a large dark blue jean jacket with a black cobra covering most of the space on the back of it. He put it on before he walked over to the side of his bed and put on his shoes. Harry walked back into the common room and out the portrait of the Fat Lady.

Walking the familiar path, Harry had a small smile on his face; he was slightly excited. When Harry reached his destination, he opened the broom shed and entered. It only took him a moment to locate his Firebolt. He grabbed it and exited the broom shed, closing the door behind him. He mounted his broom and pulled the handle upward, shooting up at a fast speed.

Even though he was on the Quidditch team again and had practice three times a week, Harry missed flying alone. He missed the carefree feeling, flying alone meant that he didn't have to worry about telling his team members what to do and catching the snitch. Taking a deep breath, Harry raced as fast as he could around the school; everything was a huge blur. He slowed down when he came back around to the Quidditch pitch.

That was when Harry noticed that he was no longer alone outside; someone else was on the pitch. The little bit of sun the shone through the clouds told Harry who exactly was out there with him, Malfoy. The blonde was doing some pretty risky stunts, Harry thought he should make his presence known. He flew over to Malfoy, who still hadn't noticed that he wasn't alone, and stopped a few feet away from the blonde.

"Hey, Malfoy," he called, startling Malfoy.

"What are you doing here, Hero?" Malfoy asked as he flew over, stopping when he was face to face with Harry.

"Being here," answered Harry.

"Right," Malfoy said slowly.

"Yea," Harry said, equally as slow. "Is Severus still angry?"

"How the fuck would I know? I'm not stupid enough to go near him," Malfoy said.

"I know what you mean, I feel sorry for Remus," said Harry

"Why would you be feeling sorry for Lupin?" asked Malfoy.

"You mean you don't know?" asked Harry before he flew downward and landed on the ground. A few seconds later Malfoy landed next to him.

"Don't know what?" the blonde asked.

"As if," Harry said as he started to walk toward the middle of the pitch. "How can you _not_ know?"

"Know what?" Malfoy asked, following Harry.

"Will you ever cease to amaze me, Malfoy?" asked Harry as he waved his hand, a large circle in the middle of the pitch became void of snow, the grass dry. Harry sat down, placing his broom next to him.

"Are you going to explain to me what you're talking about?" asked Malfoy as he sat down on the other side of Harry, placing his broom next to him.

"Ask the right question, get the right answers," Harry said.

"Fine, I'll play your little game, Hero," Malfoy said. "Why do you feel sorry for Lupin?"

"Because he has to deal with Severus's bad mood," Harry answered.

"Everyone does, why don't you feel sorry for them?" Malfoy asked.

"Remus has to deal with it more then anyone else does," answered Harry as he leaned back, lying on the ground. He put his hands behind his head and looked up at the sky.

"Why?" asked Malfoy, who was becoming slightly impatient.

"Because he's around Severus more than anyone else," said Harry, still looking up at the sky, a small smirk on his face

"But, I thought Severus hated Lupin," said Malfoy. "Why doesn't he now?"

"People change, things change, feelings change, everything changes," Harry said cryptically.

"Wait," Malfoy said. "Are he and Lupin…?"

"Together? Yes," Harry said, a full smirk on his face.

"Aside from you and me, who else knows?" asked Malfoy as he looked at Harry.

"Dumbledore," Harry said, waiting for the information to register to Malfoy's brain

"Is that it?" the blonde asked.

"Yea," Harry said.

"How do you know, then? If Severus didn't tell me, why did he tell you?"

"I figured it out."

"How can you figure something like that out when even I couldn't?"

"Let's just say, I'm very observant. I noticed little things that most people wouldn't."

"But how did you come to the conclusion that they were together?"

"I asked," Harry said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I should've known that," said Malfoy. "So, are you going to tell me what you did to Dumbledore?"

"Are you going to tell me why you don't want the Dark Mark, why you don't hate me, and why you called the truce and want to be my friend?" Harry asked.

"If you tell me what you did to Dumbledore," said Malfoy.

"Fair enough," Harry said.

"Sure. The answers are simple enough," Malfoy said. "I don't want to take the Dark Mark because I don't want to follow some crazed, psychotic, murderer, or to be like my father. I never did hate you, I was just angry that you refused my friendship. Then, my father made me act the way that I did. He said that he wanted me to make your life hell, so I did, just because I wanted to make him proud of me. Well, now, I say fuck him. As for the last question, I think you know the answer to it now."

"It makes sense, I guess," Harry said.

"Yea," said Malfoy. "Now you have to tell me what you did to Dumbledore."

"I didn't do anything exciting, really. He entered my mind, I showed him some things that put him in a state of shock, end of story," Harry said.

"What kind of things?" Malfoy asked.

"Just things," said Harry simply.

"Whatever," Malfoy said.

"Trust me, you don't wanna know," Harry said.

"Whatever, I'm gonna head in, dinner's about to start soon," Malfoy said.

"Yea, good idea," said Harry as he stood, he flicked his wrist and both his and Malfoy's brooms disappeared. "They're back in the shed."

Malfoy stood and the two started to walk toward the school. They walked in silence for a moment until Malfoy spoke, "How come you're never at meals?"

"How come you ask so many questions?" Harry asked, becoming slightly defensive.

"You could say I'm curious, I guess," Malfoy said.

"I know I could," Harry said as he and Malfoy entered the school. "Later, Malfoy."

"Later, Potter."

* * *

OMG! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry…I'm like what, over a month late! Please forgive me! Things have been soooo shitty here. On the 16th of January was his 15th birthday, which was fucking shitty…as always…then…I failed my semester…I didn't get ANY credits.

My grandmother called the cops and had me escorted outta the house. My grandfather wants me to go you juvy..my VP keeps calling the CAS (childrens aid society) on me, trying to get me put in foster care. My mother came up this weekend and it was okay…but she tried fucking with my mind again…she and my grandmother want me to go into a Residential Home…and I had to get eight stitched because im a fucktard…yea…I think you can all guess why I had to get them…and ive had to deal this the police about 'the bastard' as he has now officially been dubbed.

And my school kicked me out last Tuesday…ive got a conference with my social worker, VP, counselor, and a few other people from the CAS on Wednesday, so im outta school until then.

That's about it for why I haven't been able to get this out…I know that its not so angsty…but when I wrote it I was either EXTREMELY hyper or EXTREMELY stoned…I was gonna have the rest of the Christmas break in this chapter…but were I left it off is at the 15 page mark…ive got about half of the rest of the break written. Even though Christmas is LONG over…there are going to be a few things that will somewhat be part of the plot…also, ive got things planned so Christmas doesn't really need to be in the story…but there are a few things that I wont really be able to put anywhere else in the story.

Please, PLEASE forgive me for the lateness of this chapter! Im really sorry. Also, the next chapter isn't going to be that angsty either. And the fact that it was 3:41 am and im writing might have something to do with it…Insomnia, it's a cure and a wonderful gift. If I decide to not take my sleeping pills…I might be able to finish the next chapter tonight, no promises though. I cant promise that the next chapter will be out within a few days…but I can promise that it wont take me as long as it did to get this chapter out. I hope to have the next chapter out before I go back to school…probably Thursday. But DON'T get your hopes up.

Wow, im rambling…ive had like two and a half litres of coca-cola today…and ive been up since like 10:30 am…I don't normally get up until like 5-6 pm…

Now, I'd like to thank my WONDERFUL reviewers:

**Kathlean Yuki:** Aww, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Little Kitsune:** I'm glad you love my story. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**MHS02:** I will! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Plotbunnybrat:** Yea, after a while, I realized that "My Immortal" did make my story sound like a vampire story. That's part of the reason that I changed it. lol. Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Gaara's Dark Lover: **lol. Yea, Harry reacted better then even I thought. lol. Of course, I was stoned when I wrote that section, so. I think that that proves a point, DON'T WRITE FANFICTION WHEN YOU'RE ON DRUGS…lmao. Anyways, I'll try and read and review those two stories when I get the chance, things have been REALLY hectic on my end. But yea, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Nickainai: **I'm glad you love my story. I really like you series of Enemies and Lovers; I hope that you update it soon. Anyways, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Lil red sinner: **I'm happy that you really like my story. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Kandy: **lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Aphrodisiac bliss: **lol. Yea, I kind of think that the truce happened a little fast, too. But, I was on drugs when I wrote it and posted it…but, I think that this chapter makes up for it. Well, I hope it does at least. I'm really glad that you love my story. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Charl1e:** Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Xandersnape: **lol. FINALLY. Anyways…yea, thanks for your help on this chapter. You always seem to help me out when I get stuck. lol. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**TanyaPotter:** I'm glad you love it. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**ScarredNotDamaged:** lol. Im glad you like it. Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	14. Author's Note

Ok, please don't be mad at the lack up updates…but I've been to Hamilton, ON and back within this post and the last one. It's been beyond hectic. I was in a group home, then I got discharged, and I was put into a different one but I ran away. Three weeks later and came back to where I was to begin with. I've been back for about two months now, I know I should have had the next chapter up, but…I lost it and everything was deleted off of my laptop because my grandmothers a spiteful bitch. And she sold it to my aunt. But I've got it back now.

Ever since I've been back things have been chaotic, my grandparents are even worse to me. Like the day I got back, my grandfather punched me so hard I practically flew half cross the room and couldn't breathe, or like last night I did something to piss my grandmother off and I needed up with a bloody nose and I gigantic bruise on my shoulder.

But none of that's important, what is, is that I'm going to be rewriting the entire story and that may take anywhere between six months to a year. I know, you all probably want to kill me, and I'm sorry. It's just that I've reread this and I think it could be a hell of a lot better. It's going to change a lot, but it's still going to have some things that mostly stay the same.

I think seeing as I'm doing that and making everyone have to wait longer that I'm going to give you all a bit of summary of what I have planned.

See, in the first chapter, Harry's already at the Leaky Cauldron, Draco's not there yet. Also, Harry has a few more secrets that nobody knows about, he can play guitar (which I learned to do when I was gone) and he writes songs/poetry and he also sings. Ron and Hermione are still hated by Harry, so that's the same. Severus and Remus are still going to be together, but their personalities are going to be different. Dumbledore is still going to be the same, and Draco's character is going to be a little different, more, closed off and cold. Harry's is going to be sort of the same.

Yea, that's about all I can say without giving away everything that I'm planning. I really hope you can all forgive me for doing this because I'm really sorry. Please let me know what you think of this idea, but don't review this because when I take it down later you wont be able to review the chapter that will be in it's place. If you want you can either review another chapter or PM me, either way works.

Again, I'm really sorry, and I thank you all for your patience!

-Wykked As Syn


	15. Help Wanted!

Hello, everyone. I know it's been almost ten months since you guys last heard from me. But, I'd like everyone to know that I'm looking for a beta. I haven't been able to write much because things within the last ten months have been complete and total hell. Although, some of you might be happy to know that I've already started rewritting my story. I've got a bit done on the first chapter.

I actually just finished reading over my story. I realized how complete and utter shit it was. Of course, I was ony 14 at the time. But, everything seems so OOC. I want it to be much better. Things will still stay the same, but, I've had a plot change. A major one. It's not going to affect the chapters that are already written, but, I figured you guys may want to know.

Again, I'm looking for a beta. Just send in a review and I'll get back to you A.S.A.P. Love you all.

- Wykked As Syn


	16. Christmas Break II

Note: Well shit. Look what I found. It was lost in my emails for years. I decided to look through them all and this is what I found. It's not complete or anything. I haven't reread it for fear of knowing how bad of a writer I really was back then. So, I'm posting it as it is. Though, I did add a little at the end. Just to finish it off because when I found it the chapter wasn't complete.

So, for those of you who have been waiting years for the next chapter, here it is. For those of you that are new, enjoy. xD

Also, this will be the last thing I post for this story until I've finished rewriting it. So far, I've got the first chapter rewritten and some of the second. Yes, I know, I'm lazy. Deal with it.

But, fear not! I won't give up on this story. It's my baby. That and I won't be posting anything of the rewritten story until I've completely rewritten and finished it – for fear something like this will happen again.

Now, ENJOY!

* * *

**Chapter 14: Christmas Break II**

It was New Years night; Harry was sitting on the love seat in Severus's private quarters, a Firewhiskey in hand. Remus and Severus were sitting on the couch together and Draco was sitting on the armchair, each of them had a Firewhiskey. Every day Harry had gone down to the Quidditch pitch and hour or so before dinner, every day Draco had been there. It was like an unspoken agreement between the two to meet there around that time.

Usually they would fly around for a while, trying to show the other up. Then, they would sit in the middle of the pitch and talk about random things like Quidditch, school, the teachers. Whenever more personal subjects where reached, both became defensive, it was another silence agreement between them not to talk about those subjects.

"Only a week until school starts again," Remus said as he took a sip of his drink.

"Unfortunately," Harry drawled as he reached into his pocked and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He took one out of the pack and it lit, taking a drag.

"That means I have to deal with little incompetent brats again," Severus said.

"It's not that bad, Severus," said Remus.

"You're right," Severus sighed. "It's worse."

"And people say _I'm_ overdramatic," Draco said before he took a sip of his drink.

"You are," Severus said.

"You're both overdramatic, let's leave it at that," Harry said as he took a long drag of his cigarette. "Anyone want the rest?"

"Here," Severus said. Harry leaned over to pass the rest of his cigarette to Severus, who reached forward and took it before he took a long drag and exhaled slowly.

"Yeah, overdramatic," Draco said. Severus glared at the blonde.

"We're trying to quit," Remus explained.

"Fuck that, you are," Severus said as he took another long drag of the cigarette. "I quit quitting."

"And when was the last time you had a cigarette?" Draco asked.

"About three hours ago," Severus answered. Remus glared at him.

"And you, Remus?" Harry asked.

"About three days ago," the lycanthrope answered darkly. "Screw it."

"Hey!" Severus cried as Remus took the cigarette from him.

"Too bad," Remus said as he took a long drag of the cigarette and exhaled slowly. "I quit quitting, too."

"You two are amusing," Harry said as he took a few mouthfuls of his Firewhiskey.

"Glad we could be of assistance," Severus said dryly.

"So," Draco said before he took a large mouthful of his Firewhiskey.

"This got boring fast," Harry said.

"Yea," Draco drawled.

"What do you two wanna do, then?" Remus asked as he took a long drag of the cigarette before he passed it back to Severus.

"Dunno," Harry and Draco said in unison.

The four sat in silence for a few minutes, all finishing their drinks. Harry stood and began walking in the direction that the bathroom was in. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door; he was just about to zip up his jeans when he heard a knock on the door.

"Hurry up, Hero," it was Draco. Over the week that he had Draco had been hanging out, they had began calling the other by his given name, though, Draco still called him Hero a lot.

"I'm done," Harry said as he opened the door, Draco rushed passed him, obviously having to really go. Harry rolled his eyes as he walked back to the living room. He sat back down on the love seat and noticed that there was another bottle of Firewhiskey on the coffee table in front of him.

"I'm glad there're two bathrooms here," Severus said as he emerged from same hallway has Harry had a moment before and sat back down on the couch. Remus stood up as Draco entered the room; he walked toward the hallway Draco had just come from. Draco sat back down on the armchair. A moment later Remus reentered the room and sat down next to Severus.

"What do you guy wanna do now?" Remus asked.

"I know!" exclaimed a slightly drunken Severus. "Let's play 'I Never.'"

"Sure," Draco said, picking up the bottle of Firewhiskey on the floor near his foot.

"Why not," Harry said as he reached forward and grabbed the bottle of Firewhiskey in front of him. "Nothing better to do."

"Ok," Remus said.

"We'll go clockwise, Remus can go first," Severus said.

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed.

"Fine, I'll go first," Severus said. "I never have worn eyeliner."

Harry and Draco both took a mouthful of their drink. "I never," Remus said. "had my hair died or streaked."

Everyone, excluding Remus, took a mouthful of their drink. "You've died your hair, Draco?" Harry asked.

"Yea," Draco drawled. "I had it a temporary lime green."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. Anyways, I never," Draco started; he looked at Harry for a second before he finished. "Had my nipple pierced."

"That was cheap," Harry said as he took a mouthful of his drink, as did Remus.

"I play to win," Draco said, smirking.

"How did you know I had it done, anyway?" Harry asked

"You've walked around without your shirt a few times," Draco said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But," Harry said. "It's not noticeable unless one was to actually _look_."

"Remus, you have your nipple pierced?" Draco asked, changing the subject. Though, he knew Harry was probably going to ask him about it later.

"Yea," Remus said.

"Right, I never had lime green hair," Harry said, smirking.

"Now, _that_ was cheap," Draco said before he took a mouthful of his drink.

"You're not the only one that plays to win," Harry said.

Draco stuck out his tongue, the alcohol taking a stronger affect on him.

"Right, I never had my tongue pierced," Severus said.

Harry and Draco both drank. "You've got your tongue pierced, Harry?"

"Yea," Harry said, sticking out his tongue, showing the plastic spiky top.

After about an hour, the four had gone through one and a half bottles of Firewhiskey each. Severus and Remus had lost about ten minutes ago when they both made a dash for the washroom. It was just between Harry and Draco now, neither of them looked ready to give in. Though, the way that Draco's leg kept shaking, it looked like he was ready to give in.

"I never had my leg move really fast because I've had to piss _that _bad," Harry said.

"Cheap shot," Draco said as he took a mouthful of his drink. "I never have played as cheaply as you are now."

Harry took a mouthful of his drink. "I never have complained so much in my life."

"Cheap," Draco said as he took a mouthful of his drink. "I never had red in my hair."

"I never had blonde hair."

"I never had black hair."

"I never had a father."

"I never lived with Muggles."

"I never had a mother."

"Shit!" Draco cried as he stood as dashed for the bathroom. A moment later he returned, a relieved look on his face.

"That was amusing," Remus said, finishing the rest of his third bottle of Firewhiskey.

"Yea," Harry said as he, too, finished the rest of his third drink; he set it down on the table and grabbed his cigarettes. He took one out of the pack and put the end between his lips before he flicked his lighter and lit his cigarette, taking a long drag. "Shit, everything's real blurry."

"Yea, tell me about it," Draco said.

"I'm bored now," Harry said. He caught Draco's eye and smirked, Draco nodded. It was as if they could read each others minds at the moment.

"Can we go out somewhere, Severus?" Harry asked.

"Please," Draco said.

"Where?" Severus asked.

"Well," Harry said. "There's this real great dance bar the next town over from Hogsmeade."

"Pulse Nightclub?" Remus asked.

"Yea, it's a real great place," Harry said.

"How would you know?" Severus asked. Harry gave him a look that said, 'Are you serious?'

"I think we should go, I haven't been there in a while," Remus said.

"Fine," Severus said, quickly finishing the rest of his drink, Draco did the same.

Harry flicked his wrist and his eyeliner and eye shadow appeared. He stood and walked, unsteadily, to the washroom. A few moments later he reentered the living room, looking sober.

* * *

The four arrived outside of Pulse Nightclub almost twenty minutes later. Outside the building was quiet and peaceful, but once inside, music was blaring and colorful lights were flashing. Even though the bar was in a Wizarding village, the bar itself was kept as muggle as possible. Most witches and wizards thought it was ridiculous, but others thought it was brilliant. Almost everything was muggle, the sound system, the lighting, the alcohol, most of the music. Because of the fact that the surrounding area had such a high magical level, the bar had a barrier around it to stop the magical interference that caused muggle electronics to malfunction.

Harry and Draco entered first, closely followed by Remus and Severus; Harry had managed to persuade the bouncer to let them in instead of having to wait in the long line-up. Harry walked toward the bar that was situated on the left wall of the building, Draco beside him.

"Coke and vodka," they said at the same time and then laughed.

"Coincidence?" Draco leaned in to ask over the loud music.

"Yea," Harry said as he paid and took the drinks from the bartender, handing one to Draco.

"God, we're going to be hung-over in the morning," Draco said.

"Yea," Harry agreed, staring into his class for a few seconds before he downed it one shot. He turned to the bartender, "Another one."

Harry paid the bartender and grabbed his drink. He took a few steps over and sat on a barstool, looking around the dance floor. He saw Remus and Severus dancing not far from him. Out of his peripheral vision, Harry saw Draco sit down on the barstool next to him. The song changed, Harry quickly finished his drink. Setting the empty glass down, he stood and made his way to the middle of the crowded dance floor.

_Rhythm is a dancer,_

_It's a soul's companion_

Harry began to dance to the beat of the music; it was a new song that had been released a few weeks before school had started. As Harry continued to dance to the music, a man, no older then twenty-one, hung his arms loosely around Harry's neck and began to grind. Harry didn't object, it had been a while since he danced with a guy.

Half-way through the song Harry put a finger through the belt loop on the man's pants and began to pull him to the back of the building, where he knew the backroom was located. The man didn't object, he seemed quiet eager in Harry's opinion.

* * *

The song ended and Remus and Severus walked over to sit next to Draco. Severus ordered he and Remus a _Whispers of the Forest Nymph_, he paid the bartender and handed a glass to Remus before he took a small sip from his own. A few songs had passed before someone spoke.

"Where's Harry?" Remus asked before he took a mouthful of his drink.

"Dancing," Draco said simply.

"And why aren't you?" Severus asked.

"Because I've got a drink," said Draco.

"Well, finish it and go dance," Severus said, smirking slightly, he knew that his godson didn't like dancing much.

"What if I don't want to?" Draco asked before he finished the rest of his drink; he could feel himself becoming agitated. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, he took a cigarette out, placing the end between his lips. He flicked his lighter and put the end of the cigarette near the flame before he put out his lighter. He put the pack and lighter back into his pocket and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"Then I'll force you," Severus said before he took a generous mouthful of his drink.

"I'd like to see you try," Draco said, taking another long drag of his cigarette.

"Come on, Draco, dance with me," Severus said, it was clear to Draco that the man was more then slightly drunk.

"No."

"Then, dance with me," Harry said, reappearing for the first time in almost a half an hour. His hair looked messier then usually, and he was slightly sweaty.

Draco had to make a spilt second decision; it was either stay and be annoyed by Severus or dance with Harry. Draco chose the latter. Taking one that drag of his cigarette, Draco handed it to Severus and stood up, following Harry into the crowd of people. Draco realized that Harry was bringing them out of Remus and Severus's view, though it had no idea why.

_This tainted love you've given,_

_I gave you all a boy could give you_

The two began to dance, it wasn't the way that most of the other people on the dance floor were, though, it was just a friendly dance, they had a respectable distance between each other. That was when it became clear to Draco why Harry brought them out of Remus and Severus's view, the two older men knew how Harry usually danced, and this wasn't how. Draco reckoned that it was because Harry was dancing with another guy.

"So, where did you disappear to, Hero?" Draco asked.

"I was dancing," Harry said innocently.

"Yes, you were dancing, that's why your hair is messier and you've got that glazed look on your face," Draco said.

"And you notice that because…?" Harry asked.

"Because I'm observant," Draco answered simply. "You went to the backroom."

"So what if I did?" Harry asked coolly.

"Nothing," Draco said.

"Good," said Harry. "So, why was Severus asking you to dance?"

"Because he knows that I don't like dancing much," Draco answered.

"Oh, well, you're not complaining right now," Harry said.

"That's because it was either dance with you or be annoyed by Severus until I danced," Draco said.

"Either way you would have to dance," Harry said, smirking.

"Unfortunately," Draco drawled.

"Why don't you like dancing, anyway?" Harry asked.

"Two words, Yule Ball," Draco said.

"Oh," Harry said, laughing a little.

"It's not funny, Hero," Draco growled. "Parkinson is an atrocious dancer."

"Then, why'd you go with her?" Harry asked.

"Appearances," Draco said simply.

The two didn't talk for the rest of the song, when it ended, Harry and Draco walked through the crowd back to Remus and Severus. Harry ordered a coke and vodka for he and Draco. Sitting down next to Severus, Harry took a large mouthful of his drink.

"Who was the lucky person tonight?" Severus asked as Draco sat down on the other side of Harry.

"Didn't get their name," Harry answered nonchalantly.

"You fucked someone and didn't even get their name?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yea," Harry answered simply.

"Typical," Remus said for the other side of Severus.

"I take it you do that often?" Draco asked.

"Yea," Harry said.

"Even at school?" Draco asked.

"No, never at school," Harry answered before he down the rest of his drink.

"How come?" Draco asked.

"I don't trust the people there. If I fuck them, how do I know that there not going to brag about it or something like that?" Harry said.

"Good point," said Draco.

"I know," Harry smirked.

* * *

When Harry awoke the next morning his head was pounding violently. The memories from the previous night were very hazy, he could barely remember what he had done after he arrived that the bar. In his mind, Harry thoroughly cursed himself for drinking so much. He reckoned that once he rid himself of the horrid hangover he had that he would remember what he had done the previous night.

Cautiously, Harry opened the hangings around his bed just a little bit, checking to see how bright the dormitory was. He sighed; it was dark. Pulling the hangings open, Harry reached over and grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He took a cigarette out of the pack, placing it between his lips before lighting it. He took a long drag and exhaled slowly.

When Harry finished his cigarette, he stood and walked to the bathroom. He undressed and took a long, hot shower, feeling slightly better afterwards. He dressed and applied eyeliner and eye shadow before he sat down on his bed and lit another cigarette. His head still hurt, though, it was just a dull throb; the shower seemed to really help with his hangover.

Harry took a long drag of his cigarette, exhaling slowly as the memories of the previous night start to come back to him. Putting his cigarette out in the ashtray on his nightstand, Harry leaned back onto his pillows, sucking lightly on his lip ring as he went through all the things he had done the previous night. He remember going to the backroom with a random guy, dancing with Draco, consuming more alcohol, dancing with a few random guys, going to the backroom with said guys, and consuming more alcohol before Severus said that it was time to go.

Running his tongue ring over his top lip, Harry stood and walked to his trunk. He opened it and began searching for a specific item, when he found said item, he sat back down on his bed. In his hands was the photo album that Severus and Remus had given him, he knew that he wasn't ready to look at it without getting overly emotional, but he wanted to. He wanted to feel the pain that he had caused everyone else.

Harry opened the book, on the first page was a picture of his parents holding hands, smiling and waving. He turned the page, the next picture was of James, Remus and Sirius having a snowball fight, laughing. In the picture, they were completely oblivious of the fate that awaited them. The next picture was of Sirius and James, they had there arms around each other's shoulders, they were smiling, then, Sirius pulled James into a headlock and began to ruffle James's hair. In that moment, they looked happy.

Harry felt a pang in his heart; he wished they were there, with him. It was his fault that they weren't. Harry closed the photo album, setting it aside, he knew he wasn't ready to look at it, it was his own fault that he felt that way that he did and he knew that. If he had listened to what people had told him, Sirius would still be alive. Sirius was the only one that accepted him for him.

He was not perfect, he didn't claim to be, he knew that that was what most people wanted, for him to be perfect. He was sorry that he could be the person everyone wanted him to be, but he just wanted to be himself. People wanted a better version of the way that he was, a better version he looked, the way he spoke. They wanted a better version of him. He failed to give them that, though, just as he failed at everything else that he did. He failed to save Sirius, he failed to be perfect, he failed at everything he did.

The feelings were overwhelming, he felt like he was suffocating. Harry reached under his pillow, grabbing the one thing that he knew would release him from suffocation and overwhelming despair, his razorblade. Taking down the glamour charm on his left wrist, Harry sighed as he put the razorblade against an unmarred section on skin on his forearm. He quickly dragged it across the skin, leaving a violent red him as he went. Blood started to pour out almost instantaneously. He repeated the process a few more times before he sighed; the feelings were lessened slightly, though, they were still noticeable enough to hurt.

Harry took the glamour charm off his right wrist, and placed the razorblade on an unmarred section on skin near the bend of his elbow. He repeated the actions that he did on his other wrist a few times before he sighed in relief; the feelings were neutralized. When the bleeding stopped, Harry cleared his with a flick of his wrist before he placed the razorblade underneath his pillow again.

Harry lied on his back after he lit another cigarette. He raised his arms and looked at the new marks that he had made, the red screamed out against his pale skin. Harry waved his hand and a glamour charm was set on both of his wrists. When Harry finished his cigarette, he stood and walked down to the common room. He looked at the clock over the fireplace; it read 5:40. Harry reckoned that he had only been awake for an hour or so.

Continuing to walk, Harry left the Gryffindor common room and began wandering aimlessly around the school. He didn't know where he was going but he knew that he didn't want to stay cooped up in the Tower. After what seemed like hours of walking, Harry looked up to find himself outside the portrait that led to the kitchens. Turning around immediately, Harry began to walk into the opposite direction. He knew that if he didn't leave as soon as he could that he would wind up entering the kitchens and eating something.

Not paying any attention to where he was walking, Harry walked into something hard and fell backward onto the stony floor. He looked up at he Draco standing there with his hand extended in a gesture to help him to his feet.

"Draco," Harry greeted.

"Hero," Draco replied. "You really need to learn to pay attention to where you're going."

"Yeah, I know," Harry said.

"Where are you heading?" Draco asked.

"Dunno," Harry said,

"Well, I'm going to the kitchens, come with me," Draco said.

"Sure," Harry agreed.

"And how do you _not_ know where you're going?" Draco asked.

"I was just walking around is all," Harry said.

"That makes sense, then," Draco said as he and Harry arrived at the portrait that led to the kitchens.

He tickled the pear in the portrait and it turned into a handle. Draco opened the door and gestured for Harry to go in first. The two were immediately surrounded by house-elves. Draco told them that he would let one of them know when he was ready to eat, causing them to go back to what they were doing previously before Draco and Harry entered. The two walked over to one of the long tables and sat down, opposite each other.

"Did you have fun last night?" Harry asked, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Somewhat, you?" Draco asked.

"Enough," Harry answered smirking.

"I'll say, you went to the backroom quite a few times," Draco said.

"I didn't go that many times," Harry retorted.

"I think four times is a lot," Draco said.

"I went back four times?" Harry asked incredulously.

"You mean you don't remember?" Draco asked.

"I only remember going back twice," Harry said.

Draco rolled his eyes, "You're hopeless, Hero."

"I know," Harry agreed.

"What do you want to eat?" Draco asked.

"Nothing, I'm not hungry," Harry said.

Draco raised an eyebrow, "Why do I not believe you, Hero?"

"Because you don't?" Harry offered. Then, something that he hoped wouldn't happen, happened. His stomach let out a loud, long growl.

"Yes, you're not hungry," Draco said sarcastically.

"I'm not, my stomach is just upset from last night," Harry lied flawlessly.

"Bullshit," Draco said before he leaned forward. "Hero, I'll let you in on a little secret of mine."

"And that secret would be?" Harry asked, hoping against hope that Draco didn't know about his eating habits.

"I can see through glamour charms," He said. "I can see the new marks on your forearms."

Harry sighed; it looked like Draco found out his other little secret. However, the blond wasn't the only one that could see through glamour charms. Harry knew that one had to be a powerful witch or wizard to be able to see through a glamour charm.

"I can see through them, too, Draco," Harry said. "I can see the bruise under your eye, how'd you get that? It wasn't there last night."

"That, Hero, is none of your business," Draco said, getting defensive.

"And it's none of your business about my eating habits," Harry replied.

"Yes, they are," Draco said.

"How so?" Harry asked.

"Because you could die from not eating," Draco stated.

"Maybe that's what I want," Harry retorted.

"Hero, please, just eat something," Draco said.

"Tell me how you got that bruise," Harry said.

"My father, he came to visit me last night. We got into an argument and he hit me," Draco said.

"Hit seems to be an understatement, judging by the bruises on your arms and neck," Harry said.

"Okay, fine, he beat me," Draco said.

"It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that gets beaten," Harry said.

"Are you going to eat now?" Draco asked.

"No," Harry answered.

"Fine, if you don't eat something, I'll tell Severus and Remus and let them deal with it," Draco said, he really didn't want to have to say that in order to make Harry eat, but it seemed that there wasn't any other way.

"You wouldn't," Harry said in a deadly tone.

"Try me," Draco challenged.

"Fine, I concede," Harry sighed.

"When was the last time you ate something?" Draco asked.

"The last time we were in the kitchens together," Harry said.

"That was over a week ago," Draco said.

"No shit?" Harry said sarcastically.

"How long have you not been eating properly?" Draco asked

"Since the beginning of the summer, and a little but before that," Harry answered honestly.

"Fuck," Draco said. "Okay, do you know how much you can eat at one time?"

"No," Harry answered.

"Let's try an orange, then," Draco said.

Draco called over a house-elf and asked for two oranges and a glass of water. The house-elf bowed before it left to retrieve the requested items, it returned seconds later with two peeled oranges and a goblet of water. It set them down between Harry and Draco before it left. Draco pushed the items toward Harry.

"Eat," he said.

"Fine," Harry said as he picked up the orange.

He spilt it in half and proceeded to take off a slice before he put it in his mouth. He bit into it and the juices exploded into his mouth, it tasted so good. Harry forgot what oranges tasted like; he hadn't had one in so long. He took off another slice and put it into his mouth, savouring the way that it tasted. Before he realized it, he was finished.

"See, that wasn't so bad, now was it, Hero?" Draco asked.

"No," Harry said.

"Here, eat the other one," Draco said. Harry did.

"I forgot what oranges tasted like," Harry said when he finished the second orange. It felt like his stomach was going to explode, but he didn't care, it was worth it, if only because the oranges tasted so good.

"I kinda gathered that," Draco said, smirking. "The look on your face gave it away."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yeah," Draco said. "I expect to see you at breakfast tomorrow."

"Fine."

* * *

It was Saturday, four days since Harry and Draco were in the kitchens, the rest of the school would be returning the next day. Harry had gone to every meal since the day that he and Draco were in the kitchens. Draco had said that it was slightly noticeable that he was eating; that he checks weren't so hollow and his eyes didn't look as sunken is as they did before. Draco had reckoned that in about a month, if Harry continued eating properly, that he wouldn't have to wear a glamour charm on his entire body. Harry agreed.

Dinner ended and Harry stood to leave, he left the Great Hall and started walking toward the Astronomy Tower, he need time to think. The Astronomy Tower always seemed to be the best place for him to think. When he arrived at the top, Harry walked over to the window ledge and sat down on it.

So many things were running through his head, most of them concerning Draco. Why was Draco helping him? Why was he allowing Draco to help him?

Harry sat contemplating Draco, not realizing that time had passed quickly.

"You should go to bed," a voice said from the doorway. Harry looked to see Draco standing there.

"Okay," he said.

* * *

There it is. No more now. Hope that keeps you all held over until I'm finished rewriting it all. Be sure to check out my other work in the mean time!

- Wykked As Syn


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